PARIS!!! part 1 of 3.

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We departed Asnieres in bright and beautiful morning sunshine and began trundling our way along toward Paris. I was far too excited to just relax or read and sat up looking around the whole time like an excited pup! At first I was disappointed by the grey urbanised and industrial views lining both banks of the Seine, but these soon gave way to more interesting sights, in particular odd little caravans mounted on floating platforms (now there’s a proper sea gypsy for you!) and shanty towns built into the foundations of the road bridges that ran alongside - seriously, each square cubicle beneath the bridges was filled with cupboards, beds, clothing plants and sofa’s - some didn’t look too bad! I f you’re going to be homeless you might as well make your place look nice - riverside views too, now that would cost a fortune in the real estate world!
Before long the clouds drew in and it started to drizzle. This coincided however with the grand looking bridges coming into view - we passed under one with statues and ornate carvings then spotted the sure signs that we were properly in Paris - the Eiffel tower to our starboard side and the statue of liberty to our port side. I was so excited, I raced around with my camera getting shots of both (I took loads - I’ve spared you the boredom of sifting through and picked just a few of our favourites to publish here). We passed under Pont Alexandre II with stunning golden horses and Grand Palais at its flanks then realised we were level with the Place de la Concorde and couldn’t be far from our mooring alongside Adrien and Bendicte’s barge. Then we saw her, big blue beautiful and moored to the port side between Place de la Concorde and la Louvre, with Pont Alexandre II stretching out behind. What an amazing spot! We tied up, chatted with Adrien for a while then went off to visit the Louvre. We passed through the gorgeous Jardins Tuileries and toward the magnificent triumphal arch and famous glass pyramid marking the entrance to the colossal Louvre. Before we got to the arch though the heavens opened and it chucked it down - luckily I had an umbrella! We hurried inside (no queues - bonus!) and went down below the pyramid to get our tickets and begin our exploration. As an avid Dan Brown fan I was buzzing...this was where Langdon had started and ended his adventure in Da Vinci Code! Tickets purchased we hurried past the queues at the information desk and set about exploring. We went first through the Greek and Roman galleries where we saw multitudes of marble statues - my favourites being one of cupid struggling to try on Venus’ helmet and another of 4 giants all looking down in dismay at their genitalia which had been replaced by various things from coils, to fig leaves to pretty little twists - they seemed to be wondering where on earth their manhood had gone! I also liked one of 3 relaxed and happy women smiling as they casually draped arms around one another - it reminded me of the girls back home (apart from the fact that they were, as seems obligatory in Greek and Roman art, naked). Mike was drawn to one of Jason slaying the hydra and was impressed that I identified the mythological story it depicted before we read the sign - thanks go to Pete Popert and A level Performing Arts with its huge module in Greek theatre for that bit of geekiness!
We next managed, after several attempts, to locate the ancient moat in the base of the Louvre from the days when it had been a fortress and not a museum. It was cool and still in there and awesome to think that it had played a major role all those hundreds of years ago in times of huge unrest and war. After trying to find the Mona Lisa for ages (one of the queues we’d passed was for the information desk who were handing out maps - we didn’t have one) and managing to see the French, Spanish, British (can’t see what’s so good about Turner to be fair - the painting was just smudges and very bleak in my opinion) Italian and Greek painting galleries we came to a room crowded with people. At the far end was a huge fresco dominating the wall which showed a fete in progress. It was lively and full of colour and character - but that wasn’t what the huge crowds were there for. They were all gathered around a small glass box on the opposite wall, within which resided the wryly smiling, slightly smug looking, Mona Lisa. I stood on tiptoe, pointed my camera and took a shot. I had to look at the shot to actually see the painting as we could get nowhere near it. It’s a good painting but I really can’t see the attraction and why it is viewed as so much better than the thousands of others in there. Call me a philistine, but I much preferred the African, Incan and Peruvian mystic carvings downstairs and my favourite painting was a double sided representation of David fighting Goliath in which the blue of David cloak was azure and brilliant and the detail in the painting was beautiful. We also saw the Venus de Milo, which is a lovely sculpture, even without her arms, but, again, I couldn’t really see why it was revered more than the others in there - it wasn’t a patch on the comedy of the giants or the little cupid half hidden under a helmet. After stumbling across the Greek gallery for the third time we decided to head out of Denon and get a map. The Louvre is massive with winding staircases everywhere - you need a degree just to navigate your way around, let alone recognise and appreciate all of the works of art within its walls. We got hold of a map and went to get a ridiculously overpriced water and muffin each from the snack stand. We ended up paying even more because the guy had not charged us the combi rate as advertised and when I pulled him up on it as he was handing Mike some change, he re-calculated and insisted we still owed money. We held our ground for a while, explaining that he had only given us a portion of our original change and so he owed us, but he was asking for more money. In the end he refused to accept he was wrong so we just gave him an extra Euro and left. As we passed by after ticking off on our map what we had seen so far (I am a geek) we were not surprised to see him arguing with another customer. Apparently he wasn’t amazing at his job and had been off ill when they’d taught that the customer is always right.
After a few more hours spent walking the various galleries and looking at the Art, we started to be herded from one room to another. We went to see the Etruscan work and found the doors being bolted. We were told the museum was closing so we had to leave the Asia room (but not before we’d taken hilarious shots of ourselves becoming the missing heads on a couple of the statues) adn we hurried into the next gallery, determined to get our money’s worth. In here we saw another brilliant character statue of Bacchus just chilled in the leaves, legs open, junk hanging out and beatific smile on his face. I loved it and it reminded me of Family Guy where Stewie strikes a similar pose and says ‘Yeah, this is my junk, what of it? I’m just chillin with my pubes, me and my pubes, just hangin’” (4 years at University and this is my level of intelligence, it worries even me.) However, I couldn’t get a photo as we were herded out of that room too and the dopors bolted behind us. Undeterred we turned right when everyone else headed left and had a quick look around the next gallery before they herded us out of there. On leaving we ran upstairs to look at the other stuff we’d missed but were just in time to see more doors being bolted. Finally we admitted defeat and left the Louvre into a sunny early evening.
As we walked down the Jardins Tuilereies I saw another brilliantly funny statue. ‘He looks gutted, he’s lost his clothes’ I said to Mike. He clearly thought I’d seen a nudist. ‘What? Where?’ He asked, slightly suspicious, ‘Him. That big white stone dude, look at him,’ I replied, ‘He reminds me of you but worse, he doesn’t just lose his shoes on a night out, he loses his whole wardrobe.’ Mike found this funny and I had to get a couple shots of our devastated statue buddy.
After red wine in the jardins we made our way back to the boat to freshen up and chill for a bit before heading back out to dinner. As I climbed aboard, the boat started to jerk and buck violently, ropes creaking and clanging as we bounced on the waves. ‘What was that?’ I asked Mike. ‘Bat - oh - moosh,’ came his reply. We had been warned about these ‘Bateaux Mouche’; tourist ferries that ran along the Seine in central Paris constantly from 10am til midnight. We’d been told they go right at the speed limit, kick up quite a wake and aren’t really bothered about throwing pleasure cruisers around. As I was in the shower the boat started dancing again. ‘Bateau mouche?’ I called out. ‘Yep,’ came Mike’s reply ‘ Bloody bat-oh-mooshes’. I couldn’t help but laugh. A very Devonshire ‘ Bat-oh-moosh’ became our call to one another every time we saw one coming or felt the bob of the boat over the next few days. At night they were even worse, beaming dazzling floodlights from their sides which illuminated our cabin and cosy sleeping area and caused temporary blindness.
After witnessing a truly beautiful Sunset over Pont Alexandre II (pictures below again!) we headed out. We chatted for even longer to Adrien and Benedicte who recommended several places to go in Paris past the Musee d’Orsay. There was a street in St Germain lined with bars, known by the locals as ‘Rue De Soif’ or ‘thirsty street’. Adrien said it was where he and his rugby went out and that there was always a happy hour somewhere there. We headed off for the at least 20 minute walk. However, by this time it was 9 o’clock (we’d been chatting for almost an hour) and we were both really hungry! After 20 minutes and no sign of the street lined with bars, we found a lovely bistro on the very edge of St Germain and settled to delicious salmon pasta and white wine. By the time we’d eaten and drunk our wine we decided to head back in the general direction of the boat - finding a local bar on the way and sharing another pichet of white before finishing our walk home under the lights and surprising quiet of Paris at midnight. We came to discover that ‘Monumental Paris’ in the centre around Place De La Concorde, La Louvre, Les Invalides, Grand Palais etc, is unique as the heart of a big city as everything seems to close between midnight and 1 - for a big night out, you need to head to Pigalle, Republique or Bastille - where we would spend the latter part of our Parisien adventure.

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