"Your castle, my lady..."

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Oh the rollercoast of emotions that I have had the last little while.

After I posted last, I set out on my own to see some of the Dublin sites (St. Patricks cathedral and others), I had about an hour left of sunlight and was coming off of a social-interaction-high from the previous night (having real people to talk to and hang out with) so starting out by myself again was a little depressing. The guys asked me to go out with them again that night but we didn't really have any way of communicating because my phone doesn't work here, so I was pretty sure it wouldn't actually happen. So-on my own again. It's interesting how I hadn't really felt lonely this whole trip until I had a taste of friends again. I began the 30 minute walk across town in a cute new outfit and this rush of emotion came over me. Exhaustion from not sleeping the previous night and from a day of kayaking, anxiety over turning 24, loneliness, missing my family/friends... it was all I could do to not sit on the sidewalk and cry for a minute. This was all compounded by feelings of guilt over the selfishness of even being capable of sadness on a trip like this-- I must be super ungrateful to be in Ireland, on the vacation of a lifetime, and near tears. I walked around the medieval part of Dublin for a while and then wandered over to Temple Bar (which is actually a whole area, not just one pub), secretly hoping that I might run into my friends. Desperate and ridiculous, I know. I feel a little embarassed even writing this post. As expected, I did not see them in the crowds and crowds of people there on a Saturday night, so I thought that I would get some food. I realized that I hadn't eaten anything all day, and figured that was also contributory to my emotional state. I found a nice looking authentic Irish place and went inside. The hurried hostess made some comment about how annoying it was seating one person on a busy Saturday night as she walked me to my table, so I walked right back out and she rolled her eyes at me. Now I was sad and angry and hungry... not a good combo. I found an Italian place that looked slower/friendlier and ate my weight in pasta which improved my mood a bit. I decided to walk back to my hostel and hang out there. I made a couple wrong turns, apparently, because I ended up more lost than I have been this whole trip. Like scary, worried-for-your-life, it's-the-end-of-the-world type lost. Eventually I found someone that looked half-way trustworthy and asked them which was the Liffy was (the river that runs down the center of Dublin), and it was the exact oposite way that I had been walking for about 15 minutes. No idea how I got THAT turned around. I pretty much speed walked to the river and then eventually found my way to the hostel. The girls in my room are a group of friends from Wales on a girls' weekend, and they usually go out early and stay out till all hours, so I didn't think they would be there. I needed to let a few tears out and maybe watch some Vampire Diaries. They were there, though, and it turned out to be a very good thing because they listened to some of my frustrations and passed around some chocolate fingers. We chatted and hung out for a few hours while they were waiting to go to some club called Copper (I think?) which didn't open until 11pm or so. Naturally, they had to liquor up before they left, though, so they each put back a couple bottles of strong looking drinks and handed me a liter of some off-brand cola so I wouldn't feel left out. Maroon 5's new album was played on repeat and on full blast until my room turned into a bit of a sloppy dance party. I helped one of them write the address of our hostel on her arm so that they could find their way back when completely drunk, and told them to be good and not talk to strangers while they were out. Such a good mother hen.

Went to bed, woke up early to get my stuff packed to check out, and ran into my guy friends. I was heading to the zoo and they didn't really seem like the zoo-going type so I said goodbye and again headed out on my own. The zoo was a little chilly and I kept having to climb over gaggles of little school children on field trips, but still fun. They keep it really nice and have some cool exhibits. The best part was this baby gorilla that was swinging like crazy around her enclosure and interacting with the little kids at the window. She was so cute!! I wanted to put her in my backpack and take her home with me!

It was still only mid-day and I felt like I had already seen everything I had wanted to in the city, so I headed back to my hostel to pick up my luggage and venture on to my next accomidations which, BTW, happend to be a castle. A real live castle. I am SLEEPING IN A CASTLE TONIGHT! It is gorgeous!! I feel way underdressed and super out of place, but I don't even care. The bus driver, bless his heart, went out of his way to drop me off a little closer to the hotel and announced, "Your castle, my lady..." as he pulled up. I could have kissed him. (Don't worry mom, I didn't actually kiss this one.) So, tonight I am "Miss Hale" and people drop off bath robes to my room and sprinkle my bath tub with rose petals while I eat specialty Butlers chocolates that were left on my bed. I could get used to this. And you know what? I am actually really glad that I am by myself tonight because I can eat every single one of these chocolates. So take that, Loneliness. There is no room for you here in my king size bed.

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Comments

[Leslie Hixson]

hard moments
You sounded very vulnerable and exposed in this report. It is good to get beyond those hard times. Still love reading; you are kind to share. Question...have you not made any time for your spiritual discovery by attending a ward or branch of the church over there? Hope you will fit it in your trip. Enjoy the royal treatment while at the castle as you are a daughter of God and deserve it; His is the best castle of all!