Singapore, Malaysia,Thailand - and not a blog entry to be seen!

Now, several recent narky emails have told me I'm being tardy in keeping you lovely people informed of my progress through SE Asia. I apologise unreservedly but things have been pretty crazy. Now I'll sit back, relax, keep swatting the mozzies that find me just so so tasty and tell you a little of my adventures:

At the end of my last thrilling instalment, I was in Cairns, having bid farewell to my Dutch and veterinarian friends, trying not to drown while white water rafting. Let's just say I wasn't 100% successful in Laura Vs The Rapids but after a little medical attention (I asked for the Flying Doctors but the normal doc just assumed I was ranting due to being bumped on the head by a very big rock) I was good to go...

SINGAPORE
There's really not much to say as I was only there for one full day. I ate lots of food (naturally) and saw lots of temples, my particular fave being The Buddha Tooth Relic Temple & Museum (an entire temple dedicated to, well, duh!) and sheltered from the Monsoon-like rains. Unfortunately there are no pictures of this amazing day as I forgot my camera. Sorry. Next........

MALAYSIA
A short bus ride away, I got a nice new stamp in my passport and arrived in Melaka on the South-Western coast of Malaysia. Being a sad history nut, I really enjoyed this city which boasts "an interesting heritage of cultures from its Portuguese, Dutch and British colonists, not to mention its unique Chinese-Malay community of Perankans" according to my Rough Guide. My favourite was a tour of a Baba-Nonya family's 19th century house. Again, I have no pictures because, as the great tour guide herself put it "it's 15 Ringitt to come in, no photos allowed, no touching, no picking, no stealing. So do you want tour or not?" I then traveled up to Kuala Lumpur with a couple of people I met in the Melaka hostel. I can honestly say this is the only place I've been to in the 5 months that I've been away that I absolutely hated and will never return to.

From there I travelled to the North-Western island of Penang where I met up again with Jordana and Jane. As blog fans will remember, Jordana has decided to travel around Asia with us for 10 weeks instead of working in Oz as she originally planned. Unfortunately, she forgot to tell her parents until she called them from Penang and casually mentioned it in conversation. So there's now a family in The Netherlands who think Jane and I are evil alcoholic harpies determined to lead their beloved daughter down a path of licentiousness and vice. As if!

Of course it was great for the three musketeers to be together again. Unfortunately, the heavens didn't agree and sent us a monsoon. We decided to take solace in that bastion of entertainment - The Mall. Unfortunately my experience was marred by a Malaysian man accosting me to tell me that he could "help to get rid of that hideous skin problem" - my freckles! So while the other two (who look like tanned goddesses - why aren't they being told they're hideous?) stand there in hysterics, I'm trying to pry my arm away. Alas I am too late; he's smeared whitening paste in a nice line on my left arm. Although I wiped it off straight away, I've been left for several weeks with a white streak along my forearm - who knew those whitening creams actually worked?!

THAILAND
From here we flew to Ko Samui. You know the place that supposed to be like paradise? Well, perhaps we were too soon to jump ship, or ferry in our case, but we found a tropical version of Southend on Sea, with fewer illuminations. We're talking Starbucks, McDonalds, Boots the chemist and more Louis Vuitton and Burberry than I've seen in many a month. The next morning, Jordana and I said a sad farewell to Jane, who was meeting her sister for a few weeks and headed to the far lovelier island of Ko Tao. Gorgeous! We had a wooden hut overlooking the beach, cocktails, Thai food and heavenly sunsets. I was determined to revel in this hippie-existence where the world is great, Bob Marley (and, inexplicably, Dido) are always on in the background and there's no excuse for stress. The next morning found me in a yoga class full of bendy gurus ("all levels welcome" - humph!). Now, I'm not too inflexible compared to most but I spent a significant proportion of the three hour class (!!!!!!!!!) looking at the others in incredulity thinking "if you think I can get my legs there, love, you are having a bubble!" But I did have a go at some of it. There was one move which I'll have to describe as can't remember the name: you lie on your back with your legs and back in the air, supporting your weight on your hands and shoulders (remember when you were young and you pretended to ride a bicycle with your legs in that air? Like that!). You then keep lifting your vertebra off the ground until your feet are resting on the floor, behind your head and all of your weight is on your neck as your back and shoulders are off the ground. Got that? Seeing as I'd "sat out" the last 10 minutes, I thought I should try and get my arse and legs in the air to at least show willing. Unfortunately, as I have a bit of weight behind me, I gained more momentum that I expected and ended up in the correct position as only the teacher had managed. And I was stuck!! Surely I shouldn't be cursing just so much in a Zen-like existence? I had to topple side-ways to escape, praying I didn't break my back in the process.

I was not feeling too calm as I sat on the beach telling Jordana of my woes. Although not keen to participate directly, she did ask if she could come and bring popcorn next time. When she'd stopped laughing, she suggested a massage. What could be more relaxing than a Thai massage? Well, a lot if you happen to get the tiny Thai grandmother with a vice-like grip and penchant for masochism. While Jordana was being gently pummeled with all her tension being released, I'm wincing, praying for the pain to stop. Nicky, what's the move in WWF wrestling when the wrestler stands in the air, then jumps on their opponent elbow first whilst screaming into the heavens? Well, did you know it's also a move in traditional Thai massage? My masseuse seemed to take it personally that I could bend and my bones didn't make that satisfying "crack" that Jordana was making next door (thanks for that, bud!). And so I had her jabbing me with her elbows, walking up my spine with her knees and, most painfully of all, her pulling both my arms backwards with all her strength whilst simultaneously kneeing me in the back. After ninety minutes of pain, I was allowed to pay and leave. I'd have paid double if I could have left early!

The next day, I decided to do something I KNOW I love: snorkelling! Unfortunately, I awoke to the sound of another monsoon outside the room. The dive company insisted it was perfectly safe. Fast forward two hours to see me unable to stand up straight, being battered by wind and 5 metres swells, being sick over the side of the boat (the guide suggested this as the sickbuckets were already claimed!). We were so far from land that we had no choice but to carry on. Well, the winds eased enough for us to get into the water in the afternoon. It was beautiful down there and Ko Tao is famous for its diving for a reason. Somehow, I still managed to get sunburnt on the back of my legs in spite of the monsoon.

Then, off for a few hectic days in Bangkok. A brilliant, insane, gorgeous, dirty place. You have to go! We saw loads of Wats (Whats? Wats!) and survived three nights on Khao San Road.

Then we went to Kanchanburri, home to the Bridge over the River Kwai. It's also the memorial centre for those Allied Prisoners of War who died in constructing the Burma-Siam Death Railway. As my amazing Grandfather was one of those who worked on the railway, it was very interesting to visit all of the museums and cemeteries and try to get an idea of what they went through.

We then went to the ancient capital of Thailand, Ayutthaya to visit it's ruins. The city was sacked in the fifteenth century and the remains of the temples and palaces are beautiful, being claimed by the jungle a little more every year. I'm now in Chiang Mai the largest city in the Northern provinces. I'm currently taking a Thai cookery course so that I can make you guys some of the amazing food they have here. I'll take some photos of me doing my best Gordon Ramsey impression in my apron, shouting at the teachers. Be afraid...Be very afraid...

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