Pre-aussie, moving

I moved.

It was quite an adventure to say the least. We had pre-arrianged a U
haul (14 foot) and a helper for Sunday the 15th, but we ran into some
mishaps - First, and formost, U Haul sucks. Dont use them. They
laugh at you when you have a problem... so anyway, the guy goes, we
dont have the truch you want.. it's either the 10 foot or the 26
footer... We wanted to do it in one shot.. so we opt for the 26
footer.

(truck I drove) http://www.uhaul.com/guide/?equipment=truck26

One guy asked, me "you drive stick?" I'm like, "yeah.." Ali goes,
"Her car is stick." Little did I know after two other people asked me
if i could drive stick that you need a friggin CDL to drive the damn
thing!!! Ali, drove off in my car with an evil laugh!

I climbed my way into this truck that should have been left at the
dump 10 years ago and shut the door. First, I look for the seat beat.
Nope, not here.. or over here... Oh wait.. Here it is... No shoulder
harness - just a lap belt. Yep. So, i go on my way. I turn on this
this bigger than life (put all your friends in the back and have a
party)whale size of a bus and start in first gear.

First gear - Oh yes, good Old first gear. It seems that First gear
is the first gear that normal stupid happy movers that have never
driven stick before kill first. It goes like 2 miles an hour - no
exaggeration at all. It goes 2. So going 2 miles an hour driving out
of the U Haul BACK parking lot (for serious movers - or risk takers
like me) that will drive this 26 footer bus.

(side note) This damn bus must have been from the 60's - it seems
other people have hit shit with it... a few people not knowing how to
drive it killing the first two gears and is from ARIZONA! Who would
drive the death trap from there? Damned if i know!
(second side note) No pedometer, no speed ometer, gas gague doesnt
work... We bet we were going 45 miles an hour TOPS in a 60 MPH speed
zone..

Second gear - I didnt hit second gear until I made it out onto a main
road - that was a very good warm up though, because I was only driving
a quater of a mile to my former residence. There was really no need
for third gear - going 6 miles an hour with about 15 cars lined up
behind me was good enough for me.

Ali and I meet at our former residence - the back gate is locked -
i'm thinking "FUCKER" I asked the bulidng managers TWICE to open the
back at noon on Sunday... was it opened at noon on Sunday - Oh hell
no. I did the best thing I could think of.. take matters into my own
hands? Oh hell no.. something much much worse... Sick Ali on them!
She yelled at the dude at the desk and within NO TIME, the back gate
was open.

So, we meet our big HUGE I can carry a small living room love seat on
my back former linebacker for Alburn Uni guy who's gonna help us
move... Stacy. Well, in no time (2.5 hours) we loaded up the death
bus and headed on our way...

I'm a pretty good driver.. First car accident was only about a month
ago, but I've been clean for about 7 years.. I didntk now how the
hell i was going to drive this beast. We eventually made the k turn,
which was really more like a bunch of M's W's and K's mixed together
and we headed on our way...

Third Gear - Wow. What a difference from First and second! We hit
every stop light because the time I finally got it going to put it
into third, the light whould change color and then to red! Well, we
didnt mind, we rolled down the windows (no air conditioning in the
60's i guess) turned up the country station and here we go honking and
giving the finger to random cars that think it's fun to get around us.

We didnt care, we yelled at old ladies, people in hummers cutting us
off on the wrong side... waved to truckers... and felt BADASS! Oh
yeah, with 26 feet behind you, how can you NOT feel badass.

Fourth and FIfth Gear - with conflicting messages from Ali and Stacy,
we finally merged without hitting any cars to jump on 495 - awesome,
traffic everywhere - ali spotted two old balding guys in a convertible
and didnt have the heart to tell them that they were going to fast...
get it get it? Clever!

GW Parkway - we merged onto GW parkway - and then stacy yells out...
"NO TRUCKS" "OMG, are we a truck" Fucked if we know... so, we became
paranoid reading overhead signs for low hanging bridges. Then we pass
"state police - next exit and CIA Headquaters" OH SHIT. We're
destied to be pulled over.

Luckly, we didnt look suspicious enough - white girl driving a U haul
- i guess that doesnt qualify for terroristic activity... so we kept
on truckin down GW parkway...

I figured we could boomerang around the airport... Oh hell no... next
sign says 'Clearence 12' 1" HOLY FUCK. We can see it. It's dead
in front of us. The leaves us an inch.... we did some quick thinking
and got off at Rosslyn - took 395 and went though Pentagon city.

Think - rollerskate and a FUCKING HUGE ASS BIGGER THAN AN ELEPHANT
WHALE just slip sliding everwhere - that was us... guys walking across
the street withbouth a signal - you're fucked.. little old ladies...
yep, you're fucked... cars that jet out in front of us.. fucked.. We
had no mercy for anyone or anything!

So we get there... and we park - ali goes in to regulate - 10 mins go
by 15... i head on in... the stupid guy is taking YEARS to complete
what should have been ready oh way, WHEN WE SIGNED UP FOR THIS
APARTMENT! Well, whatever.. no one knows what the fuck is going on...
and about 45 mins with wrestling with this dumb fucker, we finally get
to move in. We drive around the back of the building and alas, 3 cars
are lined up were we are moving.

Oh, that's fine. I have enough confidence now to drive something 40
feet - I got right close to the damn car with only inches to spare -
park, and star to unpack.

We cant find the service elevator - i mean, we know where to get the
elvator, but the actual elevator is gone... somewher eon the 10th
floor... well, turns out some damn chinese lady STOLE our elevator - i
wasnt here for this bit, but supposedly ali gave this lady something
to think about - like not being born yet... yeah... so, ali wrecked
house and we started to load....

Getting the stuff into the apt was uneventful - not to mention that we
had to go BACK DOWN to the office - they tried to rip us off 300
bucks, but ali kicked the guy in the shins and made him bleed -

Later, we drove back to U Haul dropped off the POS death bus and
headed back to our new home... The U Haul people laughed at me when i
told them all the problems with the death bus and how it should have
been left in a dump 10 years ago...

What an experience that I am glad is over - you guys would have been proud!

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