Back When I Was In 'Nam

Hanoi-ing

Hanoi is a fascinating city full of excitement and moving at the frenetic pace of a town on the move. It's both wonderful and full of annoyances at the same time. The streets are abuzz with constant motion, and you may cross the street amid a flood of scooters wherever you want, so long as you keep a predictable pace; switch it up and you're street paste. On the one hand you get to see amazing things like the man we saw peeing on a city electrical wire - we took a wide berth around him as we walked past. At one point I looked over and thought "Why is that Swedish girl working here?" Then I realized that she wasn't Swedish, she was an albino. You've got hawkers carrying various fruits and vegetables in a traditional manner, and mo-peds stacked with shocking amounts of carriage.

On the other hand, the Vietnamese are quite a dour people, from what I witness on the street, compared to the peoples of other Asian countries I've visited. Several of which are none too bothered to give you inadequate change, and then claim you didn't understand the price. I ended up paying

Lao Cai
It is so worth the 12km-ish walk under the blazing sun and scortching heat for the beautiful views you can find in the mountainous region surrounding Sapa.

almost 6 dollars for about 8 small bananas and two pictures. She claimed the price was 50,000 which I thought was outrageous, and finally, gudgingly, I agreed and gave her 100,000. Then she had the nerve to give me 10,000 back. After a several minutes of arguing she gave me 10,000 more and took off. I was pissed off, and probably should have stalked her for the rest of the night fending westerners off to teach her a lesson, but I didn't think of it in time. If Darren and I see her again, we may do just that.

One of the great things is the food. It's so cheap and good. We generally feed ourselves in the city for about $2 together for a bowl of pho, actually pronounced roughly - Pheuhhh? We don't reallyhave thesound in English, except maybe when you try to pretend you're gagging like Jim Carey ... that might come close. In one funny moment, the woman at the pho shop tried to take a candid photo of Darren's attempt to use chop sticks. His learning curve has been steep and looks quite natural with them after only a few days. The first day was pretty funny though.

Another great part of Hanoi is that the students are very excited to speak English with you. I suspected one might have had a slight case of mental retardation when he was talking to me, but when he told me he was going to business school, I decided he just considered me a kind of English proficiency celebrity.

Water Puppetry in Hanoi: Mesmorizing, Curious, Disturbing?

The water puppetry, which is considered a must see in Hanoi, is certainly a sight to behold. For little more than a dollar, you can sit in the cheap seats, which I suspect are in whatever row is behind the last dummy to pay for the premium seats. It is interesting, even mesmerizing, to watch, if baffling to decipher at times, not really knowing Vietnamese. The art is meant to depict festivals, mythologies, and daily life in the villages. From the standpoint of an outsider, one could draw some interesting conclusions and come away with some strange lessons from the scenes.

Lessons mis-learned from the ignorant water puppetry viewer about Vietnam:

• It's a cat-eat-duck, man-drown-cat, fish-sinks-man's-boat world out there.
  
• If you catch a tiger
  
  Temple of Literature
  How could I not appreciate atemple dedicated to the art of the learned?
  by it's tale, you better have brought a friend to distract it with ping-pong racquets.
  
• People who ride in dragon boats should bring a feather with them in case a turtle comes to collect tribute.
  
• It is more difficult to catch a wary fish than an unsuspecting man with a basket.
  
• Synchronized swimming was a favoured pastime of the albinos of Vietnam
  
• Never swim with carp!
  
• Peacocks love their children too, Sting.
  
• Male thongs were not as disturbing in the past as they are today.
  

It is a must see!

Ho Chi Minh's Mausoleum - Dizzying!

If there was a theme song to be played for our experience at Ho Chi Minh's mausoleum it would be Blues Traveler's "Run Around." We started off by crossing several military blockades. Darren found it annoying that I persisted in trying to cross them. I merely found it instructive. Learning that they gently wave you away rather then, say, threaten to impale you with their bayonets, I began waiting for them to shoo me away then point to the mausoleum and shrug. They'd point us it what seemed like a random direction, then I'd try to cross another line. We arrived eventually to find that there was no fee. Darren was aware of that, but it was a nice surprise to me.

We wandered down to the first stop where we had to surrender our bags (they told us to be back by 10am, down the long path to the next stop where we cleared a metal detector and surrendered our cameras, then down another long path to wait in line. Next they led us in the opposite direction of the mausoleum and told us that the movie was in Vietnamese, so we should sit in the garden. Then after a few minutes led us into another room to watch a movie in English about Uncle Ho. We followed the group of English speakers out, waited for a couple of minutes and then were told to stand in another separate security line of impressive length and width. The line was not moving, although it was full of highly entertaining children, setting up for an elephant walk toward the mausoleum.

We went to talk to a woman to explain we'd already gone through security, and that our cameras were on the other side and we had to be back by ten, and there was no way to get through in so little time. Whew. She told us to remain calm and pushed us through.

We learned a few things:

• walking where others are not walking is not a good idea even if there's no indication in any language not to walk there.
  
• language barriers are not solely responsible for one's confusion in this country.
  
• going early prevented us from standing in what became an idescribably long line.
  

Ha Long Bay:

The fellow at the hostel told us it wasn't worth taking a day trip to see this world heritage site. The 7 hours round trip took more time than the actual visit. That detail was true, but it turns out that he underestimated our willingness to sit on uncomfortable mini-buses, and understated the enormous beauty of this bay on a sunny day. The weather held fast to its deep fog until we were about 20 minutes from the bay, and then it scattered like a French army at the first sign of war. The day was perfect. We nearly gave the guide a heart attack though when we told him we had to catch a night train at 9:55. He heard 19:55, and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. The perpetually confused look on his face was momentarily replaced by one of shear panic. I'm not sure why he thought it was his problem, but we cleared it all up for him soon enough. He returned to his former, placid, and thoroughly confused self.

Darren and I won the kayak race. Of course, we alone considered it a race, which made us a shoe-in for the championship. Always catch the competition off-guard.

On the way back I chatted for the better part of an hour with a woman from Singapore, who pumped me full of good info for when I arrive their before flying home ... which is going to be a few weeks later than I originally planned I do think. That's why I love talking to other travelers so much. You get tons of great information you might never have found on your own.

Sapa: A place of wonders

I've already rambled on far too much and Darren is itching to go, so I will keep this short. Sapa is beautiful, relaxing and charming. It is full of hockers who swarm you with the suggestion that you may possibly be interested in something that they have, be it bags, quilts, or "sexy lighters" that not only light your cigarettes, but also project the image of a hot woman onto anything you decide to shine it upon. The views are spectacular, and the accomodations are great value for money.

I have to admit that despite not wanting to be hasseled at every turn. I admire their pluck. They'll follow you for half a kilometer if you say hello and answer question number one. One fellow even tried to convince me that my flip flops could use a good polishing. The kids are adorable, and especially excited to wash their hands with your bottled water, or just throw it on the ground as a game of some sort - Waste Whitey's Water, perhaps?

Most Commonly Heard Sayings in Sapa:
[list]
*1) "Where you from?"
*2) "You buy from Me.(?)"
*3) "What your name?"
*4) "Moto?
*5) "Moto from Me. Hon number one!" Hon was especially persistent, though politely so, and gave up no opportunity to repeat the catchy mnemonic device for us. We held strong.

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