Unbelieveable UK and Incredible Ireland

Arriving in London with a 64-hour stomach cramp didn’t help matters but I was determined to have a good night since we only had 12 hours to enjoy the London Life. Breezing through Heathrow with only one heated public fight, we struggled onto the tube and it was then that I got the “holy shit I’m back in the UK” shivers. With a big smile our faces we got a swisho black cab to Robyn’s house and did the whole “aaaaagh SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, OHMYGOD I HAVE ELBOWS!!!!!” scream and then moved on into super-freshen up mode and straight back out to meet some of Mik’s friends at the Punch and Judy in Convent Garden.

After some rather polite catch up sessions we moved onto a really dodgy American-diner style bar with terrible music, sleazy guys and strobe lights. All was made well though when Mik’s friend Greg started rolling out the bottles of Moet like it was Spumante (not that there’s anything wrong with Spumante - got me through some very adolescent times that did, anyway moving on). We partied on there like it was 1999 and a very nice Melbourne boy seemed determined to keep Rob and I hyped up on Red Bull since he knew we had to make it to Ireland later that night. At about 3am we jumped into a cab and the plan actually worked - dropped Rob off, picked up bags, got to bus station and caught the bus to Stansted. Mik and I were fairly jovial so we spent the whole bus trip listening to my iPOD and mouthing the words to Glen’s SuperHappyFunMixUp song thinking we were hilarious while everyone else either slept or greased us off. Silly people - it was only 4am!

Very happy with ourselves we lugged our crap to the Ryanair desk and were only slightly perturbed when Ryanair proceeded to tell us our luggage was 5 kilos over their limit and we would have to pay 60 pounds each! HA! I don’t think so Mr. Gotta-pay-for-your-own-seatbelts-so-we-can-actually-make-some-money-cos-your-flight-was-$10-including-taxes! We were a little drunk at this stage and decided the best plan of action was humiliation - for them, not us. Like 6 yr olds we said “fine!”, opened our bags and started to get dressed in every item of clothing we could possibly fit on our bodies - I had jeans, trackie dacks, 2 skirts, a dress, 3 jackets, 2 scarves, a beanie and a jumper tied around each ankle - Mik was similar. At 17kilos they were so embarrassed they quickly checked our baggage in and sent us as massive fashionista marshmallows on our way. In the line to get through security we became somewhat of a freak show and were made to pose with various family units as they took their last “hilarious” holiday shots before heading home. The security man realised his mistake and started to laugh as he said “could you please remove your jacket…oh um….yeah you’re gonna have to take all that off” I was burning up so was happy to oblige and once through the beepers, grabbed a massive plastic bag from a nearby shop and smiled insolently as we boarded the flight with several overflowing pieces of hand luggage -HA take that Ryanair!

So picture this - 6am in the morning, alcohol starting to wear thin - and who do we happen to sit next to but an alcoholic Scotsman who is only too willing to join in with us with a filthy Ryanair vodka which comes in little plastic zip lock bags. Before we knew it we had arrived in Cork and as Mik went to draw some money I stepped outside the airport, put The Furies on my iPOD and took in a deep breath feeling like an explorer who lands somewhere that feels more like home than home.

We grab a cab and the poor Irish cab driver had to put up with our over-excitedness “umm….I’ve never been to Cork before!” silence….”yeah…umm….I’m moving here for a YEAR!” silence “so anyway, ummm…. Where’s good to go out?”

On arrival at our hostel the door was locked and remembering that check-in was at 10am we had 2 hours to kill, we literally skipped off over the bridge and asked the first Irish person we saw where we could get a beer at this time of morn. He dropped his wheelbarrow and walked us to the corner excitedly saying that we could go to the pub over there but it doesn’t take kindly to women in the mornin’ so we’re better off heading to Charlies. As Charlie’s was closed we slipped into the bar next-door and proudly ordered a Guinness. Aah creamy goodness. We met an ol’ Irish man who stuck around till another Ol’ Irish man turned up, at which point our man said “oh no, he’s a fucken eejit always goin on about how he’s in filums” and walked off. Sure enough the other ol’ man came up and started telling us about all the films he’d been in - classic! That’s when Mik fell asleep and I decided it was time to go to bed.

We slept all day and woke to call Tosh and head out for his birthday. We met his girlfriend Jo and promptly jumped in a car with 2 other Aussie girls and another Irish girl to head to Mallow which is about 30 mins out of Cork. It was a great night out as Tosh was playing in the band and the girls we came with were hilarious! On the way home I was given the car-MP3 player and asked if I wanted to pick a tune. I quietly remarked that I’d love to put on Perfect Circle but would probably be the only one who would enjoy it. Aghast the girls said “hell no! put it on”. I was in heaven when Mahala then grabbed the player and said “I can do you one better” and proceeded to put on TOOL - it was then I realised I was going to be great friends with these girls.

On arrival back at Tosh’s house the festivities began with dancing, shakey faces, and the music. I observed the best drinking game EVER after I had dozed off and awoke on the couch to witness Tosh precariously perched above a beer attempting to clap his hands in front of him without crushing the beer can below - DO TRY THIS AT HOME!!!

And that was only our 1st 24 hours! The following days followed suit with us getting to know all the local pubs (of which there are 111 to be exact), and late bars. In one such late bar I was introduced to the younger facets of Irish society when I was taken by Danny and Tidgh (pronounced Tie) to the Bodega where I witnessed a girl literally pass out cold in the smoking room and hit the deck with a thud, and when I had to dodge massive splotches of blood in the girls bathroom from some poor open-toe shoed girls glass-massacred foot.

Other fragments of memory include ballroom dancing at the Slate on a Sunday, bush-dancing for hours back at Tosh and Jo’s and being brought to tears at a Clonakilty trad music session when the locals started singing acappella and everyone joined in for the chorus - magic!

So thanks to Mikaela’s full-steam ahead attitude I managed to score a job in under two weeks and a place to live only a day later. The job suits me well as I simply listen to my music and put dots on people’s 3D computer image faces and the house is unreal - lovely housemates, great location, warm and cosy and simply perfect. I can walk to work and work off all the stout I’m drinking in the meantime - luckily otherwise you really would be calling me Alextralarge when I returned!

The people of Cork are lovely also however have a tendency to apologise for everything. I was opening up a bank account the other day and the man said “sorry” no less than 20 times in the 20 minutes it took to open the account - “sorry to ask but what’s your birthdate, if you don’t mind”, “sorry how did you spell your home town again?” “sorry this is taking so long” etc etc - just crazy! They also apologise when they bump into you, when you bump into them and when you run over their first-born.

On walking to work yesterday I was also amused when I saw a flock (unsure of proper collective noun) of old Irish men standing in a semi-circle at 8am around a green post-box. They were chatting away like it was the most normal thing in the world to be congregating around an inanimate object and I looked at the post box curiously as I walked past wondering if it was one where stuff came out of rather than one where people put stuff (i.e. mail) into. It was at that point when I also noticed that the last four people to walk past had green jackets on, four house doors in sight were green and the sky had a greenish tint to it - ok maybe that last one is going a bit far.

My mate Eoin also has an uncanny ability to pick up anomalies in the general public announcing when we were in the car the other day and saw a black man with a basketball storming down Patrick St - “Oh now that’s not a stereotype at all!” We also witnessed a drunken man being pulled mercilessly along by his dog with Eoin remarking, “Gee, now I wonder who’s walking who?”

So all in all, I’m absolutely LOVING it here. If I could break into song over the email I would be spinning in a field of sunflowers in a flowing white dress with a look of sheer ecstasy on my face while my dress was pillaged and ruined by all the thick yellow pollen but I wouldn’t care because I would be so happy! And it’s not that I don’t miss home - I do. I miss all my precious friends a lot but this is my Irish year and I’m appreciating it to it’s fullest potential.

A BIG thank you to Stef and Bryan for introducing us to their wonderful friends and family here in Cork and Freemount. And a massive thanks to my sis Kate for naming her new Bass Alexis so I never miss a gig - THANK YOU!!!

Oh and P.S - Tosh and I made it into the local paper - see last photo. Tosh’s answers are hilarious!

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