HALELUJIAH ISTANBUL and Turkish Baths!!! ... Not so much Turkish Men

All of East Africa, I thought I was ready to go home. I thought I was over traveling and had reached a catch 22 where I wanted to continue, but knew if I did, wouldn't be able to appreciate it because I'd seen too much. Then I arrived in Turkey and 2 seconds later, all those ideas went flying out the window.

Back to my happy self, it was time to explore Istanbul, and that I did. I loved everything about it, except for one thing: the "Turkish man" experience I and so many other unaccompanied women seem to have in this city and this city alone in Turkey.

ISTANBUL:
Like the Rio or Barcelona of the East, Istanbul is full of positive energy and gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous! Set on the Bosphorous Straight between the Black Sea and Sea of Marmara, it not only holds historical sights printed in my old history books, but the opportunity to delve into a world where East meets West.

I really enjoyed visiting the Aya Sofya with its mosaics and architecture reflecting former Muslim and Christian conversions. The Blue Mosque was equally impressive, but I have mixed feelings about how the men get about 99% of the mosque to pray in while the women are shoved in this tiny boxed off corner behind the shoe rack so their behinds can't be seen by the men when they kneel down. My favorite though, was the Bosphorous cruise where I got great views of Istanbul and waterfront houses of the rich and famous. Oh, and a few things in the never ending Topkapi palace: an 86 carat diamond, Prophet Muhammad's beard and John the Baptists actual arm in armour. So weird.

Moving on to the food, DELICIOUS! Maybe not as delicious as Greek food since the Greeks have the sauces down and don't just give you a dry donner with meat, fries and salad, but I still can't get enough of the mixed mezze (appetizer) plates, apple tea or Turkish pizza. What is up with no falafel though?! I guess it's not Turkish... But I was really looking forward to it.

What I was also looking forward to was a serious scrubbing after Africa, so I went to a Turkish bath, and boy was it an experience.

TURKISH BATH:
After stripping down to my underwear and wrapping a thin cloth around myself, I was directed to the sauna. The moment I entered I felt like a princess in an ancient palace. The sauna was huge! There was a big round marble table in the middle to lay on and as I lay there, I looked up at intricately carved holes in the ceiling and water faucets around me.

I had no idea what to do, and neither did the next woman who stepped in so we just relaxed in the sauna. Then, in comes this huge, big breasted, topless, Turkish woman whose stomach is hanging over her underwear, followed by another for the other lady awaiting a bath. She tells me to come lay down near the edge of the round table.

Next thing I know, I'm getting scrubbed and cleaned so well that when I sit up, I see way too many black rolls of dirt that came off my body.

After getting rinsed, it was time for the bubble bath, without a bath tub. Somehow, I was covered in bubbles and getting a massage. It all basically felt like I was 4 years old again and getting washed by my mom, except that she was replaced by this overweight Turkish woman who kept slapping my ass to tell me to turn over.

Once I was cleaned, hair and all, I stayed in the sauna for a little while longer before leaving to the air conditioned room and ordering an overpriced but very necessary drink. What a day! And that doesn't even compare to the experience the males get in their separate Hamam. Apparently, they get it rougher by being hit with the towel or what not.

TURKISH MEN:
Everyone in Istanbul and Turkey in general is super friendly. They all want to help you out and are genuinely nice (unlike.. cough, cough, East Africa). Sure they may try to sell you a carpet, cause judging by my age and giant backpacking backpack, I obviously look like I'm going to buy one..... But they understand no so there are no problems there.

What I got a lot more of in Istanbul than anywhere else in Turkey though was "Where you from?," "Can I help you?" "Yes please?" or "Did you come from heaven?" (I'm not kidding) as I walked down the street solo. Everybody (and by that I mean every male) wants to be your friend or at least get some attention. Hostels warn you about this and I now understand why.

If you're not familiar with the Turkish male stereotype, let's just say that Italy gets the reputation and Argentinian men may be very aggressive, but Turkish men win hands down! And, it's understandable why they're like this once you realize that a lot of women actually do just come to Istanbul for the men and for the sex. They are attractive no doubt, but their sleaziness, cheesiness, and BS are not appealing to me.

While Western women definitely influenced this Muslim yet not so Muslim society, Arab women too make these attractive stallions act like this. I mean, with women coming up to them asking for sex sometimes, or their merely having to put in some effort with about 10 to get one all the way, the odds are in their favor so, they play them.

Just when I was in Istanbul, a group of 7 women from Morocco without their husbands stayed at my hostel. Each night, they would throw on make up, tight clothing, short skirts, heals and drink and smoke. One of them had a thing with the hostel owner and you bet he didn't hold back. Something tells me these women don't act this way back in Morocco though... but Turkey, gives them the chance since it allows all variations of muslim within the country.

As for my experience... well, let's just say that it wasn't uncommon. When I talked to other girls, they had very similar ones and similar views about men here.

It all started when I was lost looking for my hostel. Some guy told me he'd help me but first told me to relax, put my stuff down, go in his store and have tea. Exhausted, I walk in and the first thing I said was "I'm not buying anything". He didn't care. "I don't want your money" he responded and I thought THANK GOD after Africa. We had tea and he told me he'd show me the Blue Mosque and that he would be my first Turkish friend. I told him I have a boyfriend and am not interested in him or paying him in other ways just to make things clear. Once again, he seemed to get it.

When I went back to get him to show me the Blue Mosque, he was with a couple who were buying things from his store. The man was from Baharin and the woman from Uzbekistan. They had a very interesting relationship whereby they met on facebook, just saw eachother for the first time 3 days before and she now said things like "Buy me this $200 purse" and he did it.

Anyway, we all hung out and it was fun. We made plans for that evening. When I went to meet up with everyone, the couple wasn't there. They "would meet later". So, I went to dinner with this Turkish guy, then Hookah and then a club. We had great conversations and learned a lot about Turkey (which is why I went out with him), but a few drinks into the night later he kept trying to hold my hand and get closer. I would literally pick it up and move it, and move away from him, but he never learned.

"Turkish men are like that" and I should feel comfortable and embrace it, he said. After making it clear I wanted space and for him to stop touching me because my definition of friendship is different, he ended up telling me I'm the 2nd person to make him feel so uncomfortable. "Well, either you feel uncomfortable cause you can't touch me or I feel uncomfortable cause you do so, just don't touch me." And then he'd got sad and I wouldn't show sympathy and blah blah blah. Basically, a Turkish man can't be friends with a woman and if you can hold a conversation with someone and you are having a good time, you should obviously have sex with them. That's what he was trying to tell me.

At the end of the night he even told me I was going back to his house and I just laughed and said "I don't think so" and went to shake his hand because we were friends and unless I was rude, he wouldn't get it. So, he got angry and stormed off like a 12 year old.

I never saw him again, but the guys at the hostel confirmed this whole "men and women can't be friends" thing in their culture and that they understand that in the States and other Western Countries you can go out with someone of the opposite sex and just hang out, but here, when you do that, they think you want sex or will have sex with them (unless it's a friend of a friend or something and the lines are clearly defined). How annoying! What ever happened to just enjoying conversation and erring on the side of friendship instead of sex?! All I have to say is THANK GOD for my many wonderful male friends. I've never appreciated their real respect for me (not, I respect women and you're equal but we can't be friends mentality) more!

And thankfully, I never dealt with another Turkish man problem the rest of my time here. I tuned out every man shouting at me and just listened to stories of women holding it in and then exploding on the 10th Turkish man to call out after them as they walked down the street.

I guess I understand the way things are with how touristy Istanbul is, but in the rest of the country, men and all Turkish people were some of the most hospitable I've met on this entire trip. I don't want to say it was bad luck, because if it was luck, a large percentage of unaccompanied tourist women wouldn't have something to say on this subject from experience in Istanbul... So, I like to stay positive and am much more able to do so after making real Turkish friends in the rest of Western Turkey where men are much more chilled out. If you would've told me while in Istanbul that Turkish men could just be nice and only want friendship, I wouldn't have believed you, but now I do and it's funny that my 2nd time around in Istanbul, staying in a different location, I had a completely different and positive experience. Too bad those bad apples ruin the reputation of so many!

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