J2

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Ok so I haven't written in ages, same excuse as last time (does it get old??) I've not really been going anywhere and to be honest I don't think stories of sitting ina cubical and negotiating debts whist juggling three computer programs with a screaming customer is very interesting... well.. some days it is.
I DID go somewhere yesterday, normally these blogs are reserved for actual travel adventure tales but being on the other side of the world and all this night seemed like something to write home about.

It started yesterday night and it seemed like the perfect formula.


1 tsp of freshly paid
1 sprinkle of sense of freedom
1 part girl - (that’s me) who never goes to night clubs
2 part girl - that do go out and have connections to every night club in town and one of them is moving to the Grand Canaria to work in a bar for the next few years and this is the final show down.



My evening began hanging out with few friends one whom dropped me off to meet up at Lisas work. I had been told to arrive at 11 and had slapped on an inch of make up and a one sleeved shirt and what I thought to be sensible.. flat sandals. Lisa got off work and we ordered a round which arrived twice. The servers apologized and said we could have both.. I read about this once I think it's called the liquor omen, it means you're going to have a wild night filled with blurry memories.
After realizing we were running almost an hour late we slammed out drinks and rushed out the door to meet the gang. When we arrived across the street and entered the club and had positioned ourselves precisely under a speaker and gave me a chance to realized just how over.. or was I under dressed I was and boring as well. Sure most of the girls were wearing pants like myself , but my one sleeved shirt made me feel I should have just had a sweatshirt on and my inch of make up was perhaps a half inch too thin and what was I thinking leaving the house in anything less than a 3 inch heel?? A few minutes of conversation that can only happen under a speaker "good xmas?" "What?" "christmas!!" "Chris who??" and Lisa motioned for me to drink up, we had been too late and the others had left before we even arrived.
As we approached the next place Lisa was greeted with a loud "hey trouble" and a round of hugs and "Hows the family?" OK time out here... How does one build up a rapport with a bouncer who knows your grandma by her first name? That's just weird.
Anyways we moved in and guided ourselves through the crowd of lip gloss and fresh aftershave only to find our darling Kelly dressed in what would on me look like a cardigan but given the size and shape of Kelly is apparently a dress, throw in matching 4 inch red heels and she's a mini model.. if only she was a foot and a half taller.. shame really. She was already half way through her £90 a bottle of champagne and judging by her smile and sheer joy of seeing us was having a good time already. I handed her my xmas card, better late then never right? And glanced at her purse which roughly resembles a sequined pencil case and offered to throw the card in my bag which is roughly the size of a small suitcase. "Naaah. I'm going to hold on this all night and I bet you I wake up with it in my hands" A black hand entered my vision from behind me and Kelly and myself found ourselves in some kind of a group hug with a giant black man who bellowed into our faces "hellllllloooooooo" "Do you know him?" "I thought you did" Shit this is weird. We pulled away and spoted the 'I've-had-one-too-many-everyone-is-my-friend' look in his eyes and politely inched over to the table of people we DID know and as far away from Creepy Black guy only to be distracted by who I nicknamed Silver Dancer. This girl had the pointiest shiny silver boots I have ever laid eyes on followed up by a flowy rainbow and zebra print dress and was busting out the dance moves. A couple drinks later and some more bar conversation. "Where's the washroom?" "I know I love this place!" we went to headed out to our final destination, the famous (is it infamous?) J2. Four floored nightmare of a fire trap, different music on every dance floor equipped with lights smoke machines and a small army of security. I think anyone who goes out in Bolton is bound to end up here, it seems to be the mecca of the night life. Here too Lisa lead us into building and was again greeted with hugs and kisses on the cheeks by the coat check girl and bouncers "How's your husband?" and she handed us free admission stubs and wished us good night.

Upon seeing the line up for the bar I decided that it was impossible to get drunk, you'd have to order two drinks and get back in que if you wanted anything. But alas lucky us guess who's sister worked behind the bar? We were on our way up to the second floor with drinks in our hands within five minutes of getting into the place. Fabulous this is style. I had to admire Kelly and her expertise in those heels she could go up stairs in those things effortlessly. We climbed to the top floor and danced to music that even in my slight misjudging state was ruining my hearing by the second. Lisa introduced me to someone whose name I couldn't hear, so we whipped out a pen and he wrote it down. Karl. I looked at him and gave him the look over.. perfectly styled hair, tight long sleeved shirt, one earring in the right ear.. bingo gay.. or is that the other ear? I tried to sense my gaydar and it seemed to be picking up on something, then he did the hand flip thing when he laughed. I let my guard down and the four of us danced away the hours.
Somewhere in the middle of this I decided to nip to the toliets my first foot that hit the edge of the metal step slipped and I tumbled down the stairs gracefully and landed flat on my back with one full rum and coke all over me and the floor.. mostly on me. Sensible flat shoes suddenly rendered retarded since they have no grip at all. If I had been wearing heels I bet I would had been fine. I must had looked like an idiot not only had I fallen down the stairs but I was moving my hands and staring at my arms bewildered that I hadnt broken anything, however my right shoulder wasn't feeling so sweet but damn.. not a scatch. Picked myself up and smiled to the crowd of people who had come to see the drunk canadian peel herself off the floor and found the Ladies room. Few minutes later Lisa entered to find me and happily greeted one of the girls that was picking up all the glasses and informed me we're going the floor one.
Here I sat down and Lisa told me I was boring, but I was tired. Karl sat down and crossed his legs (gaydar going off again) and then he continues to babbleing stuff that I couldn't make all of it out but it consisted of how gay his friend said he looked and something else that I couldn't hear.
Now the lights came on and we herded out by the small army and now the second half of most peoples nights begin, drunk and on the streets.. Oh what fun. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Crazy Dancer sitting up against a wall and Karl with some unnamed guy obviously checking in on her. Not seeing her friends anywhere near I wandered over and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You alright?" Her response is nothing that I would want to repeat, basically spitting black venom at me something about her ex. I pointed at the other guy and she pointed at Karl.... wait a sec.."That's your ex?" "Stay the fuck away from me and my ex" Confused with this new revelation and my jaw hanging open I just walked away half chuckling. I started to chase after Lisa and got about half way before Karl ran after to apologize. He tried to explain but before he could get more than a few words out unnamed boy came over started pointing at me and accused him of running off with me and me stealing him... and who the hell was I. "Who the hell are you? And you..."Pointing at Karl "I dont even know you!" Ran and meet up with my friends before saying our drunken goodbyes. Wished them well and we all promised to call each other when we got home to make sure we all got home safe. These are good friends. A nice sobering walk to the taxi firm up the street, past the drunkards in the pizza parlors’ fighting over the last slice and girls with their last inch of make up and dignity being washed away by the rain as they kneel on the ground puking I decided that I had enough action in Bolton for the next few months.

This morning I woke up with a hunger bigger than goliath and used my favorite formula to fix the after affects of the first

1 part shower
1 part mountain of food
1 part can of coke
1 part good tv


That's it.. over and out till the next episode.

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