Not from loving Max: chosen mails from Croatia (including TEACHER OF LABYRIMTHS IN THE END)

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THE MARTZE'A WENT OUT FROM THE BAG
and I mean that literally (BE'OFEN MILLULI). In my flight, the security guys found in my bag the MARTZ'A , which I take for me for SHIFTZURIM, and took it from me. BTW: how 2 say SHIFTZURIM in english? maybe SHAPINGS is a good translation (shiftzur is an abbreviation of shipur tzura - did u know that?).

Budapest
My few hours’ stop in Budapest flashed me with nostalgy to my two weeks' stay there 4 years ago: The great pizza; the exciting sunrises and sunsets on the Danuba,; the amazing girls who haven't heard about the invention of the bra...

TOTAFOT
In my new bible, the lonely planet guide, I found a sentence, which brings you all the art of muchiler traveller. Read it and learn it by heart, put in your houses' mezuzut and gates, tooth it to your sons (VE SHINANTAM LEBANEICHA) and they would be TOTAFOT between your eyes (do you have any idea how to translate TOTAFOT into English? and - BTW - what is TOTAFOT anyway?). So - here it is:

The key to a success trip is travel light

!!! NO ME DIGAS !!!

By the way, Totafot is that black box you put on your head (supposed to be between your eyes) when you're puttiing on Tfilin.
Yaeli.

EFORCHIM CHIPES - the best story at this page

While walking in Zagreb I entered 2 a nice unknown church for a short break. After a few minutes, I realized that I was completely alone there. And then I realized that that's the best oppurtinity to accomplish my old biggest dream - to play "the little Jonathan" on a church's Ugav. So I started climb the escalates, which lead to the Ugav's place. Meanwhile I was wondering to myself in which key will I play "Jonathan": Will I use the classical D, or the avanguard G?
A sudden shout in Croatian stopped me. A young Croatian man stood on the church's first floor. I tried to explain him that I only wanna accomplish an old dream, but I didn't know how to say that in Croatian. More then all, I didn't know how to say "the little Jonathan" in Croatian. So I had to keep aside my old dream, at least till the next chance.
And that's really a pitty. After I haven't arrived to the moon till the age of 21, as was promissed in Bazooka, I hoped that at least the "Jonathan" dream will be accomplished one day. BTW - Orly and Oren, U still have the (theoretic) chance to arrive to the moon till the age of 21, don't U?
MAKE BIKE NOT WAR,

As always, you are Dafuk Basehel, my man. Too bad about Yonatan Hakatan though, that would have been cool (though a weird aspiration).
Yaeli.

Loundry

Before Hayim Veitzman came to the country in the first time, he heard all the legends of the halutzim (in the pioneering meaning, not in the ALON MIZRACHI meaning) about the mighty Jordan river and the green Gallile. Well, when he arrived, he found out what we all already know: That Palestina of that days was just a fucking desert in the ass of the world. So, when Weitzman came back he declared that: "Israel is a great place - for drying laundry".
Well, Croatia is st not such a great place for drying laundry. Especially not if U wash the clothes by night, and expect them to be dry be early morning, as I do. And therefore I st tie the humid clothes all around my bike's bags, and let them dry from the wind while riding. I really look like a 2-wheels-Beduin-Tent on these days...

Arbel
According to Avi's good advice I visited Paklenica park, in which I did a great terrain riding. The colour of the rocky mountain really reminded me the Arbel (and I mean the huge rock near the Kineret Arbel, and not the KACHA LO BONIM HOME one!).

MEM YUD KUF YUD BERKOVITCH
travelling in Croatia makes me fell like a Maccabee Tel-Aviv basketball player. 2 days ago I was in (Tzivona) Zagreb, now I m in Zadar, and soon I will be in (Joguplastica) Split. HU HA WHAT HAPPENED? TZE-ES-KA ATE HER!!!!

A CHILDREN'S SONG
- who took the cookies from the kitchen?
- R U, number 1?
- Who, me?
- Yes, U!
- How comes?
- So who?
- Number 2!

- Who, me?
- Yes, U!
- How comes?
- So who?
- Number 3!

- Who, me?
- Yes, U!
- - - and coming back fluta (VEHOZER HALILA).


Hi Itamar,
In Jerusalem - Lupo.
In Haifa - Yahav.
and in this "nima optimit" I'll sayy 2 u hag shavuuot sameach!
BYE IMA


The mammas and the pappas
ARCHIBISHOPHE HANITZACHON
all the ppl in Croatia R very excited, as in these days the whole PAPA (AFIFYOR) is visiting Croatia. Well, if to be honest, I don't really "come out of my dishes" (YOTZE MI'KELAY) from this visit. As an aethesist, I treat with the same amount of sarcasm to all the "windy viewers" (RO'IM RUHANIYIM) of all the religions of the world. And in the case of the PAPAs, who were the accessories of the Nazis during (and especially after) the 2nd world war, that's not only a sarcasm, but also a pure hate.

It Happens
It reads,
When the road is lastinginginging
There's to walk, to walk.
Garlic Postman for him known,
Not a year, neither a week,
There is to move, to move.
And to think that I coulk have
returned on the voice
but son of man
It calls...

No me digas (Shot 1, take 2)
NOT FROM LOVING MAX (LO ME'AHAVAT MORDECHAI)
Finally everybody likes us. I sit now in a pub, and everybody here are fans of israel. I asked why, and the locals explained me that Israel has 2day a match against Slovenia, which the Croatiens hate.

A good reason for a national proud
After hiking with topographical maps in Scotland, Chile, Argentina, Venezuella, Chech, Hungay, Slovak and Croatia, I can tell u that there are at least 2 things, in which Israel is the best for the traveller: trails' marking, and hiking maps.

COME ON, GO HOME, MAX (YALLA, LECH HABAITA, MOTTI)
after 3 days of tough hiking & biking, I made a rest in lovely
Zadar. I sleptin the YHA's youth hostel, which offered a great atmosphere of
Friendly travellers from all over the world. In the hostel slept also a
group of Croatian pupuls. Usually I hate teenagers, but they were really
cute. By night they made a dance party, in which one of the songs was the
local version of "U R KAPARA ON ME" of my own queen, Sarit Hadad (I think that
that's originally a Turkish song).

A MATERIAL FOR THINKING
I wrote "people from all over the world". Well, as usual when we say that, I actually meant "ppl from all over the FREE world". Never U meet travelers from black Africa, South and Central America and most of Asia states, and we all know why. So next time you hear the slogans that "the capitalism and globalization brings prosperity to every one", simply don't believe them. The globalization brings prosperity mainly to the bank accounts of the Huge international concerns' owners.
There is much more 2 say about that subject, but have got also a
Travel to do. Anyway, think about it.

CHAPTERS OF WIDES (PIRKEY AVOT)

Success -Love -Family - - -Disappointment?

 (Shalom Hanoch, "White Wedding").

I checked it, and Pirkey Avot should actually be translated to Wrists of Wides
Guy

Shlomoski Artziska (#2 best entry at this page)

A MAN IS GETTING LOST VIA A BALCONY
The voice of one of the most popular Croatien singers is similar to Shlomo Artzi's voice in a really suspicious way. Have our Shloy'me started a new career abroad without telling us? for investigating it, I listned carefully to the words. And I swear that one of the songs' words were:
Lo Ozevska et Hairski Avurska Af-Ehad-skaya.
Ha'omnam? Our Shloy'me???!!!
Ma agid Umah Omar. Croatiens calculate theirs end to behind.

And BTW SHLOY'ME
"The changes in the weather made me think that beside of them I am sad also because of you." And the similarity of the weather here to the weather in Israel made me think that maybe south Croatia isn't such a good place to cycle in at June. Luckily, I have got a good biological clock (BTW, it's not luck, it's just a question of listening to your body's demands and live sportive healthy life). So today I woke up (without an alarm, of course) at 05:30, and rode till 11:00. Then I made a rest till 16:00, when the weather is bearable again, and then kept on riding till now.

S'US TZIYONA NES VADEGEL (a free translation)

carry weight to tzion mirracle and flag,
flag of the market of Jerusalem.
Who in the vehicle, who in the leg
We shall do uncooked (in the ear) to the ultra-orthodox Ashkenazi political party.
- BEYN HAPOTRIM NECHONA YUGRAL CABEL BRAKES.
Ofananska.

TEACHER OF LABYRIMTHS (מורה נבוכים)

Teacher of labyrimths - MORE NEVOCHIM is a book by HaRambam. The 'n' in Labyrinths is replaced by 'm', for compensating the replacement of Nevochim by Mevochim (if you don't understand, give it alone. You don't have to try hard for understanding every nonesense I invent).
המרצע יצא מן השק - ביטוי.
"וכתבתם על מזוזות ביתך ובשעריך, ושיננתם לבניך, והיו לטוטפות בין עיניך" וגו' - מתוך תפילת "שמע ישראל".
NO ME DIGAS - "אל תגיד לי" בספרדית. ביטוי החביב על דוברי הקסטיינית (הספרדית הדרום-אמריקאית), שמשמעותו: מה אתה סח, וואללה???
אלון מזרחי - שחקן כדורגל, המשחק בתפקיד חלוץ.
ארבל - מצוק ארבל ליד הכינרת; יורם ארבל - שדר ספורט, שטבע את הביטוי "ככה לא בונים חומה".
מם יוד קוף יוד ברקוביץ' - ביטוי ממערכון של הגששים.
הוא הא מה קרה, צסקא אכלה אותה - שיר ששרו אוהדי מכבי ת"א לאחר הניצחון ההסטורי על צסק"א מוסקבה.
שיר ילדים - "מי גנב ת'עוגיות שבקופסא" וגו' הוא שיר ילדים פופולרי.
לופו - אורי לופוליאנסקי, ראש עיריית י-ם. יונה יהב - ראש עיריית חיפה. הבחירות התקיימו כשהייתי בחו"ל, ואמי עדכנה אותי בתוצאותיהן.
ארכיבישוף הניצחון - ביטוי ממערכון של הגששים (אותו מערכון של מם יוד קוף יוד ברקוביץ').
הממס והפפס - להקה מיתולוגית, ששרה, בין השאר את השיר הגאוני "חלום קליפורניה" (לא להתבלבל עם "מלון קליפורניה", המוכר יותר).
פפה - כינוי לאפיפיור. הואתיקן סייע לפושעים הנאצים לברוח לדרום אמריקה בתום מלה"ע ה-II.


זה קורה - להלן מילות השיר:
"זה קורה, כשהדרך מתמשכת,
יש ללכת, ללכת.
שום דבר לא ידוע,
לא שנה, לא שבוע,
יש לנוע, לנוע.
ולחשוב, שהייתי יכול
לחזור על הכל,
אבל בן-אדם.
זה קורה..."


סעו ציונה נס ודגל - להלן מילות השיר המקורי. בסוגריים ההסברים לתרגום.

סעו (בתרגומי: שאו) ציונה נס ודגל,
דגל מחנה יהודה (זהו השוק של י-ם)
מי ברכב מי ברגל,
נעש נא (לא מבושל. וגם: נא באוזן) לאגודה ("אגודה" - מפלגה חרדית אשכנזית).

Travel date: May/2003

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