It wasn't a feeling of disgust, fear, or curiousity. It was a sense of complete unbelonging, an opressive moral numbness that rejected me and everything I care about. Amsterdam doesn't like me and I don't like it; I couldn't leave fast enough. I knew, on a surface level, what I'd find, but I expected to be able to handle it - I've seen a lot in two months after all - but instead, I just felt like crying. Germany is a nice place to re-adjust to western society, but Amsterdam is a good place to make me, at least, want to
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