'This place, say workers here, is the closest thing to hell on earth.-Michael Buerk‏

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Dear all, I decided to head to Ko Samui, hire a motorbike and find a nice quiet little beach. When i got there it was raining and it didn't stop for the next 5 days. It's completely miserable when it's raining, the streets were overflowing up to knee height with water, the sewage system is not the best and this can cause problems. I literally thought there was a river running through the road behind my hotel, only when i saw the poor little business' in the middle of it did i realise that it was just flooding. All very eerie to see with the tsunami pictures I've seen. I tried to summon the glastonbury spirit that lurks somewhere deep inside my soul and refuse to let the weather get me down, but it's a little difficult when Radiohead aren't playing the following day, impossible when those around you are sulking package holidaymaker accountants who have probably never danced around in the mud to The 80s matchbox b line disaster.
I remember sitting outside the not famous tropical Murphy's bar eating the most disgusting bacon and eggs, while flies kept landing on me, the waitress looked put out if I asked her for something and shot me dirty looks, and they played James Blunt. Covers. It was pricey there too, if I continue my spending rate I have to remember I'll soon be back in Southport working with hostile Romanian support workers who speak in Romanian to each other at work while I get repeatedly twatted in the head by a down syndrome teenager whilst being told if i admit to restraining him i could get in trouble. mmm
No, I didn't like the place at all, even the Thais are miserable and rude, the Indian suit sellers are rude and irritating and everyday try to shake your hand 90 times as you walk down one street. One guy shouted 'shake my hand' when i ignored him, as they hold on to it and lock you in a conversation. I went back and gave him a big slobbery kiss on the hand and he never asked me again. Watched Liverpool heroically grind out a 0-0 at home to Fulham then proceeded to have a night out at Green Mango which led me to staggering home at 12 midday the following (i think) day. I was going to book a trip to Krabi but in the internet cafe, full of falang checking weather/airport reports, I saw it was due to rain for a week at least. Hua Hin had the best weather forecast so I tried to book a trip there, but was quoted at 1400 Baht. It was impossible to do it individually as they all tried to sell me a package of train/boat/van at overpriced rates. I ended up paying 860 Baht, but when i got to the station I had 4 hours to wait so I was directed to a friends cafe to spend money in. I walked to the station and asked a kindly old guy at the counter if i could change to an earlier train and he said sure, one leaves in 5 minutes. So I changed tickets, with no refund to a 85 baht ticket , all the way to Hua Hin. Cheeky agents are seriously going to get it soon.
It did however happen to be 3rd class,(which is strange as the agency said only the most expensive seats in 1st class were available) with Thais looking astonished at the sight of a foreigner on a cheap train. They openly pointed and followed my every move with curious friendly eyes. Trying not to look self conscious i went to find my seat and when i sat down it fell out from under me i my arse hit the not very clean floor. I casually tried to fix it and move to the seat opposite instead, but as i sat on that one, it noisily fell off as well and I ended up sitting on the floor all wonky with one arse cheek in Thailand the other in Toyland. At this point the Thai couple opposite my seats were not exactly trying their hardest to disguise their laughter at my expense and came over and helped me fix the seat. Good to provide a bit of slapstick comedy to a country that's given me so much I think. The train journey was great for a while. At every stop, for there are many, loads of people get on selling various gorgeous foods at low low prices. I did accidentally buy some dry fish thing that was disgusting and out of politeness to their food had to smuggle it under my seat when no one was looking (which was never.) It dragged but i made it Hua Hin and loved it straight away. I found a cheapish place to stay and the weather, I hear, is glorious everyday. Just have to work on getting up in time to see it.

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