United We Stand...to get screwed

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Greetings Everyone,



After 24 hours of travel we are currently enjoying a beautiful sunrise in...San Francisco. I am beginning to suspect that when we began our drive to O'Hare yesterday we slipped through an inter-dimension vortex that took us to a parallel universe in which it is every human being's first day on the job. We arrived for our 3PM flight at 11AM. Online check in had been disconnected due to United's recent merger so we had to wait in line for the United desk to check-in. After an unremarkable twenty minute wait we are prompted to scan our passports in what looks like a supermarket check out scanner. Upon doing so, the screen says "Your itinerary has been changed. Please see a customer service representative." I look at the employee immediately in front of me and tell her what it says and she lets me know that the message actually means I need to go to a different desk to find what changes have been made to my flight schedule. "Thank you for your patience", she says with a photo-smile.

We wait for about 15 minutes in the next line and we tell the woman about what happened when we scanned our passports. She looks into the system for about ten minutes and says that the flight we had booked has been canceled - but not to worry an identical plane will be taking off for the same destination at the same time. Of course, we are relieved this doesn't (seemingly) have any impact on our trip. However, before she can print our boarding passes, a fellow employee is having trouble with his particular computer and she excuses herself to offer assistance. She returns 30 minutes later and in 45 seconds prints what we need. She thanks us for our patience.

But who cares - our plane is leaving on-time so nothing is really impacted. We go to our terminal, to wait for our 3PM departure. At around 2:10 they begin to board - here we come New Zealand! At 2:30, before we (and about half the passengers) had boarded they announce that there is a "leak" on the aircraft but they should have it fixed in 45 minutes. While annoying, it isn't a big deal because we are assued we will still make our connecting flight - which is what really matters. About 30 minutes later they announce that the plane upon which we had just been boarding "has a seriously mechanical failure and would no be flying today". We are thanked for our patience as we wait to hear what the remedy to this problem will be.

Good news comes over the PA - they have found an identical plane at the adjacent to terminal that can take us - and we will still make our connecting flights! As a luggage-carry herd we all head to the new gate. When we arrive it is clear that there are already hundreds of people waiting for an imminently departing flight. After five minutes of general bewilderment, the PA chimes and we hear that it appears that this plane is actually headed to Portland - but in just a couple additional hours we will be able to leave for San Fran. At this point there is no hope of making our connecting flight to New Zealand in San Fran. As the customer service representative repeats our new departure time - after 6PM - he thanks us for our patience.

Before departing we are reassured that upon our arrival in SF they will be able to book us on the earliest possible flight for NZ the next day and accomodate all of our resulting needs - food, transportation, and a place to stay. We start to board and our told it is actually no longer an AirBus we are taking, but a 757. There is not enough room for everybody's stuff and we will have to check our bags at the plane door. They tell me I will just have to pick them up in San Francisco. As Sarah and I get to our seats, there is somebody sitting in hers. He sadly says that he and an elderly woman were given the same seat and he didn't know what to do. He is escorted off the plane. Our flight begins with a video explaining how committed United is to customer service and logistcal excellence. And then they thank us for our patience given our late departure.

We land in SF after an uneventful flight (although they could have thrown in a free snack for our trouble). As we grab our bags, I am thankful that United's SF staff should have a nice itinerary all set for us with plans for food, lodging, and an early flight to NZ the next day. After we get our bags and head to the United service (yeah right). In addition to us, there is a group of 22 Northwestern Law students also going to NZ. As we approach the service desk, they are next to us being "helped" by another employee. At this point is around 11PM Central Time. The person we are working with has absolutely no clue what we are talking about and has no idea what to do. Nobody does. Every twenty minutes for the next two hours a different person comes out and says what's going on? Then says I will get on that and goes into a back room. We, along with the students, are getting a bit incredulous. One of United's Anti-Customer service agents says to our group, "Damn, this place is gonna burn down." Then a man who looked liked Rodney Dangerfield in a cheap suit walks out of the back and starts going up to each of us saying "Hi, I am the managed, I just wanted to give you my card. Thanks for your patience." My brain nearly melts trying to understand how he thinks this does any good. Then he just walks away never to be seen again. I am glad I have his contact information.

Then, another man emerges from the back and says "Did you guys miss a connection or something?" I tell him that we did and explain that we need a new flight, a place, to stay, and some food - none was provided on our four hour flight. Over the next 45 minutes he slowly pieces together these things - all in hilarious poor fashion. To cover us for food for the next 24 hours he gives each of us a 20 dollar subway voucher - you can imagine how far that goes at San Francisco's airport. He tells us one of our groupmates is registered as a United employee and cannot get a hotel room - this takes about 15 minutes to sort out. He then explains that he THINKS he has booked us seats on a flight leaving at 8PM today (24 hours later than originally planned). He mentions we should call the Air New Zealand in the morning to make sure he really did book us seats. He hands us a 65 dollar Comfort Suites voucher as he points us to the shuttle and thanks us for our patience.

So here we are, in a Comfort Suites in San Francisco. We have to check out at 11AM Pacific time (it is 10 here currently) and then enjoy the airport in the nine hours until our flight leaves. We are patiently waiting.

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