Disrobing before strangers

I got ‘back-roomed’ in Ecuador’s airport trying to leave the country. It started out as a normal day at the airport... arriving a few hours early and waiting forever while the people behind the desk type away incessantly and most likely, unnecessarily. After waiting for about an hour and moving a total of 7 feet in the line, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was a short, round oompa loompa looking narcotics trafficking officer.

“I’ve been watching you.”
I didn’t really know how to respond so I stared at him and hummed the oompa loompa song to myself.
“I saw you from across the room.”
Not sure if he was trying to pick me up or just weird me out, I decided to appease him with the privilege of my conversation. “Good vision...”
“Thank you. Passport. Now.”
As he looked over my passport, I noticed an inquisitive and curious look come over his oompa loompa face.
“I see that you’ve spent the last month or two in Colombia and are now flying out of Ecuador 2 days later. See how that might be seen as suspicious?”
I lied. “Yea I suppose.”
“Want to explain that to me then?”
I went on and divulged the whole itinerary of my trip. I even explained that I wasn’t planning on going to Colombia until other travelers had told me how beautiful it was.
“Oh, so once you got down here you decided it would be a good idea to go to Colombia right before heading home? I have some more questions for you. How about you come with me for a bit?”

Pissed about losing my well-earned space in line, I followed the waddling creature to a back room humming my own song on the way.

‘Oompa Loompa Dompadee Doo
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa, Doompadah Dee
Where the hell are you taking me?
A damp dark room that’s hard to find?
I hope you don’t try to check my behind’

We entered a windowless room with a table on one end and an incredibly uncomfortable looking chair occupying the other.
“Put the bags on the table and sit.” He ordered me.
I realized he wasn’t in the mood to play around so I did what he asked. As he began rummaging through all my stuff I stood up and told him I would prefer to have a closer eye on my belongings. He grumpily told me to bring the chair closer and sit. He then methodically took everything out of my bags and laid them on the table. He wore a stupid look on his face the entire time and I could tell he was filled with excitement and anxiousness knowing that his jackpot was coming.

Things got interesting when he came across my new T-shirt from Colombia. It’s a spoof on the brand Puma but instead says “Mula” and has a picture of a mule on it. I bought it in Medellin thinking it was an instant classic. (If you don’t understand, see Maria Full of Grace) The T-shirt was a joke but one that he obviously wasn’t getting. He held it up and asked if I thought it was funny.
“Not anymore.” I replied sheepishly.

After finding the T-shirt and now being convinced I had something I didn’t want him to find, he intensified his search. The tops were coming off of deodorant and shampoo, the batteries were getting taken out of cameras and flashlights, the soles were coming out of shoes, the ground coffee was getting poured out. Then he came to something I was worried about him finding. A kilo of coke? Nope. A weapon of mass destruction... my dirty laundry bag. When traveling around a lot, you don’t always have time to wash it before moving to the next location. This means putting it in a plastic bag and shoving it to the bottom of your bag. Sweaty, nasty clothes sealed up in a plastic bag create something just plain lethal. (ATTN: Bush Administration, please don’t bomb my house thinking this is justification.) As my new vertically challenged friend saw the bag and the look on my face, he instantly thought he had hit his jackpot. He ripped open the plastic bag like a kid on Christmas morning… And then it hit him. The smell... the horrendous, eye-searing stench. As I watched his eyes roll back almost demonically, I thought for sure he was going to pass out. He managed to keep his feet and threw the bag in the corner as he dramatically coughed like he had emphysema.

He was finally done searching my bags so I asked if I could go.
“Not yet. Please remove your shoes, socks, shirt and pants.”
Are you kidding me? I was getting pissed at this point because I had spent nearly 30 minutes in this room and was in no mood to do any free stripteases (or get any orifices poked and prodded). I complied, but as I took off my pants, I looked back over my shoulder and gave a mocking wink. Finally, he had seen enough and was ready to let me go. I spent the next 10 minutes packing all my stuff back up as fast as I could. He took my picture and entered all my passport info into the computer and told me he would be watching for me. When I finally got back to the line, I had lost my spot and was looking at another hour wait, but was lucky that one of the desk guys spotted me and waved me to the front. “Nice eyes,” he told me as I approached. Little did he know I had just stripped for one man and wasn’t interested in doing it again so I kept the small talk to a minimum as I checked my bags.

I was very excited about seeing my Costa Rican family again. They also would have been excited had the post office not screwed up and delivered my letter telling them when I would arrive 2 months late. It was a complete surprise as the taxi pulled up to the house, but within 30 minutes I felt like I was back home. Things in Linda Vista are going well. The family is doing very well and the government actually finished the classrooms for the school. It’s amazing to think how much the school has changed since I first arrived nearly 2 years ago. I spent the majority of the week getting schooled in soccer by Max, who is almost 4, and spending time with Francinny and Marcela, my sisters. Thanks to the support of the youth at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Roanoke, I was also able to donate some much needed school supplies to the school. The money that the youth raised back in the states greatly helped in buying books to fill the new school building. I also put some of the money towards supplies for me and another man from the community to build a small add-on to the school. Nothing fancy at all as we cut down trees for support columns and used left over sheets of tin for roofing, but a very necessary structure for the school. We built a 15ft x 25ft roofed in area where the school’s lunch lady could store the fire wood and cook outdoors without holding an umbrella during the rainy season. I loved spending time with my Costa Rican family and made the most of it since I’m not sure how long it will be before I manage to get back down there.

I am now back in the States and under the overly watchful (and illegal) eye of the government. It’s a bit of a culture shock now that I worry less about getting stabbed and more about getting stabbed in the back with the use of my own taxes. After 9 months abroad, I have spent a couple of weeks in the States and am ready to travel more. For those of you who read my blogs like necrophiliacs read the obituaries; fear not! In late July, I will be heading back up to NYC to lead trips with Sprout again for a month or two. These always insightful and never boring trips always inspire my desire (I’m gonna go ahead and copyright that phrase) to update.

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