Chicken buses, volcanoes and glorious Moza

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Well some much needed catch up is needed on our last journey so hopefully i can complete our Guatemalan leg tonight! Now i have more free time as we finished our epic translating job.....epic because it was incredibly dull and long. The job was to translate a historical book based on local celebrations in the area.....sounded interesting until we discovered it was about repetitive post spanish intensely catholic 'parties'.....not exactly exciting....i learnt alot of things i have already thankfully forgotten and very glad to be finished.

Anyway carrying on from last blog....we woke up bright and early and caught the collectivo to the border, was probably the slackest and easiest border crossing ive experienced and we were both full of excitement as this was the first place we had visited together that neither had previously experienced.
As well as one of the easiest it also was one of the biggest changes ive seen just from crossing a km or so of the earth. Immediately it felt strangely like a very different country, and somehow, amazingly the driving was even worse!

Our first experience was the famous chicken buses...these are the typical bright yellow 80's school buses you see on american movies. Im not sure of the history but they were donated to Guatemala and obviously not being fond of yellow they decided to give them a paint job. And they didn't just decide on using 1 or 2 colors, they used as many as possible, added some stickers and decals (eg jail bars on the window, or casper the ghost looking out) and of course some religious paraphernalia and you have the country's primary pubic transport. Although looking newer than the day they rolled off the production line on the outside, the inside remains original, and judging from the questionable engine sounds, as is the engine. So anyway the monkey like drivers assistant grabbed our bag, threw it on his head and scaled up the ladder to deposit our bags on the roof and we took our cracked green vinyl seats and prepared ourselves for the jerky bumpy 5 hours ahead of us. Entertainment was proved by the same monkey assistant who climbed all the impossible angles of the bus to deposit more bags/boxes/food and continually yell our final destination in slang which took awhile to understand.

Some other humorous entertainment was provided by various salesmen. Id become accustomed to the bus stop sales, but they had usually revolved around food. But now we had all sorts of goods at our disposal including a magic pill capable of curing everything from bed wetting, to diabetes to hemorrhoids....amazing this guy is still doing the bus route and not holding a Nobel! In between these life changing sales pitches the home made food would be sold which gave us a good insight to the incredibly bad environmental attitude of the citizens.....finish the food and chuck the wrapping out the window. Thinking it was a once off we were slightly shocked to see it was the common thing to do with nothing being exempt from being lobbed out the window.

So long after the fun of the colorful bus had worn off we arrived to our destination which was Huehuetenango, quite the mouthful and therefore explaining the use of 'hue hue' as the shortened slang name. After finding a cheap and surprisingly nice place we got some much needed food, had a look around and got a few beers at a local pub. You have already seen the sign that greeted us at the front stairs, im still not sure if was a good thing or not....either everyone didnt bring there guns because of the sign, or the sign is there because everyone decides to bring there guns......
Anyway we ended up having an alcohol fueled night filled with stories of illegal immigration, cocaine (calm down only conversation!) and a very intoxicated conversation about a guys involvement in one of the local gorilla groups trying to take down the government. All could of been a crock of shit, but it was still fun, very interesting and being the only 'guero' (white boy) added an extra bit of enjoyment.

The next day we woke up with a mighty hang over, some 'borrowed' beer branded napkin holders and a bus ticket onwards to Lake Atitlan. With 3 to a chair, my knees up around my neck and people/boxes/bags everywhere the name chicken bus made so much sense. After wading through a road turned river, we found a nice room, hung up the entire contents of the bags to dry, and looking forward to the promised 'agua caliente' jumped in the shower......reason i mention this was the slightly scary hot water systems.....the shower head had been replaced in an obviously dodgy home job with an electric ball, capable of heating about 3 litres of water by about 4 degrees. The joy of a shower was replaced with a slight edginess as i eyed the exposed cables helping with the conclusion that the rain outside will probably be safer and warmer. So we chucked on some semi dry clothes and headed of down the street to check out the lake. After passing the colorful stalls we reached the volcano ringed lake, and wow......it really was breath taking. Long in the past it used to be a volcano, which blew it top, filled with water and other volcanoes grew up around it, making for one of the most picturesque natural wonders ive seen.

We spent a few days zipping across and around the lake and visiting the little markets and towns ringing the lake, eating fresh lake fish and visiting coffee plantations. But with Paus first day of uni drawing nearer we had to move on so it was back on the bus and off to Antigua, which used to be the capital of the country until an earthquake destroyed it. Today this is still obvious with numerous ruins (mainly churches) around town, giving this town a great character, increased by the looming volcano on the out skirts of town. As usual we had not booked anything and just expected to find something, but were disappointed after trecking through town not being to find anything. We eventually found a tiny bed, on the top of a creaking fragile bunk we could share, wasn't exactly luxury but did the job.

While here we decided to check out one of the numerous local volcanoes whose name escapes me right now. After a decent hike we were rewarded with vast dried lava fields, amazing views, and a little bit of lava.....unfortunately couldn't risk going to the top and peering into the crater as it was slightly unstable which was disappointing but such is life. After cooking hotdogs, marshmellows and some mayan ceremonial leaves over lava it was a blind decent in the dark, exposing the red hot glow of the surrounding volcanoes and the noises of the jungle creatures arising from there sleep.

Some random recommended checking out the lookout in town, which was made easier with our police escort! Due to a few robberies the cops now take fat pocketed gringos up to the lookout accompanied by shotguns and pistols! So a group of us jumped into the back tray of the cop ute and our escort delivered us after a bumpy ride to the lookout. It was nice drive until the daily downpour began, destroying the novelty of being the back of a cop car for an innocent reason. So once again we found ourselves damp and with limited time to pack because it was time to move on, this time to flores, in northern guatemala. We had our over night bus booked that night from Guatemala city with an unfortunate 3 hour wait at the bus station. According to the guy who dropped us off at the station it was a pretty dodgy area, his parting advice was stay inside the station, don't leave for anything...not even a ciggie......well i wasn't sitting in a dilapidated room on a plastic chair watching dodgy spanish sitcoms for 3 hours without a ciggie!!! So out into the wild violence filled world i ventured, perhaps my imagination was playing tricks but i did receive a couple devious looks and one guy asking for money, which is nothing uncommon, even though id have to say i wasn't exactly looking or smelling like i was loaded. After a polite decline he proceeded to real off all relevant lines he must of learnt from gangster/arnie movies! Including the slightly humorous 'ill bust a cap in your arse mf', well luckily the bus wasn't far off and im still thankfully lacking a cap in my arse.

Iron man was to be the entertainment thankfully diverting my mind set from the obnoxious crew infront (mmm yep from the mighty USA which continues to verify my theory), which was a surprise as it was just released in the cinemas. Obviously a bad camera job, but to make it worse the spanish dubs were homemade and this guy didn't have much of a grasp of english! One male voice for the entire movie (including females a baby crying) and he obviously couldn't quite keep up with the tempo, as the dubbing fell further and further behind until it was about 30 mins delayed! Made for some entertaining scenes!

Red eyed and cramped up we arrived to Flores and promptly bused it out of there to a small lake side town on the way to Tikal (ancient Mayan ruins which were the reason for coming). We quickly decide on a hammock/beer/nothing day which went down beautifully. Ill cut in here for a brief comment on the beer, if you can find some Moza in shop near you (unlikely) buy it all, for me it was one of the best things about the country, and i was therefore very happy to become more acquainted with it in a hammock, accompanied with an odd dip in the lake. The next morning we were heading to Tikal on a sunrise tour.....i know i had previously mentioned a lifelong shun on tours but it was the only way and in the end restored my faith in tour operator/guides in general.

Our tour guide who looked,spoke and walked like the army general out of full metal jacket picked us up at the unimaginable time of 4. On arrival he delivered a speech, adding to his evil army feel, about how we have to walk, at his pace and if we cant keep up then tough.....keep in mind its the middle of the jungle and pitch black! Anyway we were charging along at a decent pace over the roots and puddles to make it in time to see the sunset over the temples and the howler monkeys start. As there name implies they howl and if i hadn't of read about them i probably I would have probably had to change my pants. Man they sound scary and reminded me of Jurassic Park and a hungry dinosaur. After a sweaty decent trek we arrived to the top of a temple in time to watch the jungle wake up and the simultaneous sun rise. This is when our army man came in handy promptly telling everyone to shut up, dont talk or smoke and enjoy. The photogenic sun rise, shrouded by fog unfolded before us illuminating numerous temples and induced the jungle animals to wake up with thousands of exotic birds, monkeys (including the evil ones) and other creatures announced to the world another day was about to begin. It would have to be one of the best ways to start a day.

Army man then took us on a very informative tour, concentrating on the Mayans uses for the native trees, damming techniques and basically out lining how they were damn smart and innovative. We also spotted a few of the fellows we heard earlier including monkeys, birds, tarantulas, and a bright pink 20 cm long gecko on crack.

The following day was unfortunately the last in this intriguing country and was spent on an epic trek through the forest and relaxing by the lake, sipping sweet dark Mozas and going for swims (much to the giggles of the locals). Unfortunately we had 5 buses and a boat trip spanning 30 hours to make it home. It was a shame to leave Guatemala after a such a small taste which didn't even scratch the surface, but it had to be done. On a plus note we were both looking forward to mexican food again! I think every chicken in Guatemala is born pre-battered and is destined for the fryer, and the lack of salsas was depressing as they make can make an average meal (even fried chicken) great, add enough chilli and anything tastes good! The lack of guards with numerous guns (mainly big ones!!) on every corner and in every shop was also something to look forward to as it kind of taints beauty of your surroundings.

Well if your still reading thats all i have to say for this time, i hope you enjoyed my brief summary of a great country. hope all is well where ever you are. See ya next time.......

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