This Dish Isn't Spicy? Really? Because I'm Crying Eating It - Day 11: Biking South from Bangkok

Day 11: Ban Saphan Noi to Chumpon

The rain was pouring down from the time we awoke, and after a lovely breakfast, courtesy of our homestay host Don, we set off in the downpour. We faced colossal hills, steep and lengthy, and crazy strong winds. Early on we passed a sign that told us 98 km to Chumpon, our destination. Damn! This was the same distance as the last sign we’d passed, kilometers back, the previous day. We stopped at 10 AM for the perfect snack for a day like this, a steaming warm bowl of pho. Plus, warm hospitality from the family running the food shack. As we rested and slurped our soup, we watched the trees in the forest across the street tilt 45 degrees in the wind. Despite our lovely hosts telling us to relax, to hang out until the rain passed, we got back on our bikes and rode on knowing that if we stayed we'd get too cold and stiff and be unable to go on. We biked our asses off that morning.

Two hours later, we were wiped, and stopped for another rest and a meal. This little restaurant was bigger and fancier than the last one. It had a deep indoor pool filled with huge fish, an attached general store and a small buffet. There were five dishes up for offer and I carefully asked the girl attending if each dish was spicy. For those of you not familiar, Thai “spicy” is incredibly, incredibly hot, and is capable of causing serious pain. J and I love spicy food, but some Thai food is another level of spicy, one that takes years of training to handle. “Mak phet?” I said, meaning "Spicy?" Yes, "Phet", she nodded, referring to the first four dishes. The last dish, she answered, “My phet, my phet”, meaning not hot, not spicy. I confirmed, repeating her words back to her, “My phet?” She was sure, this last dish was not hot. So we each ordered a big plate of it, a delicious looking combination of beef and green beans, atop steaming hot white rice.

Oh, we were so excited to tuck in to this hot food. J took a bite first and made the worst face. Then I took a bite. It was so damn hot. So hot. After a few bites, I gave up and just ate my tasty rice. J, on the other hand, kept eating it, tears streaming down his face, a miserable grimace, insisting he could not waste food. I approached the girl again and said, “Phet! Phet lie lie!”, or “Spicy, very spicy!” pointing at my plate of food. She just shrugged and said “no,” and to this day I’m not sure whether she was just playing a funny joke on us or if she honestly thought the dish was not spicy. After a lengthy discussion, I convinced her to have the cook make us some “haeng”, or noodles. These came out fresh and soft, accompanied by crunchy tortilla-like chips, chicken balls, and pieces of beef and pork. Delicious.

I think the cook felt badly when she saw the tears streaming down J's face because she brought us out the most amazing dessert; it was a silky-yellow custard with a sweet purple sticky-rice and fried coconut interior. And it arrived wrapped neatly in a banana-leaf.

Happily satiated, J a bit worse for wear, we set out again up another vast hill, hoping it was the right direction. In one neighborhood we passed, it appeared that everyone was manufacturing dirty towels, which they then hung to dry on big clothes lines. So many dogs, all barking and all slightly different from any other. Cows of all spots and colors. We cursed a blog we’d read that said Southern Thailand was flat. Exhausted and worn-out, we finally spotted a sign, 40 km to Chumpon. Hell yes! We were thrilled, although we were also ready to pass out. We pushed ourselves though and those last twenty miles were really, really hard.

We passed massive rubber tree orchards, the tall, limbless trees rigged with devices to collect their sap through slits in the bark. We glimpsed hundreds of fruit trees, the ripe fruit being picked and loaded up high in pick-up trucks. Mostly it was a massive red-fruit being harvested, about the size of a volleyball, with spikes. Just as we started to think we’d never reach Chumpon, we finally did. After eight hours.

My god, were we delighted, biking in to this big, semi-modern town, hotels and restaurants everywhere! We took a splendid room at the grand Dornip Hotel for 360 baht, complete with hot shower and bath! We showered and passed out in the pillowy bed for a few hours. Well, I did, J was already out exploring town. Once I’d re-gathered my strength, we ate at a sushi restaurant before strolling through the city, enjoying the bustling markets. The most wonderful variety of street-food was available on this one main avenue. Miniature pancakes with cream, grilled corn, truck-fulls of sweet rhambutan, fried chicken, toasted bread covered in warm condensed milk, fried coconut and sweet custardy-sticky rice desserts. We ate extensively.

Loving the excitement of being back in the city after a few days out in the countryside, we drank beers while listening to live music. That night, sore as hell, we slept like puppies in a soft bed, and spent most of the next day just lying in that same soft bed, eating, resting, reading and catching up on our Thai TV.

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