Confessions & Lessons from the 'dam.

For me, Amsterdam has an air about it that feels somewhat amiss, but also completely natural.
I packed quite a lot in to my days & nights in Amsterdam from which I learned invalueble lessons, some of which I will now share with my dear readers.

Well, firstly, this is something that I have already shared but I feel,for safety measures, it needs to be expressed again- The Dutch drive on the right! Say it with me "look left, keep right". I did get the hang of it eventually, my trick was just to ride without looking which meant that a) I didn't get scared by all the traffic & b) the cars & trams had no choice but to stop :o).

I also advise that riders familiarise themselves with all aspects of bicycle equipment & repairs so that if , for example, you happen to be heading at 9pm for a night on the town & you're still a good 15 minute ride away-when you start to hear a strange noise coming from the bike all of a sudden you might want to stop. Or, if you're like me, you'll keep peddalling for a good 100m before you finally relinquish to the fact that it is now almost impossible to keep turning the wheels. Plus, the slight clunking noise from the back is not the bike lock on the wheel as previously thought but rather the now loud grinding noise is actually an indication the bike is broken. Upon closer inspection Karina & I realised that I did, in fact, have a puncture. Sighs were shared as we decided to lock the bike up where we were. I was somewhat disapointed as I had found great novelty in the fact that it is common to ride your bicycle to a club & back. Boy was I in for a surprise for the next social norm....
So what do you do when you're half way to your destination, the trams are too difficult, & there's only one bike between two of you?... You dink of course! So lesson number two is in the art of dinking. I haven't been dinked on a bike since I was 8 years old when Steve would take me to school, except then I was about 2 ft shorter & 30kgs lighter so, as you can imagine, I was a bit dubious.... Karina asured me though that it was totally normal & a perfectly acceptable way of getting around, albeit she'd never actually tried it herself.
Right, first step- Position yourself on the rear rack in a side saddle position with your leggs crossed, pull your dress down as far as possible so that you're not falshing half of Amsterdam, & hold on as though your life depended on it -because it does!
Second step is to put complete faith in your driver. I was in absolute hysterics as poor Karina had to push start the bike with a good 70kg of weight to peddal. The laughter became intermittent with squeels of fear as the bike wobbled back & forth towards cars passing us on our left. After only 30 seconds into the journey we almost stacked it & I had to do a running dismount as I tried to avoid oncoming traffic. Had I of been wearing another layer of clothing I think I might be dictating this to a nurse at a Dutch hospital right now. We eventually found our rhythm though & it was plain sailing from there. A special thanks has to be given to Karina now as I enjoyed it so much & it offered me a great view of thie city, along with one of the best laughing fits I've had in a long time! So 3 cheers for Karina- Danke je well!!!!

The club was alright although the music never quite peaked & I was a little put off considering that the ratio of guys to girls was at least 3 to 1! I heard Karina chatting to a couple of guys speaking Dutch & it was a good 3 and a half minutes before I realised that they were actually Scottish & speaking English! The thing is, I think my Dutch is better than my Scottish- It's like a completely different Language, even worse than a Manchester & Irish accent put together! I still plan on going up to Ediburgh, I think I'll attach a dictionary to my hip though.

Third lesson-learn this phrase: Ich spreek Engels- This phrase was priceless especially when Karina & I went to a salsa club on Friday night & guys would come up talking at me, pressumably asking me to dance, so after my vague grin, nod & stare response I would tell them that I spoke English. I then got wizzed around the dance floor including a merengue with a man who would have been at least 70, complete with white hair and wrinkled skin- he was so cool!


My other piece of advice would be to not bother with the "I amsterdam" card. I purchased one because it was a really good deal that lasted me 72 hours & it meant entry into all the museums, free public transport, free canal cruise & discounts at places to eat etc. I should have known that the thousands of other tourists in 'dam at the time also thought the card was a great idea so everytime i went to one of the venues, the lines snaked all the way down the street! Even the resteraunts & cafes that had discounts were completely packed! I did manage to get to the Van Gough museum but the number of people far exceeded a comfortable limit which resulted in a really hot building & no chance of properly seeing his paintings & drawings on display! I did really enjoy seeing his "Pink Peach Trees" but I'm not entirely sure it was worth it....
I also went on an hour long canal cruise which was... well, it just was. I wouldn't do it again that's for sure. I lined up by myself for half an hour & then sat at a table on the boat with 5 French guys packed in next to me, planning what I was gong to eat for lunch. Needless to say it wasn't all that spectacular. Karina & I also got to the Anne Frank museum. That was worth it but we were lucky to have booked because otherwise you get stuck in massive lines again! In the end they were the only touristy things that I did.


On Saturday I explored the city on my own... with thousands of other people. The main strips were just teeming with tourists buying clogs & Ptat & giggling at signs that had the word "sex" in them whilst trying to decided on which "happy" cafe they were going to patron. I decided to avoid these crowds at all costs, instead opting to wonder through the many side streets. I particularly loved the Jordaan precinct. It's an up & coming area of 'dam that is set along a canal & is very funky, beautiful & vibrant. At one stage I lost my bareings a bit so I decided to follow a crowd for a while which lead me to the Red Light district.

In all honesty I was a bit disapointed in the whole red light scene. I was expecting something a bit more raunchy & instead it was just tired, bored looking woman wearing underwear whom, dare I say, were not at their best. Lots of them were just sitting there on a chair talking on their mobile phone!
It was so funny to see tour groups from places like China walking through with a young guide leading at the front holding a chinese flag & explaing the sights to a group of adults 50 years & over. The other interesting part was watching the stomach-pump worthy guys on bucks nights stumbling in & out of all the rooms. To be honest, I'm surprised that 'dam has such a reputation for being so garish when really the only difference is that the "adult" places to go are marked by woman in underwear, & in the city there's a an ever pervading smell of hash. There is so much more to the city than that. It was good to be with Karina so that I could go to local shops & talk to the locals etc.


I will admit though I did do something rather stupid when I was in Amsterdam. This confession will be new for Karina so I hope she enjoys it.... it also contains my last peices of advice for those going to the beautiful city....
So, I spent Sunday in Vondel Park, sun bathing (!) in beautiful weather & just enjoying it with the hundreds of other people in the park as well as with a knee-high bicycle pump. Next lesson- when you walk around the city for most of the day with a metal gray bike pump in tow, try to smile... it looks a lot less like you're carrying around the detination piece to a scheduled implosion & more like you're a twit who's trying to locate their bike on the outskirts of the city to fix it.
With the intention of soaking up every available second before I had to bored my plane at 10 am the next morning, I stayed out in the city for as long as possible before arriving back to Karnia's at 1130pm. At this point I double checked my itinery only to discover that my flight was, by actual fact, leaving at 7am! So whilst I set about carefully packing (read: haphazardly cramming) my bag, Karina kindly sussed out the best way for me to get to Schippol. She concluded I would have to be up at 5 to catch a tram then bus at 0530,all for the low low price of 2 Euro.
After all my packing it was 1230am before I got to bed so I set my alarm for 0457 (those 3 extra minutes count when you have to leg it to a tram station with 15kg on your back!). I then fell heavily into sleep as I sadly breathed a sigh at the thought that I was finally leaving 'dam. The next thing to go through my mind was how bright it was outside for 0450 in the morning as I awoke just before my alarm was due to go off. Suddenly adrenaline & panic rushed through my body as I realised what had happened... ... ... here's the last lesson... when you travel from the UK to Amsterdam & don't change the time on your phone... make sure you factor this in when you set your alarm to catch your return flight... yes, that's right, I had set my alarm for UK time which is an hour BEHIND 'dam....so it was, in fact, 0550 am & I was to be at an intenational airport, to check in, get through customs & walk the 15 minutes to my gate all within in 20 minutes!
I kindly (read: dramatically) awoke Karina who, I assume, decided dinking was not an option & called me a cab (gulp!). I simultaneously threw on some clothes, without time to even put my socks on. To give you an idea how expensive a taxi is in the 'dam, all the taxis are either mercs or bentleys & the drivers all wear suits etc, making it look like you're a consulate dignatory with a chauffer....
Needless to say, as I sit here from the comfort of my home trying to block out the picture of the receipt total from my taxi ride , I made the airport in time even with a few minutes spare to spend my last 5 Euros on my final Dutch Apple tart- "Lekker!"

My sincere thanks go out to Karina for being my host. If any of you are ever in the area, I'm pretty sure she's available for dinking you around the city after 3pm on Wednesdays & all day Fridays- Hightly recommended;o).

Thanks for all your emails & responses to my blogs- I love it :o)

Doeg!

Love to all.

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