Wat's doing

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May 8, Chiang Mai

Did seven hours of meditation today. Never thought I'd ever do that. Used to struggle with 20 minutes. We've all discussed our experiences, though our instruction book says not to. But I think we'd go mad otherwise. Ellie is going slightly mad anyway, with visions of pigs in leopard-print bikinls.

Can understand why we're not allowed TV, internet etc. The idea is get rid of the crap floating around in our minds, and an hour of TV can probably fill my mind with enough crap to keep it fidgeting for a year or two. This is brain detox - braitox.

We are talking less, though Ian is a rather chatty man. I suggested he embarked on a career as talk show host, but he said that would be doomed because he'd never let anyone else say anything.

On the third day Ian tells me Martin left the day before. We don't know why and we are desperate to know. Claudia finally says Martin told her that he disapproved of religion and he thought Buddhism was exploiting the poor, but she said this was an excuse really. We think he didn't like being told what to do.

Claudia also says Martin 'is a distraction' and she is going back to Pai to spend time alone. She also manages a couple of out-of-body experiences, and gives Diana and I a blessing one night. My body surged in a rather unexepected way when she placed her hands on my head - but not in a bad way.

You would never do this to a Thai - touching them on the head is considered very impolite.

I think I am getting the hang of this intensive meditation, possibly because there is nothing else to do, but on May 11 I sleep badly, have diarrhoea, my nose is constantly blocked and my right knee is a joint of pain. During a few fitful moments of slumber I dreamt I was working for American Vogue, ticked off a horrible girl and had to find a box of Fanta.

My bathroom was full of ants when I arrived, but I blocked one of their highways with a tissue and the insect count had decreased (not allowed to kill them). But now I have new insects, most of which are on the bed. Why?

Sitting meditation also seems to aggravate a number of ailments:
sore right leg (knee and ankle principally)
nose
congested throat
heat rash (elbows, wrists, ribcage, knees)
general itchiness
hair in my face (the aggravation could drive to me murder insects and more).

Not feeling positive now. The others are retreating into themselves and I want to ask Ian what the new guy who makes me think of monkeys is like.

I have no patience and no insights - all I have is an inexhaustible supply of snot.

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