After being told that I would be able to share my testimony at the next Saturday night church service, I had been preparing myself to do it last night. I had managed to translate it into French and had given it to Lydie to check. But after talking to Rebecca on Saturday night about some of the things I've experienced since being in France I realized that there were some things that I could probably add to my testimony.
I had told myself it would be good to get my testimony out of the way before going home so that I'd be able to relax and forget about it. But then last Sunday came and I learnt that someone else was to be sharing their testimony before me so I wouldn't be able to do it the night I'd thought.
My immediate response was disappointment and a gutted feeling, for myself. I'd been preparing to do it next week and it wasn't fair that I wouldn't be able to do it then anymore. I wanted to cry like a spoilt child who doesn't get their own way but God quickly called me into line. He asked me who am I doing it for? Myself or Him? Did it matter or not whether I got to do it on the Saturday night I'd expected? No not really, because it's God and only God who decides when and where we do the things He wants us to do. Perhaps last night wasn't the right time to do it; there's no point getting angry and upset about it.
God also brought to my attention my bad attitude regards sharing my testimony. For me, it had been something that I wanted to 'get over and done with' but I believe God wants it to be something much more significant than that. I believe He wants it to have a significant impact on my life and the lives of those listening to it.
My prayers for my testimony had mainly being about me, about how I would come across on the night, what people would think of me but again, God pointed out to me that was the wrong attitude to have. My testimony needs to be about God and bringing glory to Him and until that becomes my number one priority, I don't think I'm ready to do it.
As soon as I had considered all these things and reminded myself of God's soverignty in all matters, I instantly had peace. I was no longer angry or upset, feeling sorry for myself. I am only beginning to realize what a huge difference it makes when you trust God wholeheartedly. Gone is the stress, the worry, the fear and in its place is peace, joy and love.
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