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Published: September 24th 2009
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Aleks & A Rare Midget
Ballydonarea House, Kilcoole, Co Wicklow, Ireland I’ve just been to check in the mirror to see if I’m turning green. I’m feeling so Irish today that I think I’m going to have to write this blog to the sound of an irish jig… Yes… I can see it now!!!
… ahem …
*cue fiddley-type music with a tin flute and a concertina, good for toe tapping or swinging a knacker lass ‘round a room… as I swing a big green hat on, cock me right eye and light me bac-heater!”
THE IRELAND SONG - To be sung in a Belfast accent
I’d loike te say that everythin’ gone rightly as I’d planned,
I’ve found me way te Eire with me shillelagh in me hand!
And round de countryside I went,
N’ by me side a buxom wench!
And loads o’ the coin I’ve feckin’ spent
In this rainy bloody laaaand!
A premature emission from the airbags in the car,
Had
So last week we stayed’n a monster house, in Kilcoole down a lane,
The owners are a looffly bunch, n’ Tindal be their name!
Front door’s worth more than my last car,
Their dogs smell like a badgers arse!
But we
Fishy Abble Joozing
Ballydonarea House, Kilcoole, Co Wicklow, Ireland jumped at the chance to be Royal Guard
Of Bally-don-a-RAAAAAY!
*A little intermission for a spritely jig-off, because dat’s just the craic, roight?”
N’ back inte it!
Ohhhhh the day t’day was grabbin eggs and feeding bastard hens,
We juiced the fruit, fell down the stairs and marveled at the hedge,
The apples and raspberries red and ripe,
Were stuffed into me gob each night,
N’ all I’d do next day was shite
For hour’s n’ hours on eeeend
Our Jo’d arrive with EmilyAnn, her lovely bub, in tow,
She’d palm the midget off to us n’ run off down the road!
But Aleks loves the little brat
She cleaned up her arse every time that she shat
And I’d get a whiff and run screaming, “Stuff that!
I don’t want one o’ thoooose!”
(at a medium pace, slow, soulful music)
But fer true those days were lazy n’ we travelled none at all,
‘Tis kinda hard with busted car, ‘tis a bit too far te walk,
Then an aaaaaaaaangel caaaame
And Veronicaaaaa was her naaaaaaame
She wanted to go to Northern IIIIIRELAAANDD,
And the Giant’s CAAAAUSSEEWWAAAAAAAAAY!!!!
(Back to the jig!)
“What, Belfast?!”
The Daily Takings
Ballydonarea House, Kilcoole, Co Wicklow, Ireland says the other half “But guys… the IRA!!”
I says “My dear, I’d kick their ginger arses anyday”
Their pikie bombs ain’t worth a toss,
They’re just misunderstood” I scoffed.
“It’s hard when no-one understands
A feckin’ ting ye say!”
We took the DART to Booterstown and bundled our chauffeur,
‘Twas three hours in the saddle ‘fore she passed on the floor!
We found a shanty by the sea,
Snarfed cheap-arse pasta down for tea,
A pasta was all we could ‘ford te eat
As the sterling made us poor!
We upped next day te’ a pile of stones they say was Giant-made,
The bastards charged us 13 bucks for parking, which we paid,
We reached the spot, and what a scene
The rocks were tall! The cliffs were mean!
The best coastline I ever seen
In my life I can saaaay!
T’was one ‘ting though that marred the view: the tourist buses there,
The yanks they swarmed, the Frogs they marched, ze Germans everywhere!
With cameras weighing fifty pounds,
They’d spy the stairs and turn around,
While we saw sights along the cliffs
That made us gasp and staaaaare.
(Fiddle Solo - Time to
Giant Egg vs. Normal! Ouch!
Ballydonarea House, Kilcoole, Co Wicklow, Ireland bag meself a pint of the Black Stuff and cock a leg at the porcelain, ye know how these Irish fiddlin’ types like te carry on a bit)
Ohhhh back on the road we drove to The Old Bushmans Factory,
Found a tousand friggin’ tourists and a huge admission fee,
We smelled a waft as we drove out,
The drool came flooding from our mouths,
By Christ the smell, ‘twas glorious!
But no Whisky for meeeee.
Carrick-a-Rede rope bridge was our next venture for the day,
It’s 75 feet ‘bove the ground, but ‘tis stable (so they say)
It’s rope and planks and bugger else,
On rocks you’d shatter if you fell!
But I ran out and loved the smell
Of waves and Ocean spray!
The views from middle of the bridge were lovely in the breeze!
An’ even I felt tempt at toimes to cross it on me knees!
And Aleks, she looked straight ahead,
Her little face was naught but dread,
She thought for shure dat she was better
Swinging on trapeze!
And dat was all excitement we could muster for the North,
We thought “It’s time to bugger off!” and duly sallied forth,
Gin & Amber
Ballydonarea House, Kilcoole, Co Wicklow, Ireland We saw Torr Head on our way down
I climbed an abandoned Coastguard house!
We were but 12 miles from Scotland,
I could see it from the shore!
And then we bedded down in Belfast City for the night
At Arnies Backpack House, and met two lads who were a riot!
They took me out to pubs in town,
A pint of beer, a look around,
The women! By St. Kevin!
They were stunning! What a sight!
(I’m not kiddin ye! Short dresses and high heels fer the win!)
The end was looming quickly but we still had one more stop,
Called Newgrange down in Meath, and it’s an ancient burial spot
Built near 3000 years agoo,
It looks just like a flat igloo,
Three hundred tons of stones and then
Their front lawn on the top!
Inside the mound, a passage, but for wee folk I would say,
I near got stuck and bashed me head but made it all the way,
The inner part’s the grave they tell,
The size of a dunny and dark as hell!
But once a year the rising sun
Lights inside bright as day!
(I tell ye, ye
Sexy Farmer Pose. And Gin.
Ballydonarea House, Kilcoole, Co Wicklow, Ireland have te look tat one up! It’s a right cracker! We couldn’e take any photos inside, but there were people’s names etched inside the inner sanctum-type-ting from waaay back when me great grandpappy was a chiseler!)
And that my friends is just about the lot o’ what we seen,
N’ Northern Eire is one of the best places that I’ve been,
I’ll forget the stunning coast,
I’ll not forget the bridge the most!
N’ I’ll go back to Belfast Town for another pint or three!
A thankye to Veronica, for drivin’ up and down!
A thankye to the lads for the night in Belfast Town
A thankye to me lovely girl,
Who I love best in all the world,
My travel pal! I’d not be here
If she were not around!
And that’s about it. Tune in next time as we come to you LIVE from Galway and Donegal! - Aleks and Fish
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Uncle Al'
non-member comment
Gift of the Gab - and all that shite!
Hey Nicko... I think you should consider a future in television with your own travel show - you certainly have the gift of the gab. Just loved this post from Ireland and the pics are great. I am green with envy... mmm... maybe a little of that Irish is rubbing off (LOL). Look forward to your next post. LUV to you both... Uncle Al'