“I now thirty-seven in perfect health begin. Hoping to cease not ‘till death.” According to Uncle Walt I have seven years before I even get started. I had a tomato basil sandwich for dinner, I need to buy a new pillow, I need to finish watching the Royal Tennenbaums and I think the Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl. A weird candy they have here, called Bom Bom Bums, like blowpops, but coughdrop flavored. Pretty gross. The psuedo Skittles, Sparkies are good though. In the wake of a Thanksgiving where I skipped dinner had no traditional food at all, [View Full Entry]

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“Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.” ~Kurt Vonnegut. I have officially declared 11:41 the trickiest time of all time due to its visual proximity to 11:11. Making people make wishes for no good reason. It ought to be ashamed of itself. I have a crazy swollen finger from some ferocious insect attack While I Was Sleeping. Kind of like the movie except no Sandra Bullock and the bug didn’t start hooking up with my brother while I was in a coma. Oh, and I never went in a coma. You know how [View Full Entry]

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Me and my class went on a Field trip last Friday. Made me remember why I don’t eat pig. We went to the pens where they raise these pigs and it was about the grossest thing I’ve ever seen. They were inoculating the little ones, one guy would hold a pig up by his ears while it screamed in a very human fashion at the top of its piglet lungs and another guy would stab it with a syringe. It was kind of like Requiem For a Dream, but the pigs don’t end up losing their arm. Or as far as [View Full Entry]

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Something difficult; teaching the meaning of the vocabulary word “dishwater” to a bunch of young patricians. Dishwasher is a person, who neither they nor their parents have even been, and this makes it a little difficult. I finally just explained that it’s one of the reasons that while poor people stink, sometimes their hands smell good. Does anyone else think Velcro sounds like a bucket of water hitting the ground? Another teacher here, Brian, and his wife, the child psychologist for primary, are having a baby. Funny thing, any days he takes off get deducted from [View Full Entry]

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Jesus lost the election. At a catholic school no less. Some general thoughts on flying. 1. I really like it. It never seems to matter where I’m going or why. 2. Sitting in the aisle is hilarious if only because of the amount of ass that rubs your shoulder. Especially when an older lady in linen pants bookends it with her cheeks. 3. Bickering elderly couples talking over each other, having two different conversations with me at the same time is difficult to follow in English, impossible in Spanish. 4. The Atlanta airport has these glass rooms where people sit and [View Full Entry]

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So today was Tight Pants Thursday, no one has sported pants like me today since Dokken broke up. Good thing about wearing super tight pants is that nothing falls out of your pockets, what goes in stays in, they’re like Vegas. I can appreciate this since a sizable bit of this Colombian monopoly money fell out of my pocket in a cab not long ago. I’m thinking of making a street dog coffee table book, just in case when you have kids you need to induce vomiting, you can just crack that mother open and bam, saves you a trip to [View Full Entry]

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May the wind take your troubles away My curtainless, tvless, largely furnitureless urban camping experience continues. You should stop by the school and see all the “Vote for Jesus!” Signs. Or “Vota Jesus!” to be more exact. Turns out there is a kid named Jesus running for vocero* (basically class president). He also happens to be the cutest little 2nd grade midget ever. What’s funny is he’s not the shortest kid in his class, but man he will be. I feel like when I’m in the shower that someone kindly translated the handle for me. You [View Full Entry]

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Every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time First thing, soccer is pretty freakin’ entertaining when you know the rules. I recently had one of my more exciting sporting moments in which I was an active participant (coaching counts right?). My 4A class came back from a 3-0 halftime deficit to win with the 4-3 game winner with like 20 seconds left, to defeat our archrivals, 4B. I’m a great motivator. My teams got no quit in them. I’m like Herm Edwards except I manage the clock better. Thus referring back to my true love American football. Thing about th [View Full Entry]

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My Triumphant Return I officially return to the beloved Colombian coast to once again be ensconced in the absence of timeliness or responsibility. I plan on again helping my dear friend Horatio Magellan Crunch fight off the barefoot pirate, Jean LaFoote. Santa Marta doesn't have the defensive capabilities of Cartagena I know, nor anyone so valiant as their diminishing hero, Don Blas de Lezo (he lost his right arm in the battle of Barcelona, his leg in the battle of Gibraltar, his left eye in the battle of Toulon, and his life beating incredible odds repelling a British invasion [View Full Entry]

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