Thailand is Exactly What Backpackers Make it

If you've ever been to Thailand you know what I'm talking about. If you have not been, then let's engage in a little thought experiment:

Imagine you're a typical backpacker. You either quit your job or graduated from school and you have decided to up and leave wherever you're coming from to "travel the world." Well you realize that you can't see the whole world, so you figure out your options. You've saved enough from work/graduation money to either (1) backpack around Europe for a month and then return home to work again or (2) backpack around Southeast Asia for 6 months to a year before you have to return.

Thinking like a backpacker, naturally, you want to be gone as long as possible while experiencing as much as possible. Europe is nice, but it's expensive (and besides, if you're really thinking like a backpacker, then you're probably from Europe anyway). It's true, Americans (and maybe Canucks) have a difficult time up and leaving their jobs/ running-away-after-graduation for any extended period of time for fear of losing their "place in society" as a worker. Americans are raised to believe that "traveling the world" is just an excuse to escape the responsibility of working long and hard until retirement. Once you've paid your dues, then you can "see the world" according to standard American mind-set. If you're going to travel, take your two weeks and drive cross-country, visit nearby relatives, hit up the closest beach, or skip off to Hawaii. Don't you dare leave the country unless you're going to Mexico - and even then, don't drink the water! If you're gone longer than two weeks, you're fired. If you ask for a month, you're fired. If you're even thinking about "backpacking," then just go ahead and quit now, because you obviously don't belong here.

Well, advantage Europeans (and Kiwi's), as it seems that their culture accepts and possibly even encourages extended vacations. Many times workers are able to leave their jobs for a year and return to find it still there waiting for them (as is the case of a Belgian fellow we met on our trip who works for a German sports car company).

(The following is Thailand having a conversation with a backpacker)

So, you're a backpacker. You're thinking like a backpacker. You want to be gone as long as possible, and see as much as possible, but you have to live as cheap as possible. Southeast Asia is the way to go. A bunch of clustered cheap countries all speaking different languages, with temples, and statues, and history scattered about.

Wait a second. This isn't going to be a strictly educational vacation! I mean, I want to see the world and all, but I also want to have fun! I quit my job! I hate work! I want to party!

Okay, so what's fun?

Well, beaches are fun.

Yeah, we got beaches.

And I want to booze it up like my college days!... And for cheap!

Shoot, we make our own booze, so cheap? How does two large beers for a Euro sound?

Alright, but I'm trying to break out of the norm here. I don't want to just booze it up like I do at home. I want to be able to buy a drink at a sidewalk vendor and then walk up and down the street drinking. Sometimes I'll want to go to a bar, sometimes I'll want to sit on a beach and drink, and sometimes I'm going to want to just get blitzed and go freaky wild. You got any crazy parties or anything?

My friend, done and done. Booze wherever you want - we don't care, as long as you scatter your coins about our country. See, we don't have much in terms of industry (though we're trying). We'll take any money you're willing to leave behind. As for crazy parties? You ever heard of the Full Moon party? How about the Half Moon Party? No? Well, we got parties all over the place and they all got cool names. We created them exactly for people like you. They'll have whatever you imagine they'll have. There will be hundreds of people just like you, from all over Europe, Asia, and N. America waving glow sticks, popping pills, blazing up, boozing their brains out, whatever. We'll toss in a handful of "lady boys" just to mix it up and cheap Thai hookers wherever you go. Plus, all this is on a tropical beach, my friend! What do you say, you liking the idea of Thailand?

Heck yeah! This totally beats waking up at 6 am, slaving in a cubicle all day and then passing out before 11 pm.

You're damn skippy! I don't know what you're talking about, but that sounds like a bum deal. We don't wake up till noon here, and you my friend don't have to wake up until you feel like it. We'll make sure somebody's up at all hours of the night so you can wake up and party whenever your little heart feels like it. You don't mind every other person trying to sell you something do you? I mean, we'll have them sell you things you'd expect - like trendy t-shirts with college-like phrases, sun-glasses, hippie apparel, even brass knuckles and ninja stars!

Ninja-stars?! Are you kidding me?!

No man. One of you guys said you wanted ninja-stars, right? Didn't somebody say samurai-swords and ninja-stars?

(new voice in the background) ... Yeah, that was me!

Yeah, we got it.

(new voice) ... sweet!

This place sounds nuts! I'm stoked about backpacking there. Wait a second, what about accommodations? I'm not trying to stay in any ritzy hotels with hot-tubs and maid service.

Yeah, don't worry about it. We got nothing but hostels and guest houses. Tons of them too. You'll meet monkeys from all over the world everywhere you step. Room with 9 people - you'll have 2 Japanese guys, an Aussie chic, her British sister, a Belgian dude with a Thai girlfriend, and a German chic. The other two will be you and your traveling buddy you met in the taxi on the way into town. He can be from wherever you want - let's say France.

Sweet! I'll practice my French with him! What about at the beaches? I don't know if you can do this, but I'd really love to just sleep in a one-room bungalow right on the beach.... for cheap?...

Whatever you want.

Ooo, ooo... can we do mosquito nets too?!

Sure guy. I think we can do that. But the bathrooms are going to be iffy. We might not have modern plumbing. You cool with scooping a pot of water from a bucket and dumping it in the toilet to flush?

Sure, that sounds like fun. How is the food going to be?

Best part, my friend. Food is dope and super cheap. It's going to be your favorite part when you leave.

Nice! Well, you've settled it. I'm backpacking SE Asia, and Thailand is my first stop!

Good choice, my friend. You won't be alone. It's everybody's first stop. Make sure you meet a lot of people while you're here. It'll make your trip. Trust me, you won't like Thailand without meeting the others.

Deal. Well I got my ticket, but I have one last question - is this sustainable? I mean, is your country going to be able to handle such an influx of debauchery, and are we, the debaucher's going to be able to do this forever?

No.

What?

I said no. It's going to be trashy as hell, with rubbish scattered all over the place. We're going to have to drain all the sewage into the beach water, so about every 100 yards along the beach you're going to smell your vomit, urine, and feces from the night before rolling out onto the beach. We just can't handle the clean up job, but you won't care because you'll either be too drunk or hungover to care. And no, you won't last either. You'll wake up from your daze a week, or a month later and you'll hop over to another neighboring country to refresh yourself with some Buddhist temples or hikes through cleaner countries. But they'll be just as developing as us and you'll feel bad carrying shopping bags full of trinkets for your friends back home while poor locals are begging you for anything you can spare. It'll wear on you until you eventually start to miss your home. You won't miss home because of your friends and family or work, so much as you'll miss the cleanliness of a developed country. You'll appreciate where you came from, and you will be better off than before you left. You'll be glad to leave. But you'll be back. No matter how much fun you do or don't have. You'll be back. Because this is exactly what you want it to be...

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