My new strategy is dancing. This morning I turned up the itunes and danced by myself to Public Enemy and Shakira. It warmed me up, and it’s hard to feel depressed when dancing. I am really having trouble snapping out of this. I am not a person prone to depression—I usually have a couple of bad days and snap out of it, but I can’t seem to dig myself out of this. Yesterday was the first day I actually started thinking about coming home early. I don’t even know what’s causing it anymore, because no matter what I do, it doesn’t go away for more than a few hours at a time. Like Ken said this morning, you can’t expect to throw yourself into a world of poverty and to have all the skills to deal ... read more

More drama in the life of Dinesh and Renuka. Saturday night Dinesh and Bom went to the airline office to stand on line at 3am so that they would be sure to get plane tickets for the kids to fly back to the village during their school break. I guess the line starts getting long at 5am, so they headed out at 3am to make sure to get a good place. But before they could even reach the office, they were attacked and robbed. The robbers had big khukuri knives, so there was little they could do to protest. Dinesh lost his cell phone, $400 in cash, and his American debit card. Bom also lost his cell phone and suffered a cut to the chin bad enough for him to go to the hospital to get ... read more

My mood dipped again for a couple of days. I think the cold is partly to blame. All I want to do is stay in bed or remain under blankets on the couch watching TV. That’s not good for my motivation, and then lying around for too long is not good for my mental health. Today I finally got myself together and forced myself to be productive. I spent the morning catching up on emails, and all afternoon was spent writing. I was productive, and now I am happy. I really am happier when I am busy. I think that’s often why I keep myself going at breakneck speed. Less time to be caught in my spiral of thoughts that way. I stopped by the beauty shop today to visit Bindya and Teena. Teena wasn’t there, ... read more

I feel better today. I had a good, long cry yesterday, read some of my book on happiness by the Dalai Lama, and felt a lot better afterwards. The internet guys finally showed up late in the afternoon and hooked up the expensive satellite internet, which is actually faster than the cable, so I don’t care about the price. And using Skype is much better with this connection, so talking to my parents and brother was not the usual chore. I also got a new refrigerator thanks to my landlord, so now my food won’t be frozen every time I go for it. It ended up being a pretty good day in the end. And my stomach is feeling better, so I guess it was just the spicy veggies. But every time things get a little ... read more

You know it’s cold when you can see your breath inside, or you don’t want to change your clothes because you fear the cold air hitting your skin, or you sleep with a bottle of hot water to help warm the bed. My space heater is pretty much worthless since there is no insulation, and the floors are concrete underneath the thin green carpet. Today it’s not so bad—I’m only wearing 3 layers. I’m in diarrhea territory again. Popping pepto bismal like their candies, hoping it will pass in a day or so. I don’t know if it’s a slip up with water or Sita’s spicy veggies, and I don’t care. All I know is it’s part of living in Nepal, and I’m tired of it. I just read the other day that dehydration due to ... read more

I learned a lot of amazing things about Sita this morning. I don’t know how the conversation started, but she started talking to Sushila about her life back in the village as we were finishing my Nepali lesson. She told Sushila that she was married when she was 9 years old to her cousin (the maintenance guy/grounds keeper), who was 14 at the time. An arranged marriage, of course. Sita said she didn’t even realize she was married until she called for her mother to come to bed with her, but of course she wasn’t coming back. Sita said it wasn’t for about 5 months after the marriage (after she had gotten her first period) that her aunt/mother-in-law made her sleep in the same bed as her husband. She had never been taught about sex, so ... read more

Sita, my didi, was on call for me all day. Kind of awkward for me, since I never had house help before and am not good at giving orders (to anyone other than Ken). She showed up around 10am ready to accompany me to Bhat Bhateni to help me shop for all of the necessities—rice, lentils, cumin, tumeric, potatoes, garlic, etc. She speaks no English, so she basically would point at things she thought I needed and I would say okay. We bought enough vegetables to give me enough to eat for a week, all for about $5. I even bought expensive rice and sunflower oil, and still the total bill for everything I need for the house (dish soap, laundry soap), spices, rice, various lentils, organic Nepali honey, bread, and veggies was only around $40. ... read more

I moved into the new place, and I’m loving my first night here. It’s cold since I have no heat (except for an electric heater), and my toaster over doesn’t seem to be working, but otherwise I think it’s going to be fun. The hot water works, I have cable (which includes BBC, CNN, HBO, and Friends with Arabic subtitles), and my new didi is available anytime I want since her family lives in the compound, although I only officially employ her 3 days per week. She helped me unpack today—she lined up all of my books on the shelf under the TV and put all of my toiletries (including pantiliners and deodorant) on the shelf in the shower. She comes tomorrow at 11am to go shopping with me for vegetables, and then she will make ... read more

Maybe it’s my imagination, but I think I’m being served less food now since I refused to pay more money. Yesterday Renuka said they wouldn’t give me breakfast the mornings I go to yoga, only tea. Not a huge deal, since breakfast on yoga days was late, followed by lunch only a couple hours later. But I’ve been going to yoga for about 6 weeks now. Coincidence? And since things went down, they’ve only been serving me dhal bhat or chapati and curried potatoes. Yesterday I wasn’t even offered seconds of veggies, only rice. But I’m trying to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing. And we’re still having a party on Saturday for my birthday (I’m paying for the food). But I found a new place to live yesterday and will move within ... read more