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Published: July 30th 2014
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I miss boating ... I’M TELLING YA, DON’T COME HOME! Who was it that told me emphatically “Don’t Come Home”? It wasn’t just one of you.
Silly me for making plans to do so to service a handful of clients for whom I was unable to provide relief coverage. Once I had committed, well I couldn’t back out, and I couldn’t get my points back on my airfare in any event. So suck it up, it won’t be that bad, just 4 hectic days of a schedule packed tighter than sardines in a can, put my head down, get it done, just do it (my favourite mantra, thanks Nike), and then I will be back on that plane to Palm Springs and back on my beloved bike. Easy peasy.
I’m into it less than two days now. Let’s rethink all that.
Day One plays out. First, my schedule undergoes a complete rework due to one client’s request for a time/day change. OK, I can do this. Wednesday will be now be hell, but if Obama can, I can. Maybe I'll get a head start and work on a file tonight. Or not. My computer won't open the file. Why doesn't it
work? It’s like being on anchor on the boat. All goes well until the wind starts to blow, which is usually at midnight when it’s pitch black and you’re already asleep and you have no help from the moon to see what the heck you are doing. So, no techie instantly available at 9:30 pm. Ya think? (Kudo’s to Brian though, who is also a crazy like me and works when he is on holidays – he texted me offering help, after I had gone to bed late last night – I love this guy). Anyway I guess I will have to get it resolved when I get back from being up island. Which brings me to day two.
Day Two plays out. I’m scheduled to be in Nanaimo at 8 this morning. Which means, up at 5:30, out the door at 6. Got up at 5:30, out the door at 6:00, into car, push start, NO START. That’s weird, I thought my keys were in my purse. Push start. It will work this time. I’m such an idiot sometimes. NO START. Groundhog day. Stupid BMW. So finicky. Push start one more time, like miracles are about to happen.
NO START. OK, maybe the keys are on the back seat, which is too far from the dash. Nope. Must be on the worktop inside. Get out of car. Go back inside. No keys on worktop. Must be upstairs in the bedroom. Go upstairs. Nope. Shit. Now I’m going to be late. Where are they? Go to my office. Attempt to open door. LOCKED. Bigger SHIT. Look all over again. F__k. You’ve got to be kidding me right? Did I really leave them in my office? OK, look for spare key to office. Go to secret spare key hanging place. Why isn’t it in that secret place? Did I move the secret place? OK deep breath. You can do this. Think it through. Where is the spare key?????? Yeah well that helped. Plan B. Get phone from purse (at least I have that). Google “how to break into locked door”. All I can say is whoever wrote the answer is on drugs. I mean, really, insert sharp knife into door handle and fiddle with it until you hear it click? What’s more ridiculous is that I actually tried it. Today’s headlines: LOCAL ACCOUNTANT LOSES FINGER TRYING TO BREAK INTO OWN
HOME IN ORDER TO WORK. Sharp knife, for the record, does NOT work. Neither did the paperclip, BBQ skewer, or screwdriver. The only thing I managed to do was wake my youngest sleeping beauty who is a bear when woken up before she gets her 15 hours. Good one Helli. I am going to be SO late. Totally frustrated now, I give up and phone Price’s Locks. It’s 6:15 am. The answering service lady (who’d have thought) tells me it will be an outside of regular hours charge and do I really want to proceed? Hmm, yes, unless you can tell me for free the real secret of how to break into a locked door? 45 minutes later, a grumpy lock guy who I’ve also woken up shows up, bangs the hell out of the door lock for over ten minutes, which wakes up my youngest sleeping beauty for the second time (I leave it to your imagination as a parent as to how that scenario played out), and he finally unlocks the door to reveal my keys lying there on the desk. “How would you like to pay” he casually asks with a yawn. You don’t want to know
what I paid. What a ripoff. I should incorporate the “outside of regular hours” feature into my rates. I could retire 5 years early. The kicker: he didn’t even ask me for any id! So, an hour behind schedule now, I am finally out the door and, sadly, unable to drive to Nanaimo in the “efficient” manner I normally would. Things come in three’s you know.
Guess I should have listened to some of you, eh????
The rest of my week can only get better, can’t it? Once I get my computer working…..
To close with a smile: when I was on my flight from LAX yesterday, beverage service was in the works, and while I was eagerly awaiting my expensive 3 ounce glass of OJ and child-size package of daily-sodium-overdose snack, I got a glimpse of what I am destined to be like when I am 80. The flight attendant asked the lady seated behind me what she would like. In her lovely Queen’s English, she responded “tea please, dear”, to which the attendant asked “do you take anything in your tea?”, to which the little old lady responded ”hot water please”. I was instantly surrounded
by shoulders bouncing up and down and awwwwws. The attendant passes her the cup, smiling kindly, and proceeds to move onto the next passenger. She’s interrupted by the little old lady, who asks her for milk for her tea. Go figure!
P.S. Westjet now charges $4.00 for a blanket. Go figure!
P.P.S. I added some random fun photos that I found on my laptop because I don't have the computer right now. Nothing to do with the blog or working!
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Janet Sawatsky
non-member comment
Coffee time
As Helen and I sit in the warmth of the sun drinking our Starbucks latte's, that took 15 minutes to be made because it was so crazzzzy busy, chatting and laughing and just catching up on the past month or so, she says to me " have you read my blog today"? ....... Seriously Helen... do you think I would have been enjoying the time with you as much if I had read it? !!! So thank you so much for fitting me into your short, chaotic, return. And I thought dealing with getting on the wrong bus this morning and still making it to work on time was triumphant. hugs, and be safe on those bikes.