Fallen Peacekeeper...


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Europe » Kosovo » East
February 13th 2010
Published: February 13th 2010
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The breeze was slight, just enough to gently push old glory away from the
pole, and quietly the flag whispered a prayer to me as it hung proudly at
half mast, one that I could barely hear. The closer I listened, the harder I
looked. I looked for a truth, a reason, a closing, and then I saw the snow
capped mountain top glistening through the clouds, the rays peaking down from
the heavens, providing a breathe taking view of freedom. There I was,
fighting the emotions from the sheer beauty of sunbeams and the poignant
reality of being a soldier so far away from home.

A timeless day and night spent mourning by many soldiers, and for others,
simply providing support to the awesome responsibility of caring for a Fallen
Soldier. As I entered my work area I could see it in their faces, etched
deeply into the tearful eyes, the quiver of lips and swallowing of personal
emotions, and the silence. The silence. The silence of memories..from so
long ago..from the days of the scorching desert sun beating down on us.
Memories of a war so long ago that was fought by the soldiers whom surround
me every day. My friends that I so often write about, my friends who..well,
who have lost comrades before. It wasn't making the duties any easier
because the circumstances were not combat related. We could look and
communicate without ever speaking a word. I could feel the difficulty of
their managed stress as the imposed responsibilities deemed that there would
be no do-overs. One chance to find the military flight that will be perfect
for carrying our friend.
One chance to ensure that our comrade was safe and prepared for his journey.
One chance to make everything just right.

There is a rationalization somewhere inside that keeps you going. There are
soldiers who will reach out to ensure you are held up when your knees get
weak and one starts to fall. There are soldiers who are inspirations in
times of need. There is the falling of the tears that someone will always be
there to help you wipe away. These are the special attributes that draw us
all close together in time of adversity.

We all struggle with the realization that we cannot control all
circumstances, we struggle with the memories of those we have lost in the
past and we struggle with the change in our environment. If only our souls
could find the reasons why these things happen and when we are so far away,
so cut off from our worlds of safety and at times like this vulnerable to the
unspoken.

I was humbled by the care taken by my fellow soldiers to preserve the exact
order of events. The empowerment of leaders given to the logistics and
administrative staffs to do what was necessary, and the encouragement to keep
going when there was still more to accomplish to finish all the arrangements.
The planning for the movement home, the hallowed ramp ceremony at the
airfield and the reception in Germany was all complete. It was time for our
final salute of respect.


Our fallen friend would have been proud to witness the endless line of
soldiers who stood on both sides of the road, creating an encasement of the
route for as far as the eye could see. Slowly the procession drove through,
helicopters flying in the distance creating a surreal sound bringing a
reality to the senses of many. My breathe was taken away as if someone was
squeezing on my heart until it gasped for air to begin beating again, as I
was witness to hundreds of soldiers standing at attention with salutes of
honor being giving from their hearts. Struggling for personal focus, I could
see many of my soldiers from a previous war standing across and around me.
The distance in their eyes were of memories from a time long ago, and yet
here we were, years later standing with the same sense of pride in Kosovo
saying final farewells to a different soldier, with the same feelings of loss
and the same sustained honor of serving our country.

The silence on the outside was deafening as my heart and my head struggled to
maintain a place in the now. I thought about his family back home whose life
will never be the same. I hoped for closure for the medical staff who so
assiduously gave everything for a fellow soldier. I wanted to reach out and
shelter the soldiers I work with and protect them from their far ago
hauntings. Mostly I struggled with my tears from the losses of the past that
were so tangled and woven with the loss of today.

A part of our KFOR family forever. You will not be forgotten as a North
Dakotan. You will not be forgotten as a father, husband and son. You will
not be forgotten as a Soldier. We promise...We will not forget.

Blessed be our Fallen Peacekeeper...





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