Honesty Ain't Always Pretty

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I am almost afraid to begin this one, because I am worried what my mind will put down in writing haha. Honestly is the best policy, or so I have been told many a time. But to be "honest" I don't know if that is always the case. You see, and now here it is.. part of the reason I haven't written a whole lot since I have been here is that I am struggling to come up with positive and exciting things to tell you all! (I can almost hear your shock all the way from here :P). But this is the truth. Sometimes we get an idea in our head of what we think life will be like on the other side of the globe, or what we aspire for ourselves in an upcoming adventure. It happens even in daily life, when you daydream and fantisize about an upcoming date, or a perfect example: New Years EVE! There are times when we build something up so great, that the reality of it isn't always quite what we expected.
I do not mean for any of this to come across as negative, I want to clarify that right now. I am just trying for once to be totally straight-forward and tell it like it is. A beautiful woman in my life, Miss Sarah Bahris, was an absolute expert at this. Often without even considering the consequences or actions for her words, she would give people the exact honest opinion she held, whether brutal or not. There were times when this greatly angered me (for those that knew her as well, you know exactly what I mean haha). But right at this very moment there is nothing I wish more than to channel her amazing spirit for truth & brutal honesty.
I know what you are all thinking, how in the world could life in Italy possibly be worse than the mundane life we all lead back home in Canada? The day-to-day repatition can becom so monotonous that often a week will pass and we are left thinking.. where has the time gone?! And to this, I completely agree. That isn't what I am struggling with now. What I have come to realize in only a month's time here, is that sometimes we really cannot run from our own problems, no matter where we go or how hard we try. And that in itself is a blessing I guess. For I truly thought that the minute I stepped off the plane and arrived here, I would leave all my anxieties and stress in the dust. I know, crazy right? But you can't blame a girl for dreaming hah. The reality is a little more.. real. Sometimes the things we stuggle with in our lives are there for a reason. Because we have to push THROUGH them, not get over them.
I know I am only 22, and believe me I have had many people laugh at me when I tell them I feel like an old lady, but deep down I truly do. Life has dealt all of us plenty of crap, some more than others. And to be honest, I am very blessed and fortunate to lead the life I do. I am no denying that. I am just admitting that at times I really struggle with staying positive and upbeat. It's something I am certainly not proud of, and it's something I have been working on for many months now. For most people that know me only as an acquaintance, this may come as a bit of a shock. For those that know me personally, you are probably laughing out loud right now to actually see me express this in writing.
The reality is, we are all human. None of us are perfect. We go through ups & downs, and sometimes we get a little farther down in to the hole than we'd like to. For me my biggest problem stems from the fact I simply think too much. I stress about everything. I am a worry wart (however, I blame that trait entirely on my loving Mother hahaha). So the solution? Perhaps I should stop thinking SO much, and start remembering to live a little more. Not every day isn't going to be a perfect day. That is life. We can't run from that fact or hide from that fact. What we need to do is simply embrace the days that are amazing. For every hard day, there is bound to be a great one. Life is all about balance. And I also firmly believe that we are only dealt as much as we can truly handle. Sometimes I waver in that belief, especially when life hands you a giant shocker, like the passing of a loved one, or the loss of a job. But it's these moments that should teach us to truly appreciate what we do have, not dwell on the fact that something terrible has happened.
Life truly is short. It is. So why should we bother wasting anymore time dwelling on these negatives than what they have already taken from us? I'm not a scholar, I'm not that wise, and believe me.. I don't know everything about everything. But it seems to be maybe this way of thinking might just work? My (aforementioned) Mother gave me a pretty awesome book to read before I left. "Seriously.. I'm Kidding" By Ellen DeGeneres. Again I had put it aside and left it on the shelf, not convinced that in my negative head space anything light-hearted would be appreciated. Then I found myself quite sick this week, with doctor's orders for bed rest. Bed rest in Venice? What could be worse I thought.. wasting my time in this amazing city stuck in bed. But I realized something else, everything happens for a reason. And with all this damn time on my hands I have gotten quite bored. And even more bored feeling bummed out and homesick haha. So I picked up Ellen's book. And only 10 chapters in I truly found myself laughing out loud at the simplicity of her writing and wisdom. She tells it like it is. And you know what, I really enjoy that! Which is what inspired me to write this blog as well. It may be Friday night in Italy and I should be out enjoying some delicious vino and the Italian people, but my body has decided otherwise. So instead here I am opening up to all of you. Hoping that maybe my little tidbit of honesty will help you get through your day, if it also happens to be not such a good one. Just remember, no matter how down you are feeling about your own situation, there is someone else out there who feels just the same. We are never truly alone. And when you think that, also remember that there are about 1 million other people who have it ALOT worse. Plus, this too shall pass. Some how, some way.. it always does. And with this, I hope you now all have a small smile on your face. And I leave you with a few last honest words (in honor of her birthday tomorrow) from one of the most inspirational people out there, Miss Ellen DeGeneres:
"The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Is everthing you have got stripped away - your home, your job, your family, your things, your favorite T-shirt with all the holes in it that you won't throw away even though it reveals a large part of your stomach region - if you lost all of those things and you had to live in a cave all alone with absolutely nothing, you should still be happy. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mind-set so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.. happiness is a journey, not a destination."
And with that, I send you all my love and hope you will send yours back my way 😊 this was hard for me to write, so please don't judge my honesty. I hope instead you will appreciate it and understand why I have decided to express it to you. So that perhaps, just maybe, it will help you in your own moment of feeling "lost".

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