The World's Worst Fortune Teller

I think her name was Thuy. She spoke little English, and had a very thick accent. She walked the streets in the back packer district of Ho Chi Minh City telling fortunes with cards. I had noticed her several times. We may have spoken in passing.

One day I was sitting at Kim Cafe with a few Australian English teachers who were unwinding after classes ended. Thuy came by and offered to tell our fortunes. Someone at the table accepted the offer. She sat down and began shuffling, fanning, cutting, and reshuffling the cards. She dealt them out in a certain way, then reshuffled, and re-dealt. She was talking non-stop in Vietnamese. After going through the motions a few times, she told her customer what the cards revealed.

I decided to have my fortune told. She went through her ritual and told me I could look forward to happiness, love, money, and good health. The usual fortune teller b.s. I thanked her and paid her. I think her fee was 50,000 dong (about 3.00 USD). I also bought her a Coke, which I knew was her drink of choice. I felt generous because my future looked so bright.

The next day I was at my friend Nam’s house. He lived in a small apartment on the fourth floor of a run down building. There was a toilet off the kitchen, and a little pee hole upstairs. Nam’s wife was in the kitchen so I went up the stairs to the pee hole.

You do not wear shoes in the house in Vietnam. My sandals were left outside the door. I was barefoot. I climbed the painted wooden stairs to the upstairs toilet. Next to the pee hole was a bucket of water with a ladle. After you finished urinating you were supposed to take a ladle of water and rinse around the pee hole and your feet. There was a little mat outside the toilet room to dry your feet.

After doing my business, I ladled the water around the pee hole and washed my feet. I stepped out of the toilet area onto the mat to dry my feet. I guess I did not get my feet dry enough because as I was going down the steps, my foot slipped, and I came down hard onto the next step. Pain shot through my leg.

To get to the end of this story, I ended up at the hospital where I was x-rayed. The doctor said I had broken my heel in 2 places. I would need an operation to fix it. He put a temporary cast on my leg, and I left. I was scheduled to return in 2 days for the operation.

The next day I hobbled around on crutches. I didn’t get far from my guest house when I decided to rest at a cafe. As luck would have it, my fortune teller came by. I invited her to have a Coke. While she drank it I peppered her with questions about the good health and good luck I was supposed to have. How did a broken heel equate to good health and good luck, and so no. She was a good sport and accepted my teasing with good humor.

Since that day Thuy and I have several many Cokes. She continues to accept my teasing with a smile. I have not asked her to tell my fortune again.

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