Can you Supersize that?
Gib and Kellie rehearse ordering dinner from a value menu.
Ever had one of those days when accomplishing even the smallest of tasks feels like trying to write Mandarin Chinese upside down while riding a drunk elephant? Yeah me neither but let’s just say today approached that level of frustration.
We left our village of Imerovigli for the bright lights of Fira, the biggest little (only) town in Santorini. Fira offers lots of tourists, few cabs, street hawkers moving people into restaurants (even in Greece there’s slimy recruiters) and gift shops that make you scratch your head (do you really want to ship fresh wool pelts and feta balls back to the states?). The place is pretty much what I expected of a resort town dedicated to making middle-aged couples overpay for trinkets they’ll throw in the junk drawer as soon as they get back to the suburbs.
One thing I didn’t expect though was that trying to get 12 20/30 somethings to meet at the only bus station in town at a specified time would be harder than getting a pack of 3 legged cats to walk in a straight line. We missed several departing buses to the gold beach, the black beach, the Akrotiri, heck we even
Gib devours the appetizer plate at his last supper, I mean rehearsal dinner.
missed the donkey train to the Flea Market. Talk about feeling like a hooker with gonorrhea, the taxi drivers wouldn’t even pick us up. Even when I tried to pull a “Boston Rob”(from The Amazing Race and Survivor) and bribe a taxi to take our group ahead of the queue, the cabbie acted as if the gonorrhea had spread to my mouth.
Hot, frustrated and beset with a serious case of sightseeing blue balls, we puttered around Fira for a bit and headed back to Imerovigli to get ready for the penultimate wedding event. The good news was we never had to rehearse having dinner (cause that would have been silly). We parked our table of 25 (friends, parents, siblings, handlers, Sung’s Cape Guy) at this awesome outdoor restaurant, overlooking the Caldera and run by a swell guy named Christos Christopholies.
The food was Greek, the wine was fleeting and the company was loads of laughs as well. I couldn’t tell if Gibby was shaking due to the Dayquil/red wine speedball he had or because the gravitas of the situation had finally hit him. I even spotted him weeping openly into his soggy Saganaki
(ok, no he didn’t
It really was a special night for all of us.
but I wanted you to share the mental picture with me)
After dinner the 8 parents (long story and I don’t have PowerPoint access to show you who dotted lines to each of the betrothed) the “kids”(my girlfriend is chuckling right now) all migrated to “The Club”. You could have added a lot of adjectives in there like: Empty, Quiet, Happy to See Us, Hey Christos we can finally pay the electricity bill, etc… enter your favorite as you see fit. Suffice it to say, there were more tables than patrons so we easily took over the joint.
The rounds of shots (we never figured out what they were) kept coming one after the other in little red waves. Stalin would have been proud. Needless to say after 5 or 19 of these shots the group was getting pretty rowdy. We all sensed this was the last dance for Gib and Kellie as single humans and we were determined to send them out in style. Rather than a blow by blow account of the evening let’s just say the following things MAY have happened. Make up your own mind:
A) Girl on Girl action (multiple instances)
B) Sung getting a boob sandwich from Jen and Erica S
C) Gib getting a lap dance from a wolfman
D) Gib getting a lap dance from his future wife
E) Kellie doing a “Flashdance” chair dance
F) Jason offering himself to Erica L and Julie for 7 and 4 euros respectfully
G) Faux hate crime photo opps
I) Jason getting pantsed by the nefarious Erica S and Jen
K) Erica S getting snogged by Christos Christopholies
J) Matt was designated driver Stat of the Day
Sung turned 7 shades of red during a special performance of “The Dance of the 4 Sweater Kittens”
Next up: The Big Wedding Day!!!
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