July 4th started with me falling out of my bed. I do 360 mute grabs off 20 foot jumps. I’m contemplating skydiving next weekend. I get flat out rejected by the skankiest broads. When I say a fall, its not one of those pussy “roll-out of bed lie comfortably on the ground whilst still wrapped in your comforter” kind of falls. Not one of those “the day is sunny, the world is beautiful type of roll out of your bed” type falls. It’s a fall. In the never-ending list of shit I can’t stand in Texas, one of them is my [View Full Entry]

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It was Thursday, but since us Americans love celebrating the day white men became “free” from other white men while Native Americans and African slaves looked on from the sidelines, it was a Friday. It’s motherfucking July 4th!! America….FUCK YEAH! As if we needed more of an excuse to drink, a friend’s birthday was July 4th. “We’re getting fucking shitfaced,” we all told each other. We had five types of liquor, Everclear (never drink Everclear) and of course, copious amounts of beer to help us reach our goal. But of course, everyone held back…except yours truly and T-Camp (the black guy [View Full Entry]

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On Wednesday me, Kaz and S&M drove a few miles to a steakhouse and ate a pound of Texan beef each while lamented the lack of sex we’re getting in Texas. The way I figure, I can split this summer into three distinct periods: my time in Montreal (May-June), my time in Texas (June-August) and my time in either NYC, Chicago, Germany or Japan (August-September). And this might sound extremely nerdy, but I see a direct analogy with my sex life with the trilogy of Star Wars. My time in Montreal is “A New Hope”. The “hope” being J-ZN. I discovered [View Full Entry]

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I woke up. I cracked open an eye, then another…except my right eye wasn’t opening. Scared shitless, with my fingers I pried it open…and realized it had been caked shut. With my blood. I navigated back to last night in my memory. Right. After ten minutes of conserving my energy, I peeled myself off the floor. Ok. I looked down at my body. Holy shit. My body looked like camo paint for a St. Louis Cardinals game. Jesus. Head banging from all the things I had done the night before, I staggered into the common room, grabbed some towels, wet them [View Full Entry]

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Yesterday afternoon I was pumped. I was finally going to meet some new people. I was going to the Texas A&M Japan Club’s intramural soccer game. Hopefully, there would be at least one female. Hopefully, it would lead to something. Hopefully, it would not be another dead end in a summer filled with them. Backtracking a little, the reason I was going to this soccer game in the first place was because I have so much time on my hands (work is usually from 10am-4pm, and other than eating, drinking, shitting and breathing, I have little else to do) so I [View Full Entry]

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Its been four days in Texas and I can’t fucking get used to this place. First off, its physically impossible to live here. Every fucking day its mid to high 90’s, the sun is blazing down and for some reason, its ridiculously humid even though its situated near a desert (but not humid enough to rain). I doesn’t help that I came straight from Montreal (where it was upper 50’s). I have to shower every thirty minutes to scrape off the layer of sweat that forms after the previous shower. If it weren’t for showers, A/C’s and Gatorade, I would’ve emptied [View Full Entry]

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We had a date set up on Friday. Usually when you do something the second, or third, or fourth time, you get used to the idea and with the repetitions comes an easy familiarity. Not with J-ZN. I was as nervous as the first time-what clothes do I wear? What hat do I wear? What shit should I say? Compounded onto these jitters was the constant reminder that I only had 5 days left on this frozen northern tundra and this was the last fucking chance to tell this girl my feelings. I went to a McGill study at 1pm to [View Full Entry]

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Two days ago, Shortstop left Montreal. Even though the things that come out of her mouth are fucking retarded most of the time, she’s an amazing friend. My best female friend up here in Montreal (more by virtue of the fact that 99% of McGill girls are dumb, skanky, white Toronto girls), we’re pretty tight. And I’ve gotten used to her brand of humor—saying retarded things is probably a great way to spice up the biting, witty sarcasm that most of my friends employ. After spending a whole Sunday at Tam-Tams, drinking with Trini-Boy and then running into some friends and [View Full Entry]

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I woke up around 11am, groggy from 5 hours of sleep. Things flooded back to me. Dice…Mexican girls…$60…bikes…roulette…black 6…. Shit. I slammed my head back into my pillow. This is worse than a hangover. Combined, D-German and I had zero dollars. Zero. I guess technically, I had $2.45 residing in my bank account and D-German had some other trivial single digit amount, but we were flat broke. And hosting a goddamn party tonight. I rolled underneath my covers, trying to go back to sleep to escape the reality. But reality won over drowsiness. I had to make this happen! I hopped [View Full Entry]

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This week has been a blur. Last Friday me and D-German hosted a party at our apartment where we gave hamburgers to everyone and they brought beer, we got a little drunk with a select group of people, met our ginger haired Minnesota neighbor with a black grandfather, then when we were cleaning up the mess, we decided to do _______, we were up until 7am, collapsed asleep, then that same evening made dinner for Yuriko (Shortstop) and her roommate, a few days of school blurred past with a few trips to the gym, a few trips to various neighborhoods, a [View Full Entry]

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