Last one wasn't quite the full catch up...

Well I was trying to get caught up, just too many photos to share...

So having driven back through Spain and France pretty much non-stop, we hit the ferry port with 2 hours to spare, not bad timing after a nearly 1600km drive.
Unfortunately luck was having a wavering moment as the customs department decided to take the Landy apart, so the entire contents was spread out over the loading ramp at Dieppe, with the sniffer dog only really interested in the fresh baguette we weren't allowed to take out the car.... ignored everything else but the bread, we knew there was nothing to be found, but just wish could have got a photo of it... was comical to have all the crap spread out, makes you realize how much you can take when car travelling, but then you don't have to carry it on your back and you don't really need jerry cans and a toolbox for a rucksack n boots!!
Last on the ferry with the ferry guys getting agitated that we couldn't pack it all in quick enough, but for a first the customs guys actually helped us repack and were really nice guys, practising their English and asking about the trip with asking what various tools were called in English, a good laugh in the end!
British customs couldn't be less interested, so off and trip over.
For me it was a couple of days then back out to Congo for the rig, a mind-numbing first 14 shifts back on board, 12 hours a day with the sub on the bottom, clamped on, watching 2 gauges on the Xmas tree, that everyone knew were not going to move, but "procedure" called for us to be there watching

Most boring thing I have ever done, someone wrote a little thing about if you want to simulate/imagine/pretend you are on an oil rig, I have pasted it in, anyone want to try it and tell me their experiences.....

So here it is, the Rig Simulation

I'm not infrequently asked what it's like to be on a rig. So for those of you wishing to share in the experience I have devised a little simulator, so that you too can have your very own offshore experience from the comfort of your own home.

First of all, you need to simulate the unit, i.e. the room you'll be spending 12 hours a day. So take a room in your house and divide it in two (a blanket or some bits of board should do the trick): half a typical room is about the size of a typical unit. Remove anything remotely decorative or comfortable, and turn everything remaining grey. Find yourself a metal desk, perhaps a filing cabinet too, and then a chair. Break the chair and try and fix it: make sure you can't sit back and relax. Set up a laptop and other random bits of electronics, and give yourself an intermittent and very slow internet connection. If you're feeling particularly determined, have no internet at all.

We have now our basic workspace, but the ambience is all wrong. Crank up the heat to an unbearable level, and install a gigantic air conditioner/fan in the room. Ensure it doesn't work. Allow it to switch and blast air around very noisily, but make sure it isn't remotely cooling. Just outside of the room/unit, you need to create a source of noise. Perhaps 10-15 hoovers might do the trick or a lawnmower running (this could be costly in fuel) This is mere background noise, to accurately simulate the agonizing screech of the crane I'm currently enduring, you may need to borrow a friend's cat and have it tortured at ten minute intervals. Really, really hurt this cat, over and over again. In fact, put it in front of a megaphone as you do so.

You may close the door to soften the noises (a little), but if you do so, you must increase the heat greatly.To simulate the PA system, simply turn on your radio, find a grainy piece of static, and put the volume to full blast at random intervals.
Ensure there is no intelligible content within.

If you choose to simulate dayshift, your hours are 6am to 6pm, with meals at 5.30am, 11am and 6pm: nightshift is the inverse. Meals should consist of very well-done steak (not to be eaten) and chips - or gristle. Do not enjoy. For the foreign rig experience, pour sludge into a vat and add some mystery meats: you are now sampling "culture".

You are perfectly entitled to go outside at any time, but must wear luminous coveralls, a hardhat, gloves and safety glasses, and listen to ugly men swear. All communication must be grumpy. Humour is only allowed in small and very bitter doses. Do not smile. Do not be nice. And you can only walk round an area the size of an average yard, if you have a lawn 18 meters by 18 meters, paint a large H in the middle, this is your only exercise.

Do not talk about your emotions. Remind those around you how miserable conditions are. If you have a full blown conversation, ensure it is about mechanics or engineering or bits of pipe, and do not try and understand it.

To accurately simulate sleeping conditions, find a single bed too short to stretch out in. You may turn off some of the hoovers. Every couple of nights, simulate the roomboy by having a friend open and close your door, and sometimes turn the light on. Don't say much to him, or he will talk about about "jiggy jiggy".

Here comes the key part of this simulation: it must last for weeks...
no, months. In fact, when you begin, try not to even know how long it will last. Have a friend roll a dice in secret, and then have them tell you an entirely different, lower, number. It is vital you begin your simulation believing it to last three weeks when in fact it will last six.

The good news: when you finish your rig simulation you are allowed - nay, obliged - to drink very heavily for weeks and weeks. DO NOT STOP.
And then, just when you've spent your final penny on your final bottle of gin, crank up the hoovers, borrow the cat, and plunge yourself into another month or two of sensory shutdown. You are now fully primed to embrace the offshore existence.

Now imagine you have to watch a TV screen for your 12 hour shift that shows nothing but 2 gauges reading 210 bar pressure, they do not move and the most exciting thing that may happen is seeing a shrimp drift past in the lights.

I am not kidding when I say we all got to the stage where your attention span was no longer than 5 minutes, meaning your mind could not process anything such as a conversation or even patience on the computer for 5 minutes, that was after 7 days, I have no real recollection of week 2, it is blanked from my memory mildly worrying.....

So I survived that and flew back to YUK, grabbed a car and headed straight to France, taking the ferry again from Newhaven to Dieppe, the best service there is, you get off at 4.30 in the morning having not really slept on the ferry, but by 15.30 I was down in Sainte Foy la Grande pulling up to the barn to have a look and decide on an action plan before finding a hotel, exhausted.

The next morning was proper in-roads in to the work, spent 5 solid days just clearing, cleaning to gain access, digging up and repairing water pipes, sorting the rat eaten electricity cables, making the toilet work again, the caravan was the biggest job, the mice had got in and had a field day for the last 3 years!
Bit of background history, Dad and Mum bought the place 20 years ago, did lots to it and then it went off the list of anything important when Dad died and aside from seldom trips to see if it was still standing, it has been left to itself, till now, the decision is to keep it in the family and actually get it to the liveable stage, no mean feat as you'll see by the pictures.
It wasn't only for that though, Michele was flying in to Bergerac (Ryanair does have some advantages of flying into strange, small tin shack airports) which is only 20kms away, so we were going to do a bit of exploring.

First we had a bit more work to do, we removed quite a few years worth of bottles to the recycling bank, where the French folk coming to drop 5 or 6 bottles off from the Friday night did give some very sideways glances as we stood with box fulls of bottles "posting" them to recycling!
The second day we headed off for a trip to the ocean, heading off to Lacanau-Ocean, just north of Bordeaux for a wander and looking for some canoeing or someway of getting on the water, all we did in the end was wander along the beach after the most amazing ice cream, lay reading in the dunes sunbathing for a couple of hours out of the wind, there was quite a sea mist and a bit chilly in the wind.
On our way back we stopped and filled ourselves on beer and "Moules-frites" before looking at a few surf shops and heading back to the caravan through the back roads, winding through the forests and hills behind Sainte Emilion, deciding that was tomorrows destination...
So we did, after a night in the newly leveled caravan and a lovely breakfast, we headed a little late to St Emilion for a tour of the Monolithic church (literally cut out of one piece of rock, in the rock) the tower on top made from the local stone so many of the houses and chateaux are made from, which in a nice twist is one of the things that made the area so good for wine making, not only good soils, but also storage that stays humid and at a steady 13C all year, perfect for the ole vino!
We did the tour of the church and "got the key" to climb the tower, quite a strange affair, involving giving my passport as "deposit" for an old big cast iron key and a wind up torch (the entrance is very dark) But after so many steps, what a magnificent view, apparently not many bother, but I would highly recommend it!!
A really good wander round the town, some shopping for wine, from the Sister of the owner of the vineyard, after some tasting some wine was invested in before asking a recommendation for a good meal of local specialties, not to be disappointed in her recommendation, L'Envers Du Decor, a fantastic (if slightly pricey) meal and experience in the heart of the old town, with a multi-lingual waiter (at least 4 languages fluently) and fantastic cuisine with a wonderful selection of wines by the glass.

All too soon it was time to head back, with a long drive back through France, we decided to stop at Anglouleme and explore for an evening, then on to Brussels to see a friend and spend a day "In Bruges" visiting the great Bruges Zot brewery and enjoying Europe.

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