London Calling

---

For three days, I went to London to visit my Auntie Di and her two kids, Emilie and Olivia, who were visiting the capitol for a while. I took a ridiculously long bus from Edinburgh that left at 5:30. IN THE MORNING. Oh, the humanity. Anyway, I dragged my lazy butt outta bed and moseyed on down to the bus station and boarded a bus with the most hidden toilet ever in the history of buses. For the first six hours, I had no idea there was even a toilet. Lemme tell you, nothing makes you need to pee more than thinking you have no place to do it. When I felt my choices were to either pee out the window (a lá Rat Race) or man up and ask the bus driver if there was a toilet on board, I discovered that the windows don’t open. They must have had this problem before. Luckily for me, I found the toilet hidden under the stairs. Why couldn’t the Brits stick it at the back, like everyone else? Why do they gotta be weird about their toilets, man? It’s so weird. And if they must be weird, why can’t they at least advertise with big signs that say “TOILET, LIKE HARRY POTTER, FOUND UNDER STAIRS”. It would save the world a lot of grief. And possibly lead to world peace.



Then I got to London, at which time my phone promptly died. I tried to get a cab to the hotel, but FUN FACT: Scottish pounds are fake money to the snobbish London cabbies so I had to navigate using maps I found on street corners. That was… Interesting.



I got to the hotel safe and sound (and hugely exhausted) and got the front desk lady to let me into Auntie Di’s room, where I was generously allowed to stay. The view was amazing. We were right across from Big Ben and next to the Eye and I was so impressed. I got to see the girls and catch up with family and it was a lovely time. We went shopping, had amazing fish and chips, drank some lovely tea, and saw two shows (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Billy Elliot). During Charlie, we made the morally grey decision to sneak up a few (like, five or six) rows to sit in better, emptier seats. It was awesome. Both shows were excellent and I am so grateful that I got to hang with loved ones for a while. I don’t get to see them much even in Canada so it was a treat to see them in the UK.



I took a stupidly long bus trip back that started at 10:30 in the PM, which is my preferred waking hour, but I’m among normal people so that didn’t fly. Anyway, after successfully locating the bathroom (I was wise to the British tricks), I settled down and tried to sleep. I discovered that it was quite difficult to sleep through a bus change, when you’re supposed to get off one bus and get on another one at 2 AM. As it turns out, while faking sleep might get your parents to carry you in from the car when you’re a kid, that same strategy is less effective on tired bus drivers who don’t love you.





I managed to be aware enough to get myself and my belongings back to Edinburgh and my warm, not moving bed that loved me in one piece. Overall, I saw a lot in a very short amount of time and it was wonderful.

---