Whining Maggots

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Unbelievably, in less than 24 hours after posting the last last blog I have had over 20 people write (anonymously) berating me for spoiling the precious ecosystem of the desert in my gas-guzzling 4X4.


So what is my response? Well, for a start, it is bl**dy good fun, but if you want to get picky, lets do some maths and science, like I've always said, you cannot argue with maths or science.


At 15psi, each of my tyres is 300mm wide. We did 87km off road on Friday and the UAE has an area of 82,880 sq km.


Therefore the total area of my tracks is 0.0003 X 2 X 87 = 0.052 sq km. That means I impacted on 0.00000062 of the UAE, which is less that 1/1500000 of the total area which is hardly significant. You lose more than that percentage of your body weight if you leave a fingerprint on a glass. Also, remember it is SAND, which is blowing about all over the place, so as I type this my tracks are already gone. Anyone would think I was driving over rare orchids and baby pandas.


While I've got my white lab coat on, I'll address the "gas-guzzling" accusation. My Land Cruiser emits approximately the same amount of Carbon Dioxide every year as four cows, plus my car does not eat any grass, which converts CO2 into oxygen, which accounts for two cows. So all I need to do to make my car carbon neutral is to kill two cows per year. "But Alan" I can hear the pseudo hippy eco-warrior bleat, "that's just a waste". Well, not if I eat the cows is it? In order to get through two 800 lb cows, all I need to do is ensure I eat 4lb 6oz of steak or chilli per day. An easy task for any real man.


I'm telling you, it's lateral thinking like this that is going to save the planet, not moaning and spoiling people's fun.

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Comments

[anonymous]

Shut up Bob, Alan is a REAL man, in every sense of the word, signed, My Wife...er...I mean Sherren

[James]

lol
Love it, you so make us laugh! keep up the slagging off!

[jimichoo]

Nicely put
Keep it up Alan, priceless my friend.