European Union My Ass

European Union My Ass

Dear Random Internet Blog Reader: This is one of those blogs where i'm not too happy. If you aren't friend of mine personally and you randomly came across this blog don't read it. And if you do, don't complain. I only listen to my friends and i don't feel like reading your comments after i warned you not to read this blog.

After spending about $1000 to get from Rome to London in less than 40 hours (i'm still not there yet) i have some emotional baggage i'd like to dump off....

Now i know back home in the states, each of the states have their own issues, some have issues with each other. And nobody likes Texas because Texas don't like nobody. And let's all admit it, if Mississippi disappeared no one would notice. Hell, we love New Orleans and i bet at least 1 in 10 Americans probably think it's no longer a city after Hurrican Katrina, unless they watch the Hornets or Saints play on TV. Matter of fact, it still isn't a city, thanks George Bush, next time we'll schedule John McCains birthday party around the natural disasters and we'll make sure the CIA finds other ways to funnel their money into cash so rebuilding may actually take place before 2010 (you'll have to see me for more info on that one).

What i'm trying to say is, for all the shit i give the United States, and there is plenty to dish out, Europe has a long ways to go before i will consider the European Union anything other than a joke. Here's a few petty examples;

Currency; Croatia, Slovakia, Poland, Hungary, Czech, Switzerland and the United Kingdom all use different money than the Euro, so every time you go to a new country you have to withdraw funds from an ATM (never use the cash exchange people), hope the exchange rate doesn't take a fat chunk out of your ass and then you have to find a way to spend it all before you leave, otherwise you end up lugging around 12,000 Hungarian dollars which you could trade for Mc Nugget dipping sauce at the Budapest train station Mc Donalds. And someone please explain to me how the fuck the exchange rate is based upon the going cost of oil barrels? I like that i can fly to Florida, then North Dakota and then Hawaii and still buy a tall can with a few hits of George Washington. Europe, not so easy. United my ass.

Electrical Sockets; I am now the proud owner of 7 different plug adapters. France and Portugal, same. Italy and Spain, same, UK and Ireland same, bleguim and swiss, both different from each other and the rest of Europe. Some places we could rig other sockets to work, so long as the power at the hotel didn't short and fry our laptops like they did Tara's growing collection of city dump bound hairdryers. Some sockets were the same size, but they make the inlet concave so you need an extended/round version of a plug you already have. One union, one socket. United my ass.

Paying to Enter, Paying to Leave; I know some places back home make you pay to get into them, like San Francisco and New York and outside of Los Angeles and Houston there are toll roads. But here in Europe a lot of countries make you pay some serious change if you want to enter or leave their country. In Croatia, Slovakia, Greece and France, you have to pay to get in and you have to pay to get out. In the case of France to England, you have to pay to get into France, pay to leave to England, then pay to get into England and then pay to get into London. I can't wait to leave England. If foul language was currency, i'd still be broke after the day i've had. Free reign between borders of the European Union? I think not. United my ass.

Charging for Everything: I thought that the U.S. was greedy (we are) but at least you can get some shit for free without stealing it. Here in Europe everything costs money. Information, internet, toilets, salt packets, hell they charge you a cover charge to sit down and have dinner in Italy. Can you imagine paying a cover charge just to sit down at Zot's Hot Dog in Chico to get some nachos? But that's the game, make money off of everyone wether you are a tourist or a member of the European Union Family. United my ass.

Language: I have a riddle for you, what has over 20 members and only 3 of them speak the same language? Give up? The European Union and the answer was England, Scotland and Ireland, which regardless of what we all think, Ireland is still pretty much England. Though there is no official language in the United States and there are parts of Texas, California and Minnesota where i can't understand what people are saying, 99% of the country is still on the same page. United my ass.

Sports Teams: Could you imagine what would happen if the European Union put together a united front on national sports? It would look like this:

Olympic Gold Medals SUmmer and WInter: European Union Total: All of them, except Ping Pong and Snowboarding
FIFA World Cup: European Union Winners, first, second and third place
World Baseball Classic: I still gotta give this one to Cuba, Japan or the Domican
Every other sport except, still Ping Pong and Golf when Tiger Woods is Healthy would go to the European Union

Enjoy winning at almost nothing Europe Union.

Before i finish, let me say that i still have yet to meet a French person who i haven't liked. If anything the French and all the Jews are the nicest people we've encountered on our entire journey, which is funny cause they're the least tolerated back home and around the world. So for the rest of the year, both get a break from me.

So in conclusion together we can all say at the same time. Europe is wonderful and has so much to offer and so much to teach the United States, but don't be dumb Europe, lose the borders, join together, kick some ass, take no names, think world domination. Until then, we can all collectively say, European Union, United My Ass.

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