Bikes, Boats and Beautiful Food

Bikes, Boats and Beautiful Food

As I start to write we are sitting in the Departure Lounge at Danang Airport with 90 minutes to kill. We are leaving Hoi An with mixed feelings - but, as always, full of enthusiasm and eagerly anticipating our new destination: Ho Chi Minh City.

Our arrival in Hoi An was rather stressful, but only because of an administrative error. We had been booked in to the Indochine Hotel on the banks of the river and within walking distance of the beach. But our new guide, Phong, had been told we were in a different hotel back in the town. The consequence of this was twofold: we stayed in a lovely hotel and enjoyed forging an instant, warm relationship with the staff. (Our stay at the Indochine was filled with good natured banter and constant laughter) .Meantime Phong had been planning a walking tour which wasn’t possible from our new location and had to go away to rethink his plans.

We woke early and threw open the shutters to discover a gorgeous view across the river and ponds towards the beach. At breakfast the service was simply superb and a perfectly cooked platter of Eggs ‘n Bacon (proper fried Oink, not rubbery Ham) was despatched with relish :o)

Then came the highlight of the day: Phong decided that we would spend the day on bicycles. Not lumpy great Mountain Bikes, like those we rode in Bangkok, but lovely old Ladies bikes with baskets on the handlebars. Jan loved it!

We pootled off down rough dirt tracks and into the countryside. First stopping point was a local market, with fresh fish and meat for sale - some meat so fresh it was carried off squealing :o) Next: out into the open fields. Wherever we went smiling villagers waved, and shouted “Hello” or “Sin Chow”. The scenery was verdant and spectacular. We saw lush pastures, lakes and ponds. Pedalling gently past many small Vietnamese homes, all with well tended gardens, which resulted in frequent cries of “Stop, Photo!”. A coffee break was taken beside a beautiful lake patrolled by swarms of dragonflies. A lone kingfisher was sitting on the bow of a rowing boat looking for his next meal - and was gone in a dazzling flash of red and iridescent blue when we got too close.

Finally: into Hoi An itself.
And a mixed experience.
The town was ….is ….beautiful and is being carefully preserved in its current form. But its current form consists of tantalising glimpses of beautiful old buildings fronted by shops selling all manner of tourist tat. The streets were wonderfully quiet - all traffic had been banned on the day of our visit - but the streets were not peaceful: Here, more than anywhere in Vietnam, the vendors are vocal and persistent. We strolled around the streets and visited obligatory sights such as the Japanese bridge, but for me there was an artificiality about the whole scene. It lacked the soul and vibrancy of Old Hanoi or the serene charm and beauty of the countryside surrounding.

A meal of White Rose, Wan Ton and Cau Lau is standard tourist fare and so we followed the ritual and ate the same, washed down with ample slugs of local beer. (Later in the day we would eat White Rose again and experience something wholly more satisfying.) It was beginning to pall a little, so we suggested that we might take a boat ride down the river. A great idea, as we were able to chuck the bikes on board and chug along for an hour, watching local river life. Cool, entertaining, wonderful!

The boat hire took every last Vietnamese Dong in my wallet, so we headed back to the Hotel to change some Dollars into VND. This proved to be a major problem for the rest of the day: our dollars were exchanged for eight 100,000 dong notes (the hotel had no smaller) and from that moment we were scuppered! We couldn’t buy a drink or hire a taxi because no-one had change :o( Our friendly hotel manager solved the problem by telling the Hotel Shuttle driver to take us to an ATM - where the next stupid mistake occurred: I pressed a button which I thought said 200,000 dong, expecting to get small denomination notes, but instead pressed for 2,000,000 dong! Out spewed another 20 of those accursed 100,000 dong notes! Another withdrawal finally got us some desired small notes - but now my wallet was stuffed to bursting point with 3 million dong!

There was only one possible solution: we went back to the Hotel for a couple of cocktails, then headed off to a riverside restaurant we had spotted earlier. It was sublime! The grounds were beautifully landscaped - even to the extent of building another Japanese bridge across a stream.

We sat at a table on the banks of the river, watching the lanterns of fishing boats pass by, while attentive staff fed us a superb meal. A Green Papaya Salad was served with a tantalising sauce, full of subtle flavours. Following were White Rose (gloriously stuffed and meltingly light) and a platter of Spring Rolls. (If Spring Rolls sound ordinary… well they ain’t! Vietnamese Spring Rolls come in many styles and sizes, raw, steamed or deep fried. They are simply divine) Next up: Spicy King Prawns and Local crab with Pineapple Rice.
The head waiter served up the crab, carefully cracking the claws, then walked away to confront the Chef. He returned, whipped it away and brought another saying “It didn’t have enough claw meat - I want you to have only the best.”
Finally we rounded off with strawberry cake for Jan and flambé bananas for me. Thick, gooey caramel, drowned in alcohol surrounding the most delicious local grown bananas ….

For the first time we actually cleared every last morsel of food and then lingered, watching the river drifting slowly by. Happy Buddha had a broad smile on his face while Garuda gushed “Isn’t this romantic?”
Oh yes! It most certainly was :o)

Next morning we opted to relax and simply have fun swapping banter with the Manager. Then a final trip to our room ready to check-out …. And a bizarre incident:

We stepped into the lift and pressed 4 for our floor. The bell “donged” and the doors slid open to reveal a monstrous mistachioed hulk of a Frenchwoman blocking our exit. (Think Meatloaf with monstrous boobs and you’ll get the picture) Well, it took an age before this scowling apparition realised she would have to move to let us out before she could get in….and eventually we were able to squeeze past and get to our door. I unlocked and walked in, followed by Jan. We looked around in panic …. our luggage was gone! Not only that, someone else had moved in! Then it dawned on us … we had walked in to room 308, not 408. And, bizarrely, both rooms could be opened with the same key. We fled, expecting to be arrested for pilfering at any moment - or, worse still, to be confronted by Meatloaf :oP

Pong arrived to whisk us away to the airport, stopping for a last coffee en route. The coffee house was actually a beautiful courtyard full of Bonsai and cage birds. I fell in love with a beautiful White Crested Laughing Thrush - it came to meet me and we had a long conversation of tweets, chucks and whistles :o)

The transfer to Ho Chi Minh City was effortlessly smooth and for the first time our Hotel Registration proved to be stress free. So this blog comes to you from our suite in the Chancery Hotel via our own room WiFi.

Off to Dinner - and total motorbike madness. Hanoi was wild but Saigon is much, much worse. With streets three times as wide as Hanoi it’s possible to fit in five times as many motorbikes - all weaving in and out, narrowly missing head-on collisions. We arrived at the restaurant in a state of nervous exhaustion, to enjoy a surreal meal.

The food was served with beautifully carved vegetable ornaments - a pineapple chicken, a cucumber penguin, a chillie lobster. Definitely 9/10 for presentation. Sadly the food was worthy of only 1/10 for achievement. To add to the atmosphere a piano player was grinding away in the background. This wizened old man was Les Dawson reincarnate and proceeded to slaughter “Delila”, “Roll out the barrel” and “Hitler has only got one…”
You couldn’t make it up!

The journey back to the Hotel was a repeat of our Hanoi experience: APEC officials and some CEO’s are transferring to Saigon - hence roads closed, Police everywhere and massive traffic jams.

Finally, when we got back to the Hotel, I walked up to our room and broke off the key in the lock….
You really couldn’t make it up ……

Don’t miss tomorrow’s episode: The Mighty Mekong.

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