HolidayShameAndEmbaressment

We went on a fucking pirate fish picnic today. You should be jelous as fuck. We got on the wrong boat but it ended up being the sexy party boat-they kept giving us tequila and wine at nine in the morning. I was most impressed. I also ate a lot of fish. Harriet was unimpressed with the fish, but I was most delighted even though i find most fish vile. There were a couple drunk grannies and dodgy questionable gold digging whores who were with morbidly obese guys with growths on their chests-they seemed very uncomfortable with the whole ordeal. They also kept playing pirate music which repeated cunt and alcohol frequently. When we arrived on the island, we purposley had some time at an internet cafe so we wouldnt be too early before our check ... read more

It's been quite a gap again. So we got the most dodgy night train from Serbia which was about 16 hours long. For the first 7 or so hours we had to share cabins with a dodgy French couple who were fucking annoying but who found Matt's melted chocolate fiasco amusing. (He couldn't find food at the station because he's retarded so he just bought Clipsies and chocolate). Also, we fucking love Clipsies. After the French fucked off we military secured the cabin to ourselves and played strong sexy stud cards whilst getting hammered to our hearts content. We then had some form of semi-retarded philosophical conversation about everything in the world. We arrived in Brela hungover and confused about our lives, made even worse by the terror of securing bus tickets from split to Brela. ... read more

After our nighttrain in a very quaint harry potter train, which involved a lot of head outside the window action, we arrived in serbia where we were immediately greeted by bombed buildings and harriets lost phone turmoil. We decided to do absolutely fuck all and have an extreme lie in to help recover (after harriet tramped around for a while trying to cancel her phone in a place where public phones do not exist). We discovered the wonders of adventure time on a really extreme cartoon channel. Once we had sorted our lives out we decided that it would be an excellent idea to go bungee jumping as its so fucking cheap here. We attempted to get there in a tram, but somehow ended up in some eastern european shrubbery under a gigantic half built motorway ... read more

We have very divided opinions about this place, but we both agree that our time spent in Ljubljana was borderline horrific. Harriet - Ljubljana could be quite a nice place. Not great, not even good really, just nice. If you're old and like to drink tea and sit around, you'd like this place. If you like doing actual things, don't ever, ever go to Ljubljana. We ended up running out of things to do in a capital city within about an hour and a half. We went to see the castle but it was bullshit, though we agreed that the "pentaganol tower" was aptly named. There was some child art on display. After we ran out of things to do, we sat on the grass outside the castle for about 2 hours, then spent ages looking ... read more

Well, it's been a while. Italy was sexy. We first arrived in Florence and went for a meal at mama Tuscana's. The waitress was a right babe and was probably the only non-angry Italian to ever exist. She even kept the resturant open longer than it should have been and wished us' good luck with everything we ever do, ever'. After, we went for a stroll and came across the Duomo (I think that's what it's called) which was hugely impressive. I think visiting Florence is worth it just for that building, it's pretty ridic. (Matt - its really, really not!) When we got back to our hotel room we watched 'Deejay TV' and discovered that the air conditioning leaked like a bitch. Every now and then it would just go mental and start dribbling all ... read more

Offense caused to locals - 1/10 (They were so nice! apart from some bitch in Lidls) Time spent remarking how scenic things are - 10/10 Ghostly experiences - 10/10 Shame experienced - 2/10 (Because of the bitch in Lidls) Blackness - 3.5/10 Deviant behaviour - 2/10 Total amount of time spent drunk - 4/10 Amount of food stolen by scenic mice - 7/10 Amount of Chinese mice related terror - 10/10 Amount of Korean angst - 9/10 Overall enjoyment - 8.5/10 Pro's - Harriets knife, The scenery, The hot tub, The lakes, The locals!, Death mountain Con's - How expensive it is, Clara von bitch, How massive the note denominations are, Koreans... read more

So the club in Balmers was packed with about 5 people. We managed to have a good night though as we recruited 3 Americans to play ring of fire with our Strong Sexy Stud cards and got suitably drunk. This helped Matt to calm his rage over the hoards of Koreans who he is now intolerant of. They stole his adaptor for gods sake! They were massive plug sluts too, with a thousand adaptors attached to a thousand more adaptors. The next day we both felt really weird. Not hungover, just weird. We did washing and other housewife duties and I got my beloved knife (that I bought yesterday) engraved with the word "Clara" so I will never forget the horrors of torture mountain. I wanted "Clara von skank" but the knife is too small, its ... read more

Before arriving in switzerland, we took an extreme nighttrain from amsterdam - interlaken. We were expecting a harry potter-esque train, but we had these dodgy giant claw like seats all down one of the carriages. It was pretty cool - being drunk also may have helped, and also the guy behind us playing the ukelele. After a few hours of sucessfully enjoying lots of cheap wine, we actually managed to sleep on the nighttrain, which is not what I was expecting. We then had to change as Basel, which is on the swiss german border to board our very photogenic train to Interlaken! First we hung around the centre of the town for hours which was amazing - its so chilled out and relaxing being surrounded by all the mountains, with super clear lakes weaving through ... read more

After the previous night of ridiculousness, Matt didn't emerge until 1 in the afternoon. jade and I taunted him with glee. We decided to wander around Vondlepark for the afternoon which was pleasant, before heading back to the Hostel to piss off the staff by making them serve us water. We decided that as it was Jades last night with us, we should go for a nice relaxing meal and then get really, really high. Good plan. We ended up settling for a Thai place that was actually quite cheap considering its amsterdam and you have to sell your soul just to go to the toilet. We then found a nice dodgy coffeeshop and went to town. I got paranoid about literally everything. People in the hostel laughed at my red eyes which made it even ... read more

Oh my god this place is a mess but in such a good way! Nobody cares about anything. You can purchase sex, weed, alcohol and giant black dildos with absolute ease at all times of the day but finding basic daily necessities such as bread is a mighty quest. How do these people stay alive!? We started the day with an exciting visit to the central station to book our night train (that's gonna be a mess) to switzerland. Then we accidentally found the red light district, which is the best little canal/ street/ road of shame in the entire world. Matt was enticed by an elderly prozzie blowing kisses at him. The erotic museum seemed like a really good idea, so we payed and immediately saw a woman being sexually assulted by a bicycle and ... read more