So what am I actually DOING here?!

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After recieveing a request from a friend for more information about what I´m actually DOING here in Nicaragua, I thought I´d fill in some details. Somehow that (seemingly obvious) detail of mentioning why I´m here in the first place managed to escape me, what with the culture shock, roaches, etc! So...what AM I doing here?! The past little while, I have been asking myself that very question. You see, in theory I am working in the "Centre for information on Multiethnic Women" (CEIMM) in URACCAN, an autonomus University in the small town (or city, depending on how you look at it!) of Nueva Ginea. However, I use the term "working" very loosely: I get the distinct impression that I am the one mainly benefitting from this interaction. In fact, I kinda think they´re getting the short end of the stick-- I´m learning so much, growing so much, being challenged, and getting the wonderful oppertunity to travel all around Nicaragua...for free! (thanks to York´s international bursary). They, on the other hand, get a non-Spanish-speaking, confused, culture-shocked (and therefore mentally EXHAUSTED most of the time) intern from York University, with a lot of ideals, but very little practical knowledge with which to contribute in any way, shape, or form! Hmmm, who do YOU think got the better deal?!

It seems that my main purpose inbeing here is to assist in a World Bank funded project (grr! It goes against all of my anti-Neoliberal sentiments!) to promote "youth leadership, organization, and political participation" in the local youths of Nueva Ginea, and the surrounding townships. Sounds very grand. In reality in translates into one, 3-hour discussion and dialogue per month. The first one will not be until next week. But that´s only THREE sessions the entire time I´m going to be here! True, it´s very intimidating for me to lead such a discussion in Spanish (it would be nerve wracking even in English!), so it will require quite a lot of prep and practice on my part. But all in all those 3 little seminars are not very much to fill a 3 month internship...

So far in my 3 weeks here I have been travelling a lot with the head of CEIMM; who is Juliana, my hostess that I am living with, who is like a second mother to me while I´m here. We have visited several places (as recounted in earlier entries), giving talks to the local women there about the importance of political organization and participation. During these sessions I have nothing really to contribute, as I don´t know the situation of the women in these various locations, and everything I thought I knew about gender and women´s rights seems totally inapplicable in this incredibly machista society. It´s like Canada in the 1950´s: "women´s place is in the home", I´ve been told, and "God made man to rule over women: that´s why Jesus didn´t have any women disciples, because women can´t do such important jobs", only topped by the comment that, "Eve made Adam sin, that why it´s ok for men to rule women, and husbands to beat their wives". In such a climate, I have NOTHING to contribute: I spend most of my time in these "capacitaciónes" numb with shock, just listening. I feel like a sponge, absorbing this new and different reality.

The small way that I feel I can contribute is in the once a week, hour and a half long English class that I lead every Monday night. So far I´ve had two, which have gone pretty well. They are nerve wracking though, as I always worry that I won´t have enough to hold the students´ attention and fill the time...I wish I had taken some training on teaching ESL before I came! I´m totally flying blind, with only the fact that I SPEAK ENGLISH to guide me. Nonetheless, it´s something for me to do to try and earn my keep. Also, two other small sessions (one an hour long yoga class, and another hour long session on appropriate protocol when welcoming guests to the University--neither of which I am quialified to teach!) have been oreganized for me to lead later this week. That´s the bulk of my work for the month of May. Literally, that´s IT! The rest of the time I spend....well, not doing much! Just absorbing. Being a culture-sponge.

But I am still expected to work 8 hours in the CEIMM ofice every weekday. So I spend most of my day in the office just sitting around, either reading or on-line, checking my e-mail. My daily rountine is this:
- wake up at 6:30am, eat and bathe (in a bucket, with no running water), then walk to the University at 7:30am.
- "Work" (ie. sit) in the office from 8:00am-noon. (maybe chat with some ppl, take a stroll to the library)
- From noon until 2 is siesta time: so everyone goes hom to eat, and rest.
- Return to the office at 2, "work" until 6pm. (more sitting!)
- After "work" I go for a run in the field next to the University (my self-appointed task, as the only way to prevent gaining MASSIVE amounts of weight, as the food here is really greasy), then come home to bathe and eat. (I used to run along the street, but I now run in the field, after having been chased by a rotwiller one night, snapping at my ankles all the way! Apparently it took my running as an indication that I was up to no good. Luckily it didn´t bite me--gave me quite a scare, though!)
- After my evening run, if I have the energy, I´ll then play with the kids in the street until bed time at about 10pm ("early to bed, early to rise" is the motto here!). But often I´m tired when I get home (from what, I don´t know!), so I just read. (I´m quickly running out of reading materials, having read 4 novels since I got here!)

I find myself in a (personal, non-existant) competition with the first intern to Nicaragua, who came 2 years ago. Everything I think of to do (for example, spend time in the local church to try and meet people, or play with the street kids and teach them a new game) she seems to have already done: and better! ("O, yes, Daniella started a women´s group that still meets every week at that Church!", "Yes, Daniella played with the kids in the street EVERY NIGHT. She taught them weekly classes. Everyone loved her!"). So when I´m tired and
exhausted at the end of the day, so that I don´t want to play with the kids and just wish they would leave me alone (not tired from DOING anything, you understand, just from the mental fatigue of struggling to sit through and understand meetings in Spanish) I end up feeling like such a failure. I certainly can´t compare to the infamous
"Daniella" (although, to be fair, she was a native Spanish speaker, giving her a DEFINATE advantage)! But, such is life, I just have to try and do my best. Hopefully I can find SOME WAY to give my trip here some purpose, so that I don´t leave feeling like I am the only one that benefitted from this interaction...

Anyway, that´s all for now. Your continued prayers (to God) and e-mails (to me, not God-- though I´m sure He can read those too!) are greatly appreciated. It means a lot to me to know that someone, somewhere in the wide world, cares about what happens to me. Blessings in Christ:
Seeta

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Comments

[Alice]

Thanks
That entry answered my question perfectly. Thanks a lot. I wonder if there is nothing you could organize for the community that Daniella hasn't done yet.... is there an area of the community that could be cleaned up?? some wildlife that could be preserved... anything like that... sports or music for the kids?? hmmm just wondering. But don't worry about feeling needed, I am sure that just being there as an example another culture and different ideas will benefit these people (especially the women) more than you can imagine. Good luck. Alice