Published: November 6th 2010November 6th 2010
So its all really surreal that I leave to travel the world with my crazy sister Lindsey on Monday morning. Its almost as if im just popping to London for a weekend. But no here I am sat with my travel blow up pillow around my neck for one of the last times in my amazing double bed, with crumbs in and the duvet back to front and my cat laid next to me purring with the constant sound of the merton swimming pool generator next door. Im writing what will be my first blog entry, yet my last home entry I know in a few days il be sweating one out half way across the world. I am trying to take it all in, home comforts ect, spending time with the family and close friends, but really if im honest I would prefer not to do so in a weird way, as it gets you thinking and saying goodbye will be harder. So in my mind I have been treating each day normal, with the constant thought ./ dread in the back of my mind I soon have to face my biggest fear known to me… getting on the plane.
I know im not saying goodbye, but in fact just farewell for now. It will be hard for my mum as me and lindz are what keep her insane. And saying goodbye to my dads Child (our amazing little brother) Byron will be heartbreaking… how can you tell a 5 year old that we will see him next year, especially when we have grown so close to him in the last year after he moved back from france and living in Jersey. But I know our love for him will only grow more.
I will miss Jersey, but only because il be learning how to appreciate it more. Aswell as my beautiful fantastic friends.
I keep having to visualise myself leaving, just briefly because all my lovely friends are more excited then I am, coming round, making a huge effort and shivering almost in excitement, but im way to mellow for my liking. I want to get excited, but I cant. The thing is I am leaving in 3 days with nothing but a 50 liter backback with minimal everything, and nothing but an open mind with no expectations. That way I wont be disappointed or mislead. The world can be made out to be an amazing place, but it can also be made out to be cruel and evil. So expect neither and make compromises to your way of thinking, and that way the world really is your oyster.
I truly am doing this for me, no one else. I have done a lot in my life and made a lot of compromises just to suit other people (because at the time I wanted to) but never have I really truly done anything that I did for myself and felt really proud of. (big) So now this is for me, and I have worked very hard for every penny making this possible because I am a very determined self motivated independent person, always have been and always will be, but its not just money that got me to this point. Money may have bought me my plane ticket, my jabs and help fund me around the world, but without my self-belief and honesty to myself this wouldn’t have come around. A year ago I was telling people I was going to take a gap year after college then hit up university. But this was because I wanted people to hear this. I wanted to sound like I was doing something with my life. I would have laughed to myself if someone was to say get on that plane now and off you go. It has taken that last year to mentally prepare myself for Monday morning. Getting on that flight, and for me this trip will be a huge step, not because im leaving jersey but because I am getting on a plane. My fear WILL be concord by the time I come home from travelling. And I will have the time of my life, but I will also remember that what lays ahead is up to me, and I need to shape it. I cant wait to visit places I have never been, smell the smells that help shape the culture, taste the food and dance with the locals. I cannot wait to snorkel, surf and swim in the clear crystal oceans that my toes run through. Or lie at night staring into the stars thinking everlasting thoughts. Meet mesmerising life changing people who will shape my thoughts and way of thinking. I simply can only imagine what lies ahead, but without imagination, the canvas is only half painted.
I have so many true friends, and beautiful family that have helped shape me into the person I am today, and many will laugh at this blog, many will smile, but this is there for those who truly care.
I am planning to learn wonders away, read a lot and become educated to different ways of life. At least then I will have some idea about shaping mine. I will share the love others have offered me, and treasure the times both happy and sad. Picture, video and diary entries will help me capture the moments needed, and my eyes will capture the rest. We only part to meet again.
Those who wonder are never lost.
Love always …Tams.