spicybird

xo so it is just a few sleeps until i am back in cleanliness, fresh air, a place where i can communicate with people around me and where, if i am wiling to not wear a crazy outfit, i can blend into the crowd and go unnoticed. i am loving painting with water colours and am finding the process extremely enriching because it is so revealing of the extent to which my impossibly high standards that i set for myself all the time are responsible for so much angst and are so limiting. its nice to be ok with doing hte best that i can and just honouring myself for that and then being able to see that i am actually ok ,not terrible, and that being mediocre at something is no reason to give up ... read more

Dadar is the CRAZY dirty dicey train station to which i arrivedfrom bangalore here to mumbai several weeks ago. wow. that sentence was something. my grammar is special. so as i type this in my friend's apartment, in the stairwell sit two women with two children. i'm not sure whether they are nannies or the mothers of these kids but there is a lot of commotion. i can hear the kids being smacked and crying. this went on for several hours yesterday too. on the anxious scale of 1-10 im at around 7 so i couldn't take it anymore and opened my door and peered out, not hoping (or hoping???) to catch one of these women mid slap. it's not that i want to judge these people. for disciplining their children..(they BETTER BE THEIR OWN CHILDREN) ... read more

so im kinda doing nothing. some people would say im wasting my days given that i have been here since saturday and have not yet seen any landmarks whatsoever...but im kinda happy just cruising. i dont feel that i need to tick off any list of sites that one must visit.. it just doesnt feel important to me. i do want to visit the Kali temple tomorrow at the very least but im really happy just people watching, observing social interactions, having some time on my own to chill, write, read, wander and reflect. so im in the paharganj area now, staying on the main bazaar, in amongst the crazy which is really fun.. big change from the elitist gated communities in which i have stayed the previous days. im back in the hectic vibe. such ... read more

nice to be weighing in at 50kg again. didn't want anyone freaking out but i was waaaaaaaaaay too skinny for a few days there. im talking emaciated. but with loose skin. grossss. need to hit gym bigtime. am doing yoga but only one of the two classes that are on offer to me each day because i am still weak and really tired from the illness and havent completely recovered. have lost so much muscle tone its quite disheartening. there is no chance i could do any man push ups. having enough difficulty with plank into chaturanga. its a huge struggle.. im shaking all over just to get down. its a big difference to the way that i used to feel about my body. i need to be gentle on myself because i was up all ... read more

so i have really wanted to update for a while now but there is just too much going on. when i sit down to write i am overwhelmed by the multitude of insights and lessons and experiences that i'm enjoying - where to start? so rishikesh totally is the epitome of all the idealistic hopes i had for my india experience. you can get whatever you want here. if you want to chill with israeli backpackers there are plenty, if you're looking for some serious yoga action its more than abundant, and beyond that the nature, the bright eyed wise men on the side of the road, the friendly locals who don't seek anything from you other than a smile, the food, THE NATUREEEEEEEEEEE. im in HEAVEN. being really sick has turned out to be a ... read more

the big kesh is the bees knees. being here fulfils every fantasy i had about my experience in india. its exactly everything i love about all the culture, people, spirituality, pace of life, warmth, shanti, , the consistency the river impresses upon everything, the clean, clear air, the outpouring of ideas and identity, this is a place to be lost for sure. im not sure that one can exactly 'find oneself'. this is something that some of my less spiritually inclined friends smirk about and i think to some extent they are very much right. you're not going to find a different self just because you are in new surroundings. the landscape and experiences can only offer you speckles of colour, they are in themselves very much meaningless. the only shift that can happen is through ... read more

its wierd that at the domestic airport in the security check there aer five lines for men and only one for women. so there were maybe 200 men waiting and only around 5 women. this just highlights the gender inequality here in this country. i realise that this is obvious and that there is no point me continuing to look for these examples... what am i achieving? so yeah, im trying to move away from my obsession with the feminist agenda which has consumed so much of my energy of late. i feel that its unhelpful to continue to fixate so heavily on problems and, by things that don't work and rather be more invested in appreciating and being inspired by solutions, and by managing to transcend the separateness, to a level of acceptance. in this ... read more

so much has happened im incredibly behind on updating which is a little disappointing because my time has all been flying by and i would have loved the opportunity to be recording all my impressions rather than being pulled into a whirlwind of intensity. im finding it pleasant to use this as a means of processing my experiences in a way that is meaningful rather than just letting it all wash over me. those of you who know me have likely been privvy to at least one feminist tirade. i thought for a long time that i was one of hte most outspoken, staunch raving mad feminists i knew. i have met my match. my friend who has kindly offered to putme up for the weekend here is an intellingent, empowered, independant woman who doesn't take ... read more

so im quite behind in updating. sorry. so much is happening and i am quite limited in my internet access so its difficult to really keep you all abreast of the developments and magnificent experiences to which i have been privy. ill start with a caste integration day which was arranged by this incredible organisation called Village Action Group. they have set up more than 200 women's self help groups in village areas, often really remote places offering a variety of services and programs including microfinance and training and all these amazing things. so inspired. so basically on saturday one women's group hosted a function to meet with a women's group from a different caste. it was mindblowingly emotional for me. to see the sisterhood that belies any stupid division, however ingrained it might have been ... read more

im wondering whether i have missed my calling in life. it seems being a kindergarten teacher would be the ultimate profession. the only thing is that because im only a volunteer, there is no issue with me nodding off for the whole of nap time. somehow i think that if this were my real job it wouldn;t be acceptable. so i catch the bus in the monring outside the local bank in the main street of the village with all these kids who are barefoot, tanned, relaxed and excited about going to school. im organising an intensive ten day yoga work shop becaues my host mother has gone to speak to her guru for me and he said he'll come to our village just for me if i can get three people who are intersted. looks ... read more