Chiang Mai

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Hi All,

Where to begin this time, hmm, well. Spent the last couple of days in Bangkok still trying to get better and fix sleep patterns but with little luck. This meant that me and Barry would fall asleep at about 6am and then wake about 3pm which clearly isn't good! I decided the best way to fix myself would be to just stay up all night and day and then I would be so dead I could fall asleep at a normal time the following night. Sounds logical right? No.

I would leave the room at 5am when I started to feel tired and go to a bar. There we'd have the usual motley crew of drunkards who've been there all night and I'd have a beer with them. This would lead to me being so obliteratedly tired by 10am that I HAD to go back to bed.

Eventually we had one day when we could make it to the station and booked tickets to Chiang Mai and the following day we forced ourselves to stay awake until the train at 7.30pm because we had been kicked out of the guest house at midday!

Train was very nice, actually seemed like a proper train unlike dem nasty Indian ones! After some drinks and a weird but entertaining mini karaoke from the most unconvincing Natalie I've ever seen in my like, we went to bed. 15 hours after we set off we arrived in Chiang Mai. It is beautiful!

It's a massive place (1.3m pop) yet it seems and is pretty calm and very relaxing. Staying in a nice big guest house with a big garden and it's cheaper than Bangkok. It's very hot during the yet, but nice and cool at night – perfect! Spent a couple more days trying to get better and then ruined it all by bar crawling...

Met Gareth at the night bazaar here (it is frigging enormous!) and had a drink and some uber cheap food from a food hall whilst watching a band perform and then ploughed through another couple of bars en-route to a very nice looking dragon red bar. On ordering drinks I realise that the barmen is just a little too camp for our liking and then we both look around... “Hang on a minute!” “Shit.” “Why are we in a gay bar???”

The camp barman should've been the final hint needed, the whole place was pinky red, the women were trannies, there was old western queens sitting at the bar and to top it all off there were pictures of topless men everywhere – FAIL.

Drank very quickly and to redeem ourselves we went into the 'dance' bar next door. Couple of happy hour drinks and turning down hookers here, and it was time to move on again. Ended up being dragged into a giant corridor with endless bars on both sides and with a boxing arena at the very end. If you haven't guessed, we got dragged in by prostitutes who led us to their bar. One drink here and after turning down these 2 (mine was v eager and shoved her hand up my shorts as soon as we got in there, it's a bit concerning this Thailand place) we decided we were pretty damn drunk and tired.

Very fast walk back past loads of other cafes and bars, trying to avoid being grabbed by the arms by various other prossies we made it back and went to bed.

Last night we went to Muay Thai kickboxing in the same place. Arriving in the arena I went straight to one of the bars to get drinks and inadvertently managed to walk into the tranny one. Something is wrong with this place. Watched a British girl Laura kick shit into a Thai girl, watched a tiny lad beat someone much bigger, Got hassled by a generic English tourist who doesn't seem to understand that not everyone in Thailand is after a prostitute, but apparently 'Spiceys' is the best and you should go at 2am for good value 'funtimes'. Best match was undoubtably the '4 way blindfold match'. Is as it sounds, they swing furiously at nothing, often hitting the ref as well until only two were left. At this point they fought without the blindfolds on, ending with a cartwheel kick to the head. The fight was undoubtably coreographed, but it was fun! After the fights we left ASAP to avoid having the English guy talk rubbish to us anymore. One more drink in a quiet bar and we were done for the night. I am currently trying to upload the blind match for you all to see and will post links once it's done.

Hopefully we'll do some more interesting things in the next few days, problem is despite there being shedloads to do (Zorbing, high wires, jungle trekking, climbing, motorbiking, ATV racing...) it is all very expensive, so some big decisions to be made on a budget that has been decimated by the lousy credit crunch and the pitiful pound falling uncontrollably.

Hope everyone is well!

Alan

Round 1 -

Round 2 -

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Photos

The Surf Squat Dilemma
Somewhere between the Asian Squat and the Western Sit is this toilet in Chiang Mai. It's raised off the ground like a Western one, but has feet panels for squatting that you wouldn't sit on. You have the Surf Squat. A dangerous toilet, strain to much and you could fall off.

Muai Thai
Note the lame 'England' shorts for the mainly English crowd

Going the Wrong Way
We get lost and cycle onto a Thailand highway.