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Costa Rica was possibly the port I was most excited about before coming to the ship. I’d heard such great things about the country from friends who’d been there. I wanted to see and experience the rainforest. Yet it’s the port I’ve seen the least of and today is our last stop there. I was adamant that I’d do a great tour this time. I requested any of about 8 different tours. Then we were scheduled for an emergency drill. No tour.

But today I made a decision that once the drill was over, I’d try to do a tour through an independent operator. I’d have to spend money to do it. But I think I’d regret not doing anything more than I’d regret having 60 extra dollars. So after rushing around sorting out some details, I got Brooks to join me and we took off for a tour - Zip Lining in the rainforest!

Heights terrify me. One of the scariest things I’ve done was the Aerial Truss Dive at YLCC when I was there for a Keating training weekend. Also with Keating, we went zip lining at the Lafleche Caves near Ottawa, but I panicked and didn’t do it. I walked back through the forest by myself crying I was so afraid. But today, I was just excited to do a tour. I knew I’d still be scared once I got up there, but I was adamant that I would do it.

What an incredible experience. I am so happy we went. It was such an intense adrenaline rush to soar 100 feet in the air above the canopy of the rainforest. There were so many different types of trees, all of them stunning. Butterflies fluttered about below us. From the tree tops we had gorgeous views of the Caribbean Sea and rolling mountains in the distance. The entire time I just thought “Yes. This is the Costa Rica I wanted to see.”

Our guides - and there were many - were fantastic. Friendly, chatty, fun, comforting and safe. Having run high ropes elements at YLCC this last fall gave me a lot of security. I knew what all of the equipment was, how it worked, how it needed to be set up. I always watched carefully and felt comfort seeing everything was set properly.

A wonderful surprise? How little fear I felt. I was afraid. I was nervous. I had crazy shakes from the rush of it all. But that paralyzing panicked feeling I had last year at the Lafleche caves and the year before at YLCC? None of it. The fear was more like before a big performance - scary, but something I just had to get past. I took deep breaths. I focused on myself. I went when I was ready to and not when somebody told me to. And it was amazing. I cried out, I shouted, I gasped. My face - I can only imagine it, how wide-eyed and open-mouthed I would have been. The whole time I just felt “Yes. This is it. This is what adventure is. This is what life is meant to be filled with.”

Today has felt like a big landmark in how much I’ve grown and grounded over the last couple of years and especially the last three months. I was so unhappy and disappointed about the little I’d seen and done in Costa Rica and how things out of my control kept preventing me from doing so. But then I decided I could still take control with the time I did have. Not everything can be handed to me the way so many things are handed to us on this ship. I had to make something happen. So I did. And the rewards were so great.

But even more than having that lesson reaffirmed, today was a sign post in how I tackle fear. I’ve rarely been unconfident in my life. But I realized just how much more confident, comfortable and grounded I’ve become. Heights have terrified me before. They still scare me. But I have faced so many greater fears recently.

I left home all alone to come on this ship. That was terrifying. I’ve entered an intense social environment on my own and found a place in it. That was terrifying. I’ve become very attached to people here. That has been terrifying. Yet I’ve done all of these things. Not only have I survived doing them, but I’ve thrived doing them. And so, after all that, facing my fear of heights become only about connecting with myself and the awareness that I have faced far more terrifying things and I love myself for it. I feel so grounded and empowered now. Full of life. And just ready for more adventures.

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