http://www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/Elicit/ Travel adventures in journals and photos from Elicit en-us Sat, 11 Oct 2008 07:11:03 BST Sat, 11 Oct 2008 07:11:03 BST amidst nailpolish remover pimple cream chapstick antiperspirantold clothing camera batteries puff paint dirtydishespencils paper clips multivitamins lamp posts and all the other crap at my deski am just thinking.should be packing.i can't help but wonderwhat role espana plays. eurocup leaderantiimmigrant beaconcatalyst for my first feature film.what does it mean for me to be here http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/blog-293482.html i'm pretty sure that after the breaki sweated every tear i had inside of me.wore every wound blushing until i couldn't breathe.oxidized my heart so it would carbonize cold.i'm pretty sure that after the breaki was broken. like shards of metal.hard. cold. greening. but in this madrid heat i'm as sure as sure can be that warmth brings life into my veinspumps the pressure highgathers greens http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/blog-291279.html It's June 17I sit in a dimlit bedroommeasured here in a standard of sum metersmy lights are brokeni pay too little in rent for anyone to fix themthe piso is emptyeveryone in this city is at a bar or at plaza de colon watching the gamei am anxious.eye sight badly blurred.best friend ill on her birthday.i am full from eating too fast.my heart pumps racingi feel coffee breath vomit in the ba http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/blog-288559.html 17 more days to be filled withphotographsvideoquestionsspanishnew roomatesold roomatesprofessorsold crushesgood friendspolitical partieswith the intentionof getting some answersas to why this city is soxenaphobicantisemeticracisteuropeani am making my moviefinallyafter months of waitingletting it sit heavy on my wheeling cerebral scrollsi am acting on it and not in it8 interviewsediti http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/blog-288008.html i would rather be honest and deadthan hiding lying and living. and soi continueand will continueto wear unwavering vulnerability on my potmarked skin until the ashes shake me to nothingnessand injure these already open lips in the struggle to speak words heavy with unhibited hit or missreject meif you must or if you wanti simply may not be the one for youor this might not be the timeyou http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/blog-284570.html tonightfinals loomingi watched it for the first time since i left. only this timeapart from our eggplant colored kitchen couch and the san francisco smoggy skyline visible from french glass doors before my gardeni was seated on our yawning yellow love seatsqueezed between ice creams and screeching cries of aspeta aspeta i need to pee'ssurrounded byromasardiniasan diegosevillai'm j http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/Madrid/blog-279480.html Egyptcharcoal outlined almond eyespower of staring behind thick lashes and ashey skinthere is force behind the lurid tounge and muscled fingers that grasp you tight. merchants scream obscenitiesamidst the trafficeverything is a shad of beigethe colors blur next to the bread stands and trash packs. allah looms overblackned veils thrown carfully around throbbing proteined buns. my white shoes http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/Madrid/blog-278781.html From the moment I breathe life into lyricAlguien me pregunta de donde soyEven if my accent is perfectMy grammer accidentally flawless for a momentThere is way that my mouth moves awkwardOr my hands stop gesturingOr my ideas feel strangeSuch thatEveryone knowsFrom the moment I breathe life into lyricThat I am not homeI do not belongSoy extranjera. Extranjera has always been my favorite http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/Madrid/blog-272456.html I am herePassport and mother boundI am walking the too cold streets of BerlinCity of historyCity of deathAlongside a childmother and dark skinned brotherWe rarely fit together much lessHereI leave tomorrowPoemlessAnd heartachedCold to the boneRestless and coffee pot jittersI have not cried hereNot for the 6 million Jewsor the Two Million OthersI have stepped on steel faces and liste http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Germany/District-of-Berlin/Berlin/blog-259331.html one day after the christian celebration of and one day before the public drunken commemoration ofi am sitting internet ready in a temple of barswaitingfor friends to call me backfor the wind to stop beckoning so violentlyi am thinking of joyce and ulyssesof van morrisson and U2of all the ways blue eyes can stare into youit's so different hereso beer drunk hereso baby guinessso little to http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Ireland/County-Dublin/Dublin/blog-256742.html talkinglaughingexploringtogether we are siblings in our own imagined paradiseit is darkand we are toothe palm trees are realand we are consumed with intoxicating 34 in 1 spices cartoonish bargaining and our own faces in the brown crowd.we are not thembut we are not justtravelersadventurersthinkersstudentsfamilyfor now we settle in between a home and a transiencesecurity and trans http://www.travelblog.org//Africa/Morocco/Marrakech-Tensift-El-Haouz/blog-250824.html laughing my ears offi walked into lived in couches and highly necessary hash bluntsand proceeded to adore a sarcastic dark italian girl with perfect spanisha lacivious light blond italian boy with dark chest hairand a dreamy spanish twenty something who makes filmsand loves italian filmmaking.at lasti found my perfect roomates.AND hours lateri was offered the placetook itand guess what f http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/Madrid/blog-239961.html it is tricky herewordstalking to friends for the first time in four monthswhat to sayit is tricky.over skype.and in spanish.it is more than trickyit is hardto not be wittyfunnydeepit has less to do with distancei thinkit is more than thataboutnot having wordsnot having the right wordsnot knowing the translationi have always been a poet ya know.okaynot always.but since my sophomore yea http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/Madrid/blog-229943.html nobody told me1 pixels and time lags this will be a your reality. prepare to forget faces the way you loved them. 2 there will be no ocean no water body to stare at. prepare for cold toes and hindered imagination.3 you will lose things. more importantly people you love. sometimes relationships don't work over distance. 4 you will stuggle to find yourself in a different identity. even your http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/blog-227303.html tell mewhy i can flux the timeline inside avid and final cuttelescope or widelensfrom 48 in the afternooncada diabut i cant begin to manipulate the way the hours tick here.tell mewhy the days are so longin this winter freezeand the metro is so speedyand the months are invisiblesomebodytell mehow to not let time play tricks on memoryhow to read the paper cautiouslyremember it's just a d http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/blog-221045.html todayi found out that i am waterfull of saltpouring from eyesinduced by emailstoo far awayand so out of touchthat old loves die hardagainst hardened heartsand pleas of moving on. todayi found out that i am water.that i am here for no one reason.that if you ask me i can't tell you why i came.todayi found out that i am waterliving in a city without a sourcei still flowagainst strong so http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/San-Marino/blog-218818.html madrid san sebastian granada. peep it. http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/Madrid/blog-215072.html home meansbuying my groceries almost daily from supersol up the block.washing my clothes and pretending like the clothesline is superior to the dryer oh environment how i love theewalking forty five minutes to school listening to my ipod there and walking 45 minutes back ears out trying to figure out what makes me look the most spanish and what allows me to hear the most spanish.means b http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/Madrid/blog-213500.html So I have the bootsAnd the bangsThe leather bagThe long faceThe wavey hairI've stopped taking pictures in publicStopped asking questions about itAnd frankleyI know more Spanish history than the average kid in my classDios Mio JesusCristoI look the partApart from some extra kilos Read the textsIt just takes a long timeI've stopped asking so many questionsI'm starting to understan http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/Madrid/blog-209873.html Breathing inciggarete toxinsprejudicejazz clubspolitical conversationsnew roomatescommunist parties ehem i mean...the communist partyattractive menanarchist ideasfilms budding in heaving brain andspanish but a lot of broken english toodrinking upfast and hard shitsometimes running and running my mouth offwheezing hurlingtrying to stay healthyeven though everyone here drinks http://www.travelblog.org//Europe/Spain/District-of-Madrid/Madrid/blog-208818.html