A unique feature of the Australian mainland is that a hefty chunk of the country apparently does not really exist. Only a tiny fraction of the population lives in The Real Australia, the remainder happy to inhabit an imaginary wonderland which lies in a narrow strip between The Real Australia and the sea. It's only a matter of time before some kid has an Emperor’s New Clothes type revelation and the rest of us come to regret forking out quite so much on real-estate in Never-Never land, as the whole edifice evaporates and we tumble into the ocean. Come to think of it, current global events may well indicate that it’s a point we’ve already reached. The Real Australians won’t mourn the loss of these fictitious lands for long, I suspect, inhabited as they are by ... read more

It’s pretty hard to get worked up about a place that even its own tourist brochures describe as ‘desolate’. At least you know in the Northern Territory, they pull no punches. This is typical of the straight-talking Territorians, rough-as-guts hard-working types who drink Piss and shit in the outdoor dunny. Even most of the women round here look like the kind of blokes who’d have to fly-in a wife from the Philippines. Some of em probably do. There’s only two places visitors generally head for in the Territory, Ayer’s Rock (some of you may remember it from my last blog. Nice place. You really should go!) and Kakadu National Park. Unfortunately both Debbie and I had independently visited them both in our previous lives as backpackers, and were keen to motor on to pastures new, so ... read more

Now, you know you’re something pretty special when folks start referring to you by just the one name. Thus we have such luminaries as Madonna and Kylie, The Queen, Britney and Elvis, doubly special as he’s also just The King. No-one ever interrupts mid-sentence to ask “I’m sorry, Jesus Who?” And then there’s the Big Man himself. As far as I’m aware, God doesn’t even have a second name, making his initials simply “Gee”, particularly apt if you happen to be from the Bible belt. Such was the case with the first destination on our intrepid travels, known in these parts simply as The Cape. For those not in the know its full name is Cape York, the triangular pointy bit on Australia’s north-east corner. It’s a pretty big place, but as nobody really lives there ... read more