Put the ipod back on - Esfahan conversing

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Each day in Iran you start your day leaving your hotel as if you are a taxi driver. Not knowing where you’ll go, where you’ll end up and which characters you’ll meet. Esfahan is no different.

Many Iranian people holiday here because its one of the Islamic worlds finest cities. It definitely is the cleanest I’ve seen.

I decided to walk down to the river and felt safe enough to fall asleep in the full sun that shone my first afternoon. When I awoke I needed some liquids to fix my dry mouth. There I met Lazza (changed name) a 27-year-old guy and his two friends. He asked me to sit with him and from then on I knew I was in for the long haul (3-4 hours.)

He was highly religious and the conversations would eventually answer some questions I thought I would struggle to get answers to. Generally with people older than 21 the openness goes hot and cold. I found if I could relate to his problems with problems in Sydney it created some trust.

He was into the Quran but did mention his displeasure with the way the country is being run. Within the first 5-10 minutes he announced that he is not getting married. This means he will not be having sex. It’s a choice that he has made because he wants to be free. At 25-30 is the usual male age to marry. He also mentioned that if he were to change his mind he would marry a Lebanese women because they are very loyal.

By this stage we had started to walk along the river passing bridges and sections that had water and some parts that had dried out. We sidetracked to Iran. I said that if you compare Iran to other countries in the world the people here are better off than say South America. I said that if you ask a family in say Bolivia that you have two options one stay here on the street where you will probably die of starvation or two move to Iran where you are not going to be extremely comfortable. You will have to follow a few rules but at least you will have the comfort of the necessities. I think they will choose Iran. Sometimes full freedom can backfire.

He did mention that he travels to Turkey sometimes and there was “…whiskey, beer to buy - I didn’t want it but to have the option is all I want.”

This lead to the 1979 revolution as we walked underneath a bridge and he would point out the difference between the elders. The ones against the revolution - generally in larger groups wearing more western old man clothes and the ones who accepted - more 1900’s like.

We would than go back to women (as all Iranian men do) I asked what would he do to find a women? What would he look for? He would call a potential mate as “daughter”. To indicate virginity he would say, “She would have to be ‘not open’”. Now lets put this into perspective I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and say his English was not perfect and maybe he couldn’t find the appropriate words.

He would trust his families judgment more than if he met a girl in a public place because “She may have other boyfriends too”. He mentioned he did have a chance to marry but chose not to.

I asked about condoms and weather they can be bought. And he said yes over the counter at a chemist. I found it curious that the government allows it to be sold? So I asked him why? Apparently the Aids rate increased so the government had to do something. (I’ll have to have a look into that later.)

He went on to say that if the police catch the couple having sex outside of marriage than they would be punished depending on whether she was “open” before or not. If she wasn’t than they will marry. If she weren’t closed before than there would be lashes.

We then went onto after the wedding and lets say it was discovered that she was previously opened (or repackaged as it were) what would happen? Lazza said that it says that she has lied and he can’t trust her so the marriage is over. I was close to saying ‘well have you ever thought that she lied because she knew she would be chastised no matter what so she might as well take the gamble and try and not get caught.’ But you have to be selective. I was getting a lot of information from this guy.

He asked if it would matter to me. I replied the chances of me finding a girl in Australia unopened over the age of 17 is very slim. He then asked me a disturbing question about how I would feel about my sister. If she had been with males and what do I say to her? Does she tell you? I said, “She would say it is none of your business.” To put it subtly.

He mentioned about a 40 year old marrying at 16 year old and how he is a good man. I said in Australia I am 27. Socially I am accepted to be with maybe a 20 year old at best. If I were to be with a 16-17 year old I would be thought of as weird, there is something wrong with me.

Afternoon became early night and over an ice cream he would point out the colours that females wear and what personality it represents. Women who wear black he’d class as “Gentle” or “Good women” When one walked past he’d go “See she’s gentle see? She’s a good girl. If I say hello to her she will not say anything maybe get angry (that sounds like Sydney girls I should have said accept for the good girl part) that is because of the religion.”

“Girls with colour on the other hand especially reds, yellows and orange. These girls are not good girls.” Now lets put this into perspective he is not saying they are bad in general just in following the rules. He said these girls you can wink at and… (To fill-in the gap here - have been opened) Now that is a massive generalisation but lets continue. He said that that is fine they can wear whatever they want I just wouldn’t choose them. I would prefer more “gentle”.

Before we said our farewells his friend, lets not forget he is still walking with us (the other buggered of an hour ago) asked a question in Farsi. What have I learnt so far in Iran? I was honest. “Iran is a friendly place and women here do have a bit more freedom than I expected. There is an element of expression, not much but there is.” I said “the government here is so closed that the only people that cover Iran in movies and documentaries are mostly people of the extreme points of view. And on the other side we get the extreme government point of view on the news.”

But for the women the hejab and dress rules are just a mask of what is behind the scenes. After Lazza I was exhausted and said to myself no more talking to men I have them covered. What about the women of Iran?

Where I was staying I met some guys who were meeting up with two local girls so I joined them for some tea in Jolfa the Armenian quarter. Two really lovely girls in their early 20’s. In Iran it is sometimes frowned upon but generally accepted for anyone to hang around tourists as it’s assumed they are practicing their English.

In general I find the Iranian women who wear colour really strong personalities. Intelligent and sometimes quick witted. It is weird though when you say goodbye its either the words “goodbye” or “Khorda Hafez” and walk off or at best a hand shake. When done on a main street the handshake can produce some glares. There is to be no touching.

What was interesting was when it got dark and we went to go for dinner. We had to zig zag our way around the city to avoid the police. Apparently it is not allowed for women to walk the streets unless they are with the family. If they get caught they call their parents. Again these girls are in their early 20’s. When the 5 of us said goodbye to them they had tears in their eyes. Most likely because for them it gives them a taste of what freedom is like.

I try not to re-unite with the locals because I want a full scope of life here and if I stick to one person than I am getting one point of view on a city. So the next day I went around the Imam Square, which has two of the most attractive mosques I’ve seen. Whilst there I spoke to Shazza (Name changed) She was a student and interested in Architecture. She was from out of town (won’t mention the city) and staying with a family friend. I asked “If she didn’t know anyone here would she be allowed to stay at a hotel?” She said “No only if I had written permission from my father, if he dies then my brother would take over.” This would be the case until she marries. I asked her is it better to marry or not. “Depends on who you marry and if your father is open minded.”

She reconfirmed the mihri about reassurance payment should there be a divorce. She said that her sister divorced and is now back home but didn’t get any payment. She said that her family is very lucky because her dad is very progressive. Usually if the husband doesn’t want to divorce than the only other way for a female to get out of the marriage is if it is classed that he is insane or on drugs or if the father signs papers to take back responsibility of which she gets no money. She is now classed as a bad seed and is unlikely to marry again. (I suspect because she has been “opened.”) Shazza wore browns and cream colours and said that what colour females wear represents how open minded the father is.

This is just a few examples of the conversations I had in Iran. I hope you could capture the intensity in each conversation I had. The different spin they put on what we’d class as simple topics like sex and clothes. Esfahan was a progressive step into getting into the psyci of the Iranian people I was unsure after this if I could handle it for too much longer. That’s why from here on in the ipod was back in the ears for some much needed Drew time.

Worth Noting: quoted from Lonely Planet guide book
The Prophet Mohammed was the first to address women’s rights. Recognising that men and women have different rights and responsibilities. Men are expected to provide financially therefore women are not seen as needing legal rights as men are there to protect and maintain them.

Assumed Nationality - German, Italian, French, Dutch.

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Photos

Sheikh Lotfollah Mosque
Mosque was originally meant for the women of the Shahs.

Imam Mosque
From the scholers area