WILKOOMMMEEEN TO BERNE

---

Hello my darlings,

It has been a whole two day since we've spoken. How are all of you? Well, enough about you, let's talk about me for a change. We arrived in Berne two days ago, as I said in my last entry, and it truly is a beautiful and idyllic little town. That being said we have definitely had some very exciting moments while we've stayed here.

Yesterday, we went on a walk around the city. Mike and I followed the road down to a park. We walked through the park where we met some caged animals. If you walk through the park, they have these animals that you can look at while you go: pelicans, puffins, hogs, antelope, horned beasts, unhorned beasts etc. Ultimately, we arrived at something like riverdale farm. Here's where my life got a little bit more interesting. Mike and I decided to climb in the alligator pit. No. That's not how it happened. We climbed into the goat pen because we were allowed to. It's a little bit like a petting zoo for pygmy goats. These goats are miniature and malicious. Their hourglass eyes see through time and mean you nothing but harm. Mike took pictures of the culprit, which we will post later, but I should say that this one goat was nothing but a sack of mean. Usually, one doesn't feed the animals. Which makes sense, you don't feed the animals your food. We didn't feed the animals our food, we fed them its food. There's a part of the compound where the goats are housed where there is some fresher grass. So, I was yanking the grass out and feeding it to the goat. I should say that I only did this because we saw someone else do it (don't give me the, "if ___ jumped off a bridge, would you?" argument, because it's a silly argument). This woman was feeding the goats the grass so I followed suite. Then, she handed me her child to feed the goat but I refused. I would never feed a goat to a child. Or a child to a goat. Or whatever. Either way, it's wrong to feed children to goats. Here's where my life changed forever. I give this woman back her child. Feed the goat a little more. Stop feeding goat. Turn to Mike to say something. GOAT HEAD BUTTS ME IN THE KNEE JOINT. That's right. Welcome to Berne. This goat smacked me in the knee with its head. So we had a head duel. I got on all fours and stared the goat in its wily eyes. It stared back. Then we charged. It was much smaller than me, I thought I could take it. Long story short, it won. I left with pride and head wounded. Then some zoo woman came over and told me not to headbutt the goat. Anyways.... that's the most eventful thing that happened to me yesterday; an event from which I will never recover. My love for goats has been shattered and now I propose every day is goat-eating day. Eat a goat a day people and you will do the world some good.

After the trauma with the goat, Mike and I continued on our journey into town. We'd heard that there is a bicycle rental service that had been sponsored by McDonalds and we decided to check it out. Turns out that you can get some pretty decent bikes for free for four hours and then you have to start paying for them. It's a sweet deal. It took us some time to actually find the velostation, I had to talk to a real live Spanish person in Spanish for us to get there, but eventually we made it. Then we wandered around, homeless like, and ate some bread with cheese and jam on the street because everywhere had a "picnic verboten" sign on it. So we sat on a cinder block and ate cheese. Some people even gave us change, they felt so bad for us. We were woeful because of the goat incident. We then went back to the velostation, got us some bikes, and road around for the rest of the day. It was nice.

For dinner last night, Claudia, Mike's friend that we're staying with, cooked us a very traditional swiss meal. Fried potato with meat and veggies. It was really tasty and I etted a lot of it. Then Mike and I went out to try and find the local bar that Claudia and her boyfriend, Simon, told us about. It was called cinematte. Cinematte is a bar and a cinema. They often play movies that are not mainstream and last night was no exception. It was nearly impossible to find this place. We would never have found it if we hadn't asked a dozen people along the way to help us out. Finally we ran into this local volleyball crew that had just finished practice and were on their way to cinematte. It was our luck that Dominik spoke English and told us to follow him. He was pretty cool. Then We finally arrived there and Mike ordered a beer that has extra yeast in it, so that when the beer gets poured there are all sorts of swirls and marbling that occurs in the glass. It's quite interesting. A few hours later, we stumbled home.

Today we explore a local brewery and the rosengarten. I am excited. I'll tell you all about it the next time I have a computer at my disposal my dearies.

PS. I don't think Mike's the king, he wrote that.

---