Trannie Tuesday

Victim: Miss K J Polkinghorne

Date: 26/09/06

Time of Incident: 16.30-18.30

Location:2nd floor, Kadetus Hostel

Police Transcript:
Interpreter: So tell me in your own words what happened?
Bo:Well after checking into my hostel at around 4pm I headed into the main square to take in some sights and get all my lovely pics backed up to CD. Spent a few hours I guess, just looking around..you know how it is....then went back to my hostel to get changed.
Polish Policeman (P.P): k;afkj;aienfnnl
Interpreter:And what time was that?
Bo: Around 7 I'd guess.
Interpreter: And then what....?
Bo: As soon as i walked into my room, the other guests started telling me that we'd all been robbed..some guy had been let through reception.....my backpack was open....there was stuff all over the floor....they'd tried to break open the locks on my big backpack...and.....and...
Interpreter: Was it your camera? Ipod? Laptop?....Passport?
Bo....ah...hmmm....no..it was ah.....dkfhd
Interpreter: sorry?
Bo:kdfjjito
Interpreter: sorry i can't hear you.
Bo: It was my TOILETRY BAG!!!
Interpreter:..........(blank look)......kdfj;d;kldj;
P.P......(blank look)........
Interpreter:.....your toiletry bag?
Bo: yes
Interpreter:akdfj;kajfie;j;iej (giggle)
P.P.........ka;kljfkj;kjkj;kji$ %%%%dfjkaj;fklj;
Interpreter: ......(giggle)
P.P.....(giggle)......(cough).....fkjfjflf;akd?
Interpreter:....hmmmggrrrmmhh.... and how much would you say this toiletry bag was worth?
Bo: 60 or 70 pounds.
Interpreter:....(sniggering)....really?
Bo: Yeah...well there was lots in it....perfume...that'd add a bit value wouldn't it?
P.P:kdla;lkdjfelfjlkfjlkajdfkalkjelkjfee
Interpreter: Could you please tell us exactly what was in the...ahh...the ahhh...um.......(pause) ....toiletry bag?
Bo: just cosmetics, perfume......you know.
Interpreter:akfj;lkafjd;klej
P.P:akjfd;klafjd;;a
Interpreter: We need an exact list of the items please.
Bo: oh....oh.....okay....Um....mascara, foundation....tweezers...
Interpreter: tweezers?
Bo: yeah...tweezers.
Interpreter: What is this....this tweezers?
Bo: You know....for plucking your eyebrows?
Interpreter:akdfj;klajdfkl;jdfk;j.....(makes particularly good mime of plucking eyebrows to P.P)...kdjlfkjl;lkjdd
P.P: kjfljdfkljf (looks at me).....lkajfdl;kjeij;ihg (copies plucking mime)....adjfkj;kefklje
Interpreter: (laughs loudly at what i presume is a polish joke about my john howard-esque eyebrows)
Interpreter:.....So this thief he took your tweezers....(snigger) and what else?
Bo: ahhh....lipstick, eye-shadow, moisturiser.......
Interpreter: asdfj;aiejf;iejfiljf;aiejf......Type?
Bo: Sorry?
Interpreter: What type of moisturiser please?
Bo...ahhhh normal to dry???
Interpreter: No....was it L'oreal....clinque.....?
Bo: oh...ahhhhh (laughing nervously)....um....Boots No.7?
Interpreter: (staring blankly).......adfkj;ejfiahgigh;
P.P: (staring blankly) akfjd;aiejf;ae;hgigh;
Interpreter: Anything else?
Bo: my perfume
Interpreter:kjaf;lkja;ekjfekj......Name?
Bo: Amor Amor
Interpreter: Amor Amor?
Bo: Amor Amor
Interpreter: (to P.P).....Amor Amor
P.P: (looking at me)......Amor Amor?
Bo:Amor Amor
P.P: (looking at Interpreter)....Amor Amor?
Interpreter: (smirking).....35 or 50ml?
Bo: JESUS!!!!!...does it matter?
Interpreter: ...............
P.P................jkaj;fkejfke;jf;klje
Interpreter: dfakdfj;kejf;kljef;ljke.........was anything other than your toiletry bag stolen?
Bo:Well yeah....everyone had stuff stolen....the guy next to me had two pairs of shoes taken and some cds....um there was a girl lost her reading lamp...oh....and the british girl across from me had her shampoo taken.
Interpreter: shampoo?
Bo: yeah.
Interpreter:akfjd;kaje;fklje;kjf;klajfelkj
P.P:akdfj;klejf;kljefke
Interpreter: They took shoes and shampoo?
Bo: (defensively) yeah thats what i said.
Interpreter: No passports....no money.....no cameras?
Bo:.....no.....i mean, they did take a US dollar that i was saving for my foreign money collection but thats it....there was heaps of stuff they couldve taken though....cheque books.....meds...the lot....
P.P:kajfd;kje;fke;kfelkfj
Interpreter: But they didn't actually take them?
Bo:...noooo.......
P.P:akjf;lkajef;ie;jfiajf;iejfiejf;e akfj;dkfj;ie......aejfkj;efkje;fkje;fk....
Interpreter: Any suspects?
Bo: What?
Interpreter: Who do you think committed the theft of ahhh...what was it again?
Bo: (giving her the Bo stare)......my toiletry bag.
Interpreter: And?
Bo: shoes
Interpreter:And?
Bo: Shampoo.
Interpreter: Well....is there anyone that.... ahhh....you think would do such a thing?
Bo: Jesus...bloody hell.......i don't know......A down and out trannie?
Interpreter:....a what?
Bo: (blushing)....you know....a (raising eyebrows)......T-R-A-N-S-V-E-S-T-I-T-E.....
Interpreter:...aksfjd;kljef;iejf;iej
P.P:akfj;kejf;kljefl;
Interpreter: I do not know this word....a what?
Bo: A......a......A bloke who gets off from wearing chicks clothes.....
Interpreter:..............
Bo:............
Interpreter:alkfjdkl;jef;kljefkljefkefjkl ekjf;keaklej ekfjkejf
P.P............
Interpreter.............
Bo...........
P.P hrghmm.....(stamps form)....hgrrhm....(signs form)
Interpreter....Thank-you....thats all....here's your form.....thank-you, goodbye.
Bo:....oh...oh...ah...thanks...yeah...thanks a lot....really 'preciate it...yeah..right.....thanks.....nothing against trannies you know.....nothing......ahhh...yeah....let me know if you recover my toiletry bag.....yeah.....so...um...thanks.....bye...

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