Diving and Near Death by Chong

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Went diving the next day, and to be honest, I was underwhelmed. The water is warm and there’s a good amount of marine life, but I just expected there to be more. It’s like going to a Dodger game, and they’re out of Dodger dogs. I would still have a good time, but I’d be left wanting. I heard about Roatan having amazing diving, but it was sparse. I saw a lot of coral which is not what you want to remember about a dive, and compared to Hawaii it paled.

I got heat rash on my feet, that looks like I dipped them in red paint. It doesn’t hurt, but it really looks like it should. What does really hurt, are my thighs that got burned like a mother. I put suntan lotion on, but when I sat down, my swimming trunks rode up, so my upper thighs were out there soaking up the hot Honduran sun. My heritage is Polish, so I either stay white or burn, it’s the law. There is no such thing as tan with this Polak. I was probably well done within ten minutes and now I’m suffering. There is however, a feeling that is really indescribable, that I would never have felt if I didn’t let the sun bake me. Putting cream on a sunburn. It’s the ultimate pleasure and pain combination that makes you gasp as if you were watching that scary scene in Exorcist 3 for the first time (for those of you who have seen this movie, you know which scene I’m referring to). Whatever you do, do not get burnt on your vacation. It sucks. Big time.

KING CHONG

On the way back from diving, we went to dinner (saw a tapir on the way), and remembered that we had to be picked up at 5:00am the next morning to get on the ferry to get to La Ceiba. It was 9:45pm, and Chong had told us to remind him when we got back to call a taxi for us. We knocked on his door. Nothing. The tv was on, so I knocked again, a little harder. I heard a shuffling inside and then a disheveled and drunk Chong came to the door holding a machete! He asked me what I wanted and I really really really politely asked him if he could call that taxi for us. He mumbled something and shut the door in my face. I was just glad that I still had a face that did not have a machete sticking out of it. We left the next morning and got on the ferry for…

RANDOM OBSERVATION NUEVE: The sound of crabs walking on wood is extremely disturbing.

RANDOM OBSERVATION DIEZ: Always carry some extra food around with you in a third-world country. It’s a good feeling to feed some hungry feral animal. Obviously, don’t go up to any of the animals because some of them carry diseases that could ruin your vacation and your life.

RANDOM OBSERVATION ONCE: Don’t bring too many nice articles of clothing on trips to hot climates because you’re just going to sweat. It’s just the way it is. By the end, you will have no clean clothes, just less dirty ones, so suck it up and wear some strong deodorant.

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Photos

Roatan Sunset
Doesn't it look like one of those Corona commercials waiting to happen