sioted

As I walked in a large Ho Chi Minh City park this morning a Vietnamese woman approached me to say, "With your beard like that, you look like Chuck Norris." First, I am honored that after two months of not shaving I resemble a legendary man rumored not to shave with a razor, but rather a swift roundhouse kick to his own face; because nothing can cut Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris. Second, I am dishonored that my country's greater contributions to the world must share a spotlight with drivel such as the Total Body Gym and Walker Texas Ranger. ... read more

As a little girl raised in a Chinese household she believed in the centuries-old beliefs of her parents and parents' parents and so on. During certain holidays her mother dolled her up in fine red silk dresses. She especially loved to celebrate the moon festivals in which offerings of food, drink, and fortune are made to the gods which lived on the moon. As she recalls these childhood memories she tucks graying hair behind an ear. It was so long ago that she abandoned the red silk dresses. The best part of the Autumnal moon festival was watching her father light the incense, she explains that the rising smoke helped to carry the spiritual offerings of her father's best rice wine and mother's doughy moon cakes up to the pale moon which she remembers being in ... read more

I remember being an American outdoor-kid. In fields or woods we built forts, dug holes to China, buried stuff. Once my grade school buddy, Brian and I, discovered an arrowhead while trundling through a nearby farmer's field. With only minor understanding of DO NOT ENTER and our heads hidden well below the yellowing tips of pre-August corn we played among the even rows until mothers' calls to dinner or the sound of a tractor scattered us into the thicket. This arrowhead, my first, Brian, a more avid trundler insisted that he'd seen plenty like this one before, after a spit shine was dull gray with flecks of white. It had an uneven ridge down the middle where the scultper had chipped carelessly. Crouched on worn out jean's knees, we admired our native treasure fingering its jagged ... read more

Like an Epileptic semi-truck driver, Lonely Planet guide books deliver the goods almost everytime. Two LP tips which have really paid off in Hanoi are 1) Mao's Red Lounge bar and 2) Weasel-Shit Coffee. Mao's Red Lounge bar was decorated with ratty teak furnature and Chinese propaganda posters. While listening to American classic rock hits I wet the whistle with a few $2.00 White Russians, Siobhan enjoyed her usual Gin-Tonic. Only thing missing was a comfy opium bed; still, a totally rad place. Thanks LP. Weasel-Shit Coffee. It's true. Vietnamese coffee beans passed through a weasel's digestive system and into a coffee cup. It's delicious. At Ca Phe Sen in Hanoi (not an LP suggestion) the coffee is brewed strong. Downside was, after a cup the caffeine-jitters had my jaws grinding like that lonely Speed-freak whose ... read more

"Mom, if Hmong people want to live in America, then why don't they just learn English?" I asked my mother this question sometime during my 3rd grade summer. It was one of those earnest thoughts which kids, filter-less, think out-loud. At the time I was looking down at my feet. They dangled over the mini-van's bucket seat, tiptoes nearly reached the blue carpet floor mat below. If I had been paying attention, rather than admiring my feet, I might have been better braced for the fury. "Teddy!" my mother roared, swatting the steering wheel with a meaty thud, "Do you even know why the Hmong people are here?" This is a good time to mention that some of my mother's features appear sort of leonine. Her head, for example, is crowned with a mane of thick ... read more

Mostly, I would not suggest Cambodia as a tourist destination. Angkor Wat, however I have added to my list of things which I would suggest to all. This list also includes, but is not limited to the following: 1) Vigorously exercise up to the barrier of one's personal vomit threshold, then crossover it* 2) In safe quantities, peer through the doors of alternative perception while exploring the deserts of the great American Southwest 3) Toasted bagel with turkey, hummus, Wisconsin cheddar, tomato, and pickled okra 4) Tolstoy *Consult a physician before conducting any physical activity. My favorite is an all-out sprint over 2000 meters on a rowing machine; that should trigger the 'ole vomiting stimulus so keep a garbage bin close. ... read more