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We're back in Koh Lanta after a brief trip to Krabi town to pick up Lauren, our honored guest (and Leslie's sister). It's been fun having another traveler to hang out with-- we were getting pretty tired of hearing our same stories over and over again! ;) We've been having some silly experiences since the three of us got together... must be something in the Koch genes that makes crazy things happen! Or it could just be that we're in Thailand, always good for some laughs...

After a laid-back New Year's spent drinking Singhas and watching fireworks on Khlong Dao beach, we (Jake and Leslie) tore ourselves away from Koh Lanta and took a 2-hour minivan to Krabi. We booked the van through our hotel, the Lanta Sweet Mansion, for the surprisingly cheap price of 200 baht (usually its 250+). Krabi town was nice and clean, with inexpensive food and hotels, but not much to do. We got dropped off on Chao Fa road, a backpacker strip with dozens of cheap guesthouses, and checked out about 5 before finding a clean room in a new "mansion"-style hotel for 400 baht (including AC/TV)... half the price of our Koh Lanta hotel. It turns out there was a huge outdoor festival going on for New Year's, complete with carnival games and rides, street food (including fried bugs and worms) and cheap clothes. Leslie was excited by the shockingly inexpensive underwear stall until she realized the 10-baht bin was filled with used panties, complete with stains. Yuck! Maybe not such a good deal after all (unless you are a Japanese businessman?). Despite the poor hygiene, the fair was definitely the highlight of Krabi town.

After our first night in Krabi, we took the airport shuttle bus to meet Lauren's flight. After 40+ hours in transit from NYC (via South Korea and Bangkok), she looked like a zombie but wasn't as cranky as expected. (Turns out her pallor was just due top her new Goth Lolita look). We decided to take a day trip to Railay the next morning. The Lonely Planet raves about Railay, claiming it has the best beach in Thailand, and makes it sounds like a fabulous place to stay. Turns out the writers are either smoking crack or getting huge kick-backs, because it was really horrific, especially after coming from the beautiful beaches of Koh Lanta.

We took a songthaew (pick up truck with benches in the back) from Krabi town to nearby Ao Nang, then caught a longtail boat to Railay. The boat pulled up to West Railay, supposedly the area's nicest beach, and we were shocked to see hundreds of tourists in all degrees of undress (including totally nude, in a Muslim region), clogging every inch of sand. There were at least a dozen motorboats in the water, making it feel like we were swimming through an oil slick. The restaurant on the beach was charging about $6 per entree, shockingly high for Thailand, so we walked over to East Railay in search of some lunch. The east side is known for having cheaper accommodation,so we weren't expecting the massive over-development we encountered. The muddy shore was strewn with mangroves, tractors, construction materials, shells of broken down boats and expensive looking hotels with shitty views. We'd question why anyone would stay at a luxury hotel in this area considering the pathetic beach, price gouging, and lame vibe, but with the Lonely Planet praising Railay, we can understand the confusion. Unless you are a rock climbing fanatic, skip it!

After a couple hours on Railay, we all came to the spontaneous decision that we had to leave ASAP, and we literally ran for the eastern pier. We missed the regularly scheduled boat to Krabi, but were able to bargain down the price of chartering a boat from 700 baht to 450. Turns out this might not have been such a good deal, since we got the most rickity boat in existence. The boat kept stalling, so the boatman had Jake steer while he hammered away at the motor. Jake had no idea what he was doing, but it didn't occur to the boatman that a man NOT know how to steer a longtail boat! He kept pointing at the direction he wanted to go and looking confused as to why Jake wasn't steering that way. Fortunately, the motor kicked back up and we were able to get to Krabi town without sinking (good thing, since the life vests were missing the styrofoam lining). It definitely made the ride more entertaining :)

Relaizing how great Koh Lanta was in comparison to Railay, we booked a minivan back to our beloved island (interestingly, the minivan cost 220 pp this time; the price seems incredibly arbitrary from vendor to vendor). We headed straight to the Lanta Sweet Mansion, our friendly home away from home.

We've been here in Koh Lanta for 5 days and have been showing Lauren the sights. Our favorite spot is the Richey restaurant on Khlong Nin, a tiny, laid back shack run by a talkative woman and her friendly husband, who looks exactly like a Thai Jack Sparrow. We spent an entire day there, swimming and eating 3 meals. We've been pretty lazy on this beach vacation :)

We went on the 4 island snorkeling trip again and Lauren got to swim through the Emerald cave, although this time it was a chaotic free-for-all since passengers from 3 boats clambered through at one time. At one point, another boat from a different company broke down, so our boatmen tied it to our vessel and we towed it for about an hour-- adding a lot of time to our trip. For some reason, the main function of our boat that day seemed to be ferrying tourists from one island to another instead of snorkeling... pretty random.

Jake also went on four scuba dives over 2 days, once to Hin Daeng/Hin Muang, thought of as one of the best dive spots in Thailand, and another near Ko Phi Phi island. The visibility of all of the dives wasn't great thanks to some recent storms, but a highlight was a 15 foot wide Manta Ray that swam around playfully for about 20 minutes. He also saw a 7 foot leopard shark on a later dive.

Leslie and Lauren opted out of scuba diving and spent the day taking a cooking class at the Lanta Thai cooking school, and getting $18 pedi/manicures at the luxurious Royal Lanta Spa. The cooking class was a little ghetto-- we used ketchup to make a Thai sauce-- but it was the cheapest class, so we weren't expecting that much. The instructor liked Leslie and kept hugging her/patting her ass, then invited her to come to his restaurant on Khlong Dao beach. Yikes! This was the second time on the round the world trip that Leslie was alone, and the second time she was approached by a horny Thai man. Later that day, she was alone in an Internet cafe and another Thai guy hit on her... she must have that special look Thai men are into!

Being super thrifty, we decided to rent 1 moped and squeeze the three of us on it to ride around the island. This is actually the normal, Thai style way of getting around, but we did get some smiles since Western tourists tend to rent a couple of bikes or a tuk tuk. Since Lauren is new to SE Asian roads, she opted for a helmet... which ironically she left off when she practiced driving the moped in a parking lot. She wiped out and scraped up her right side and ripped her pants apart, but fortunately didn't get seriously hurt. She got off easy, only paying $23 for the damage to the bike, which was totally scraped up on the right side and had a broken light. Guess moto driving is a lot harder than we thought (thanks Jake!).

We had a serious scare this week when we thought we'd uncovered the most sadistic act of animal cruelty this side of Animal Cops Detroit. We were walking home from the 7-11 when we heard a dog's soul shattering cries for help. We walked towards the noise and found 2 dogs stuck together... by the butt!! We just couldn't figure out how this could have possibly happened... we had to go in for several close looks, but still couldn't figure out what body part was inserted where. It was crazy!!! We decided some sick pervert must have glued these dogs together.. otherwise, how could they get in this position? We frantically raced around the town on our scooter, trying to find an ad for the Animal Welfare Center with a phone number on it. We stopped at a bunch of pharmacies and stores, where we asked if there was an animal doctor or hospital. We got blank stares and laughs, as if this concept was totally outrageous! In a near panic, we contemplated what we could do-- try to pull apart the dogs? Put nail polish on their butts to break up the glue? Finally, a travel agent who spoke good English told us to call a Norwegian woman who owns a local cooking school, since she runs the animal neutering program (apparently there is no vet anywhere in Koh Lanta). Leslie and Lauren refused to call, since they couldn't explain with a straight face that some pervert must have crammed a dog's weenis and balls into another dog and glued them together. Jake bravely dialed the Norwegian's restaurant, explained the situation to an American waitress and waited several minutes to hear the verdict from the Norwegian dog expert. We were totally shocked when she told Jake not to worry, this is something normal that happens to dogs after sex! WTF?! Apparently we are the only dummies who've (a) never seen dogs mate and (b) don't realize they get stuck together afterwards. We were still skeptical, but started laughing hysterically at Jake's reaction to the news over the phone. Good thing we didn't call the tourist police to report this horrendous crime, which we were considering as a last resort. Hahaha... we were laughing even harder when we went by the scene of the crime and the dogs weren't there. Guess they managed to break apart.

The rest of our island trip was spent listening to Lauren talk about her boyfriend Julie Bean and how much they "f%!#ing love" each other, and aiding her in her constant quest for a Skype-capable internet cafe. For more on Lauren, check out her website www.projectdominion.com (disclaimer-- she would only shut up about JB if we promised to promote her site! This is a paid advertisement).

We also enjoyed several B movies in the hotel, including A.I. (which saw Leslie crying hysterically at the bittersweet ending. Poor little robot boy).

We're in Bangkok exploring the night life... more to come! (Including photos of Lauren's motorbike wipeout. Gory!)

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