Modes of Transportation...

Once again, reporting live from Hanoi, Vietnam, this is Matt Stein.

Sorry I've been out of commission for a few days (no, I have not been watching Knocked Up repeatedly on HBO because it's the only channel that we get in english and I love repetition). We returned this morning from spending a lovely 24 hours in a boat (mom, you wouldn't have minded...no rocking back and forth) on Halong Bay. For you trivia buffs out there, Halong Bay literally means 'Bay of Descending Dragons.' Why does it have this name? Why don't you tell me. I don't have time to be looking this shit up. The boat was very cool (it had AC). We went to a few of the islands (there are over 3000), swam, hiked, played cards, and ate seafood (the shrimps still had heads on them...gross). Halong Bay is beautiful, and I'm pretty sure it is one of the seven 'Natural' wonders of the world...can someone please confirm this fact?

Side note - on previous entries, I have begun a few paragraphs with the word 'anyways.' Somebody (I'll give you one guess who) was nice enough to tell me that 'anyways' isn't a word, and that the word is actually, 'anyway.' To that person, and to you all, I say this: I have been doing it on purpose...sort of a slang thing. Now you know.

ANYWAYS...as always, a few quick things before diving in. First, thank you for your thoughtful comments, some of which I think need clarification. Hal, please don't call me awkward in front of my friends and family, or I will have to remove you from this blog and you will need to find another excuse not to do work. In response to the 'breaking Julie's bed' comment, it isn't as bad as it seems (or maybe it is). At the guesthouse on the Mekong, I got drunk on rice wine. The room we slept in had 14 beds in it, and I lost my footing, fell forward, and bang, snapped a wooden rod in half that happened to be holding up Julie's mosquito net. Finally, Balaban, I was deeply touched by your kind and sensitive comments. In response, and in no particular order, let me say a few things. First, does Stacey (Stacey is Matt's girlfriend...please congratulate him publicly. They work together, but I'm not sure if they have run it past HR. This is an NBC no no, so for anyone who has an interest in blackmail, you can thank me later) know that you are sharing your sexual exploits with more than 58 people (just wanted to say how many people are getting the blog...it makes me feel cool)? Second, I'm jealous about the Bachelorette. Third, I can probably bring you a person. Forth, I hate pepsi too. Hi Shana (happy now?)

Okay all, sorry for the slight rambling. This entry is going to be a bit different from the others, as I'm going to focus on one topic that I'd like to share with you, rather than take you through what I've been doing, since it has been a lot of time on the water, a boat, a bus, and a plane (you get the idea). Was that a run on sentense or what (you have all made me very grammar conscious)?

Topic of the day: MODES OF TRANSPORTATION

You may have picked up on the fact that since arriving in Asia, I have been on almost every mode of transportation known to man. That being said, I'd like to share some of my experiences and advice in case any of you are planning a trip.

1. Tuk Tuk: Tuk Tuks are a mainstay in Thailand, Cambodia, and Laos (there are none in Vietnam). They are cheaper and more convenient than taxis (except in the rain...they suck in the rain). As described in an earlier entry, picture a motorbike pulling a wagon with two benches (facing each other) that fit four people (sometimes uncomfortably). If you're smart, you may be thinking that there is no meter on tuk tuks. Well, that is correct. Normally, a 5-10 minute ride should cost you the following (50 Baht - Thailand/Laos, $1 - Cambodia). If these are the costs for a tuk tuk ride in Thailand/Laos/Cambodia, then I put it to you...How much does a Tuk Tuk cost in Vietnam?

..................The answer is...................THERE ARE NO TUK TUKS IN VIETNAM. Just wanted to make sure you were paying attention.

2. Taxi - This means the same thing here as it does in New York (can you believe that). For those of you that need a more detailed explanation, please contact your local special education counsellor immediately.

3. Boat - For those who think that this is just as self explanatory as a Taxi, please stop being a wiseass. I have been on __ kinds of boats since arriving.

3a. Ferry (in HK): a ferry (as in The Staten Island Ferry) goes back and forth between one location and another.
3b. Small, long boat: We took these to cross the border from Thailand to Laos. They are a bit shaky and very low to the water.
3c. Big Boat: We took this kind of boat down the Mekong in Laos (when I played scrabble).
3d. Tube: This isn't exactly a boat, but it deserves a mention. It is a rubber donut filled with air so it doesn't sink.
3e. Rowboat: We were taken in rowboats while in the Mekong Delta. They were driven by women (who are surprisingly strong for their size) and fit about 3 people (depending on their size).
3f. Medium boat: This is like a big boat, only a bit smaller. We went on this boat in the Mekong as well.
3g. Medium water sports/jumping boat: We took this kind of boat when we went out on the ocean in Nha Trang. I jumped off the roof.
3h. Speed Boat: For description, please rent the movie Speed 2: Cruise Control. It should have everything you need.
3i. Tender (smaller boat): This is smaller than the medium boat but bigger than the small boat. We took it yesterday to get from the port to our VERY BIG HOTEL BOAT (see 3j).
3j. Very Big Hotel Boat : We spent last night on this boat in Halong Bay. It was surprisingly well equip (just like Balaban), with fantastic air conditioned rooms, a roof deck, and many places to jump. I tried a front flip and landed on my back. Ouch.

4. Train: A train is a train. I love trains.
5. Bus: A bus is like a medium boat (3f) except with wheels
6. Motorbike: This is another taxi-like vehicle. Basically, everywhere you go, especially in Vietnam, there are guys standing outside saying, 'motorbike, motorbike.' For about the same cost as a tuk tuk, they will take you home.
7. Plane: This is a bus (see #5) that flies. I know! It kinda blows my mind too.

I think that should cover it, but if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

Before I go, a few quick things. Almost every driver will ask you if you want boom-boom, marijuana, or a massage. These all mean the same thing here as they do at home. Proceed at your own risk. Also, be sure to keep track of which bills you are handing the drivers, as many of them will try to convince you that you only gave them 10,000 Dong (Vietnamese currency...I shit you not) when you have really given them 100,000 Dong. (Dong - haha - awesome). FYI: 1,000,000 Dong is roughly $56. Yes, here I'm a millionaire. No, they don't have the show "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" here because you would only be able to win $56. Crazy shit.

Finally, when using any of these modes of transportation, especially the ones with wheels, please keep in mind that almost all of these drivers have attended the DANA FUCHS INTERNATIONAL DRIVING SCHOOL (in case you don't know, Dana recently crashed an ATV into a brick wall in Greece after being behind the wheel for only 20 seconds). Love you Dana, and I hope you're feeling better. Oh, one more thing. In this part of the country, horns are not just used in case of emergencies. They are used when turning, stopping, passing, going straight, swerving, speeding, going too slow, etc...I plan to use the 'blow your horn' driving technique upon my return. Also, there are more motorbikes than cars, some of which are shared by entire families. By my count, I think the most people we saw on a motorbike at one time was Six. Beat that BIG APPLE CIRCUS.

I hope you have enjoyed this tutorial on Modes of Transportation. Tonight is the last night for about half of the group, so we are going out to a nice dinner (by nice i mean it may cost more than $7 a person) and then out to a bar. Tomorrow we board an overnight train (ugh) and head to Sapa (up North) for some hiking and a home stay. We will be sleeping in the dirt, but it should be a fantastic experience. After that, I head home...I hope the plans for my coming back party are moving along nicely.

Please keep your comments coming. They give me the strength to keep going. I had noodles for breakfast (no, i'm not tired of them, so don't ask).

And as always, remember to have your pets spayed or neutered (still looking for a signature sign off)

Stay Classy San Diego??

It's 10 PM...do you know where your children are?

Anyway (s)...it's a work in progress.

Hi Mom!!!

Matt

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