Big cats and useless hats......

Damn!!! I got sunburnt something rotten today. Despite me wearing, what my dear Mumsie would term as 'sensible clothing' (and no I'm not refering to a pair of bell bottomed jeans she bought me back in 1977 and 'still' haven’t managed to grow into yet!) I still came away from our day out looking like a Swedish crayfish after an hour of boiling away with several sprigs of the finest Swedish dill. I burnt my head too... God knows how, I had a cap on all day long! Even my esteemed colleague Mark was made to suffer in a similar way.... I put it down to cheap hats imported from God knows where, that quite simply offer no resistance to UV rays whatsoever.
Now obviously, the militant environmentalists, tax grabbing politicians and the other sheep who follow them will tell us that this is all down to the effects of man made global warming, however, what they don’t seem to appreciate is that there is something more ominous going on, a problem of epic proportions exists that should really concern us. The fact of the matter is that imported goods no longer seem to be up to the task of protecting us from what is effectively, a nuclear powered ball of fire and I think it's time that someone introduces some kind of legislation that allows us to test products and materials that are supposed to protect us from this raging inferno in the sky!!!
Lets get Elf n Safety involved, God they would have a field day. Mind you, they would probably just end up banning us all from going outside between sunrise and sunset, unless of course we are wearing a full NBC suit. We will all have to go on a NBC suit adornment seminar followed by a practical assessment and of course, we will not be allowed to climb ladders, use a vacuum cleaner or make a cup of tea while wearing one, unless we go on the relevant training courses that is......... Shame really, I could of done with one of those suits today!!!
It seems that the sun has always been here going through phases of getting hotter and cooler and this is caused by more or fewer sunspots, so why cant we just accept this??? I mean I dont want to bang on about the us having to pay an extra (and unnecessary) 10 zillion quid in so called 'green taxes' on our plane tickets just to fly away on our holidays that we have been saving for all year, but all this tripe about our carbon output being the prime reason behind global warming really does get my back up at times!!!
I really used to hate the word 'synergy' but now there are two words that I have learned to 'hate' more than any other! I cant help but cringe when I hear the words 'carbon footprint'! I'm still trying to figure out why people are paid to sit in dark rooms and think up stupid words and expressions like these? I'm surprised that the 'anti carbon' backroom boys and girls havent just decided to ban everyone from exhaling, that would be the most obvious solution to the so called 'problem'!
Some people are just so selfish and dont think of others. Think of all the wonderful things we would go without if we reduced our carbon output to zero. I defy anyone to say that they have not been moved by the pure, unadulterated power of 4 Rolls Royce Trent 900 Turbofans at full throttle, or been touched by the sound of a V12 engine in a Ferrari, Lamborghini or Aston Martin, or spent a rainy Sunday afternoon in front of the TV, with your feet up, having a few beers while watching F1 racing. I love the climate the way it is, warm, humid and wonderfully extreme at times.... but the problem is, people have become so selfish, worrying about their so called 'carbon footprint.....yahhhh....' that devoted, caring people like Jeremy Clarkson and myself, simply have to go out of our way to make up the shortfall and expel more gases.... and yes, there are millions of us out there who feel the same way. If God was so worried about 'Global Warming' He would of surely done something about it by now!!!
Anyway, I seem to recall that I was writing my blog and it appears that I have gone off on a tangent somewhat...whoops.... in retrospect, I'm sure my frazzled extremities will.... eventually turn a nice shade of wishy washy brown......
So......after stopping off to munch Pho for breakfast (pronounced Faa) we forced our 2 wheeled, road going, 4 stroke lawnmowers (I've set my carburettor to run rich btw...take that you militant environmentalists you :P) to bear us off to Dai Nam. This 'tourist centre' around 40km from Saigon was completed in September last year and comprises a safari park, Buddhist temple and several other attractions such as huge fountains and a scale size mountain range. It even has its very own beach too!!!
The safari park was something else. I have never been so close to wild animals such as lions, tigers and rhino's in my life and while a great deal of thought has been put into keeping the public safe using a variety of safety measures, I did overhear that the park rangers have hit upon an ingenious way of keeping the carnivores placid, they simply keep them well fed and feed them with loopy environmentalists or anybody that bangs on too much about man made global warming...which I think is a wonderful idea :)
So much for trekking around nature reserves looking for big cats in India and Nepal. I should of come straight here and saved myself the bother of long, gut wrenching bus trips, long, painful train journey's and the joy of getting eaten alive by leeches. Then again I suppose it's all part of the travelling experience!
Dai Nam has white lions and tigers, Bengal tigers and they even had a few juvenile tigers that put on a good show. We even got to stroke a rhino and feed a giraffe, so I think I will be giving Kenya a miss, unless of course they can lure me there with the promise of rare or even unknown palm trees :)
The animals seem to be happy too. I have always been an advocate of allowing wild animals to roam freely, especially when many of them roam 100km or more every day in their natural habitats. Thankfully, they seem to have quite a bit of space to be able to do that here.
I've got nothing but respect for these huge and fearsome beasts, which is more than I can say for the domestic animals that abound here! The Vietnamese eat dogs and after living here for several weeks I can't say I blame them. At the rear of my house there are two dogs that bark incessantly all night long, so, we have decided that next week, we are going to have a good ol' Vietnamese steak out and stick them on the barbecue....
If anybody wants to come over for a canine kebab...then you are more than welcome......

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