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RED HOT PARIS ROMANCE

Jessica and Amelie take Paris By Storm

On Tuesday June 16th, Amelie and Jess, known as 'Amjess' by the press, rolled into Paris for a week-long whirlwind romance. It seems that the couple have reconciled following their reported fall-out when Amelie reportedly announced to Jess that she had the swine flu when they were in Valencia on Monday. "Jess went online to Perez Hilton on Sunday night and read about how swine flu had been declared a pandemic. SHe noticed that Amelie had exhibited all the symptoms over the past two weeks. The next morning, she joked about it to Amelie over their breakfast of Special K and... she freaked" an unidentified hostel worker explained. "After that, Amelie was in a bad mood. Jess knew the only thing to do... was to take her to see fat seals at the world-renouned Valencia aquarium."
The happy couple were spotted taking in the sights at the aquarium, getting terribly lost on the way back to the hostel and getting chastised by a security guard, and finally making it back to to the hostel to collect their luggage. "They were laughing and joking the whole way. They kept on commenting on how Spanish people don't seem to work... they are jogging in the beautiful parks of Valencia at all hours." Amelie was overheard saying "How is this possible Jess? They are running at 10AM! There is no rush hour until 9! What, do they get in at 9, work for an hour, go for a run, siesta from 12-4, then run again from 4-5, then work from 5-6? I don't get it!"
The couple then boarded a train to Barcelona, where they spent the first week of their European adventure. The two were photographed buying dinner in the ultra-trendy Born neighborhood by the Frances train station. Celebrity trainer Hans Gunner, who does not work with the girls, commented "From what I have heard, I can't approve of their lifestyle. That French girl eats so many waffles, but the Calgarian, she is probably a lot worse with all those chocolates and paellas. That said, they did carry those 60 punds backpacks all day through the 35 degree Barcelona heat... that type of thing is great for the glutes. As long as they keep that up, they may be able to prevent a triple bypass 60 years down the road."
After the romantic pizza dinner, the girls boarded a train for Paris. They shared the compartment with a French girl, who was reached for comment but the translator did not finish the interview for press time. There was also a Chinese girl in the compartment, but she ran out of the train so quickly that the paparazzo completely missed her. She was however later reached for comment "That Calgarian girl... has the worst Chinese I have ever heard! Boo ya show wa war in she nedarin!"
After storing their luggage at the station, the two went off to see the Louvre (which was closed, and an assistant subsequently fired), Musee d'Orsay, les Invalides, Place de la Concorde, Champs Elysees, the Pont Alexandre III, and the Grand et Petit Palais. Finally the two stolled down the Champs Elysees towards the Arc de Triomphe and caught the metro home. The two were spotted by a French woman who lent them her cell phone so they could contact their host, Max the Canadian Foreign Service Agent, who graciously let them into the apartment and taught them to unlock the door properly.
Later that evening Amjess was spotted with the serviceman enjoying a delightful Chinese lunch on Rue du Clerc. "Amelie barely touched her food. She looked so in the moment. It must be the waffles." Says an anonymous onlooker.


The next day Amjess caused a scene when they arrived at a bakery across the street from their accomodation. "They ordered TWO pain de chocolat. Jess looked like she wanted to eat it right there in the bakery... but she restrained herself so that she wouldn't embarass Amelie in front of the locals." The two then ducked into a pharmacy (See sidebar: Amelie still thinks she has swine flu, Jess laughs on") and then made their way to the embassy of Bangladesh to try and sort out Jess' visa situation. "The Bangladesh Embassy does NOT process applications without hotel confirmation. We make no exceptions, not even for Amjess" was the only statement released by the Embassy following the visit. "Jess was fuming as the two left, and Amelie kept on insisting they go back to plead their case again. The two didn't talk much until they got to Rue Ravioli, where they bought sandwiches and Jess cheered up when she saw Amelie get excited over nutella panninis. Jess can never stay mad when she sees Amelie get excited about food," a source close to Amjess claims.

Notre Dame was the next stop for the glowing couple. "Jess was really into it, but Amelie has been before, so she mostly waiting in the pews as Jess explored. Jess studied quite a bit of French history so she was really excited to see the place where Napoleon crowned himself was." claims a ticket taker named Vic Torhue Ghuo. "They were really attentive during the tour, even though it was really hot and not particularly religious."

After Notre Dame came the lesser known Sainte-Chapelle, which is known for its beautiful stained glass interior. "The two explored a lot and took some pictures," says the head priest. "They stayed for about an hour".

The highlight of the day for Amjess was the trip to the Tour Eiffel. The girls, who are on a budget, opted to take the stairs. After a half hour wait and a discussion with an American in line who pulled the 'OMG you are from Calgary? Do you know Kristen Smith from Calgary?' line, they were on their way up. "It was clear the that drinking has taken a toll on them both", an Eiffel Tower spokesperson said, "by the time they got to the second level to watch the sunrise, we could heard Amelie muttering about her inhaler and we could see the sweat pouring down Jess' face." The two took a lot of pictures of the sunset, and of Paris and eachother. "You could tell it was a real bonding experience for the two of them," says an onlooker "they leaned on the rail, side by side, watching the sun go down." The two also did a double take at the champagne bar on the 3rd and very top level, but then passed when they found out that the glasses were 10 euros each. "This moment is more than champagne... and I'm broke" Jess was quoted as saying.

After a couple of hours on the tower, the two went in search of the perfect waffle. "Amelie had been talking about them ever since lunchtime", a weird stalker source says. "She just couldn't get her mind of that nutella goodness." When the first waffle stand encountered directly under the Iron Lady proved to have turned off its grill, Amelie was spotted tearing up. "Jess panicked," says the closed waffle guy. "She knew it was a matter of minutes before shit hit the fan." "She had been promising Amelie the waffles all day," concurs weird stalker source. The two walked towards a promising merry-go-round and the fast food cart nearby, and hit the jackpot. "In all my 26 years at the waffle cart," says the owner, "I have never seen a waffle devoured with so much passion as the one I sold to Miss Amelie today."

On Thursday, the two rose bright and early and following the bakery run, were seen at the Parc du Luxembourg listening to a student orchestra and eating baguette sandwiches. They then waltzed through the park, enjoying the historical significance and admiring the statues. Evesdroppers claimed that they were talking about everything from Toronto crime to the dot-com burst to Amelie's new shorts. "They have so much in common," says a source close to the two.

At the Rodin sculpture museum the girls stopped to admire 'The Thinker' and 'The gates of Hell' before heading to the Champs d'Ellyses to find phone accesories and finally to the Arch de Triumph. "Ze girls were disappointed to descoverr zat zey could not go up ze arch today... but cleary it iz ze anniversaire of ze death de Charles de Gaulle! Zey need to do more re-search!" says a guard.

A quick trip home revealed a day-to-night fashion reveal and the girls headed to Bar Oz to meet Oliver, an old friend from Jess' exchange, and his banking friends. "The girls laughed and chatted with the bankers all night! They stayed there for only a half hour, then went to the gay district and the Lizard Lounge, the best falafel joint in Paris for dinner, then a final bar showing questionable films on the tv screens. Jess didn't even know they were in the gay district... she should have figured it out when she saw all the rainbow flags but she told Amelie that she only figured it out the next day! HAHA which company hired her again? I need to short those stocks..." says the bartender. The girls sipped cosmos and then made their exit, Oliver accompanying them as he had to work the next day. "They made a detour to the Hotel de Ville. Jess thought that it was so beautiful, all lit up because it was nightime... Amelie mostly just commented that it was cold." Claims a source close to Oliver.

But today, Friday June 19th, the romance was truly tested. "Amelie has been to the Louvre a couple of times, and she was also feeling really drowsy from the cold meds PLUS she was really annoyed by all the tourists." Says Leonarda VinChee of the Louvre. "Also, Jess kept wandering off, getting lost in the paintings, and Amelie would get annoyed that she couldn't keep track of Jess because she wasn't following the galleries in numerical order. Their 'gallery styles' are really different: Amelie likes to walk through, observing how the styles have changed wholistically over time; Jess likes to bounce around like a ping pong ball, staring for 10 minutes at a picture of no significance then giving up on some of the more important ones after a couple of seconds."

The romance seemed briefly troubled, and Jess needed to reconcile with her tired and cranky wifey, so she steered her to a waffle place across the street from the Louvre. "That cheered her right up. She kept saying 'I'm excited I'm excited! while I was making her waffle" states waffle guy. "I also made Jess a lemon suger crepe but she didn't seem as excited. She told Amelie she had never had a crepe before, then Amelie became very quiet and reminded Jess that she had made asparagus and mozza crepes for her once in Montreal. Jess backtracked, saying that she had never had crepes LIKE THIS - as in fast food - before, but Amelie looked like she was about to cry until I handed her the waffle. My waffles have that effect on people. The address of my cart is 12..."

In order to patch things up, the two went shopping, and Amelie bought some beautiful pieces from some local dealers. "She would have bought more," says a source "but the two got thrown out of H&M by some snooty Parisian shopkeepers. Apparently they have no need to warn clients, at 7:45 the lights suddenly get dim, the grates close, and the clerks run around harassing customers to get the (expletive) out."

Following a grocery run (on the menu tonight, a pear and goat cheese salad, see sidebar: How to try and cancel out a pastry based diet and why experts don't think it will work) and a quiet meal in Max's house, Amelie was last seen exiting the apartment, wearing a new party dress, to meet Patrice, an old colleague from BCG. "I do not comment on my client's personal life" said Mr. Choffat's agent, "however I will say, on a personal note, that Ms. Amelie's dress was supercute and where can I get one?". The saga continues. [Reporting by Nicholas Sarkozy, Heather Munroe Blum, Celine Dion, and Napolean Bonaparte. Additional reporting by Chuck Norris.]

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Part of trip: Back to the Mother Continent

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